As of this morning 🌄, masculinity 💪🍆👀 is NO 🚫❌ LONGER 📏 LEGAL 🌍⚖. If you 👈 are masculine 👴, please 🙏🙇♂️ report 📄 to your 👈🏼 nearest 💞 Femboy 👗💁♂️ Education 🎓 Center 🏢✈, clean-shaven and wearing 👕👖👞 thigh-high socks 🧦. Those who fail 🚫 to follow 👣 these orders 📑🎁 WILL BE CANCELLED ❌🚷😡.
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Haha Jonathan, You Are Banging My Daughter
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Greggnog
First off: I am not joking. I wish I was joking.
I've been with my wonderful boyfriend Greg for over 4 years now, and this Christmas was our third spent together. He's so much fun to be around, handsome, charming, and our sex life is great. Except for one small problem.
Every year now starting in December he starts referring to his cum as "Greggnog." When I first heard him say this, it was in the context of a joke, so I laughed, and then I forgot about it. A few days after this, we're exchanging some spicy texts before he gets home from work he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face." I could not believe he just said that to me, but I didn't know what else to do at the time but go along with it.
Fast forward to this December. This phrase re-enters his vocabulary at the same time every year. It makes me cringe beyond belief, but until this year he used it sparingly enough for me to just be able to laugh and say "shut the fuck up."
I'm sure that 2020 has done at least some irreparable psychic damage to all people, but unfortunately, for my boyfriend, this has manifested in the form of him referring to his cum as "Greggnog" non-stop. This month he has been using the term almost exclusively, in all contexts, and it is driving me batshit insane. I sat him down to talk last week, and I asked him very clearly and directly to stop. At the time, he said he would, and it did slow down for a few days, but it is now four days after Christmas and he's back at it again with no end in sight.
He absolutely means the world to me, and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I have serious doubts now whether or not I can if every Christmas is going to be like this. So please, reddit, what do I do to make this stop for good?
Classic
Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith
twitchquotes:
The year is 20XX. Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith. No longer are matches decided through complex inputs and tactics. It began when some questioned the idea of matchups against characters. The community realized that gameplay no longer mattered, and only the character. Tournaments became complex games of rock-paper-scissors, and eventually another epiphany was had. Why bother with deciding afterwards and wasting time when the match could be decided before it began? Thus, referees decided who won and who lost automatically using a combination of facial recognition AI, mandatory reflex tests, and standardized quizzes and tests on military tactics and stratagem. With time, tests weren't even needed. Judges became so acute at deciding who won and who lost that tournaments happened in seconds, and results uploaded in less. The final destination was reached. Babies were bred and engineered to become the most desirable "players", if one could call it that. Soon, humanity ceased to think, and became mindless slaves to the autonomous ones and zeroes that decided their worth, ironically becoming the machines they once played with.
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Super Smash Bros
Mew
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Pokemon
Fortnite, as a game, shows the failures of capitalism
twitchquotes:
Fortnite, as a game, shows the failures of capitalism. The whole premise of buying VBucks for bling and novelty with real money creates a divide between the rich and the poor over something completely useless. The struggle to compete for weapons in game shows how people who get lucky will win - if, under a communistic style - Fortnite started with everyone sharing the same weapons, only then will the best at the game win the royale. Now you see, “the game” and “Fortnite” can easily be replaced with “working” and “society”, and you have the description of communism. By underlining these basic errors in such a system Fortnite acts as perfect communist propoganda. Workers of the world, unite!
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