[Copypasta] Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG

Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG developed by a bunch of monkeys. Right away you'll notice Chess has no storyline. Instead, all you notice is the the White army and the Black army are fighting each other over a battlefield. Note the "a battlefield," because Chess only has one story map. As for the actual combat, it's extremely dull. Each unit can kill another with only one hit. This means units with a real good movement ability dominate the field (more on that bellow). There aren't even any combat animations or anything that happens in combat. One unit moves on it's space and "captures" it, and the piece is removed from the game with no form of action or special effects. Yawn. Chess has shitty class balance. The Queen is flat out overpowered while your actual front line units, the Pawns. can't do shit. I think the developers were afraid that no one would use the female character so they buffed up her abilities really high but now theres no point in using any other unit. The rest of the units suck. Rooks can only move in 4 directions, same with Bishops. Boring. Also, whats up with the Knight? It has the most bizzare combat abilities of all the units. They're retardly hard to use cause they jump around like retards to move and attack. The devs should have named this unit Ninja, since Knights didn't jump around like that in real life. Worst part, is the king. You see, the devs decided that if your king gets captured, you instantly lose the game. W-T-F? This wouldn't be a problem, except that he can't move for crap. Seriously, the most important unit in the game can only move 1 space a turn? Good luck keeping him alive while every other unit in the game dances around him. Unbalanced classes, lackluster gameplay, and not to mention repetitive 1 hour+ games. Chess is not worth the time or your money. Buy Final Fantasy Tactics or Disgaea instead. 3 out of 10.
December 2020
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YOU. ME. GAS STATION.

What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh, there was a roofie inside of our gas station sushi, we black out and wake up in a sewer. We're surrounded by fish; horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy, the stench draws in a bear. What are we gonna do? We're gonna fight it. BEAR FIGHT. BEAR HANDED. BEAR naked? oh yes, please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl. then we ride into a chuck-e-cheese, dance dance revolution. REVOLUTION? OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT? uh, I think so. next thing you know, i'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then i turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out which i didn't know you could do, then i smoked a joint. Greened-out, then i turned into the sun. uh oh, looks like the meth is kicking in.
January 2022

Jade Idol, shuffle 3 more copies into the chat

twitchquotes: :christmas_tree: Jade Idol :christmas_tree: When this card enters the chat, shuffle 3 more copies into the chat :christmas_tree:
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December 2016

Hearthstone

Thijs please remove your shirt immediately

twitchquotes: Hello @Thijs this is the Belastingdienst - the Tax and Customs Administration of the Netherlands. We have founds some discrepancies in your tax return. In order to correct your mistakes and avoid getting a fine - please remove your shirt immediately. Thank you for your cooperation.
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June 2019
Thijs

Nintendo Reggie

⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠸⠟⠛⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠉⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⣠⠠⠄⠄⠸⣽⣿⣷⠄⠄⢀⣴⡆⠄⢀⡀⠄⢀⣤⣔⣿⣆⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣼⣧⣼⣿⣦⢶⣲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣜⣿⣿⣟⣿⣣⣵⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠿⠛⠉⠉⠉⠋⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡿⢻⣿⣿⣾⣶⣦⣤⣴⣶⣦⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⣐⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣷⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠑⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣰⡧⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣳⣦⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠏⠍⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿
July 2019

EXTRA THICC

twitchquotes: 乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚
twitch chat
June 2017
Text-to-Speech Playing