[Copypasta] Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG

Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG developed by a bunch of monkeys. Right away you'll notice Chess has no storyline. Instead, all you notice is the the White army and the Black army are fighting each other over a battlefield. Note the "a battlefield," because Chess only has one story map. As for the actual combat, it's extremely dull. Each unit can kill another with only one hit. This means units with a real good movement ability dominate the field (more on that bellow). There aren't even any combat animations or anything that happens in combat. One unit moves on it's space and "captures" it, and the piece is removed from the game with no form of action or special effects. Yawn. Chess has shitty class balance. The Queen is flat out overpowered while your actual front line units, the Pawns. can't do shit. I think the developers were afraid that no one would use the female character so they buffed up her abilities really high but now theres no point in using any other unit. The rest of the units suck. Rooks can only move in 4 directions, same with Bishops. Boring. Also, whats up with the Knight? It has the most bizzare combat abilities of all the units. They're retardly hard to use cause they jump around like retards to move and attack. The devs should have named this unit Ninja, since Knights didn't jump around like that in real life. Worst part, is the king. You see, the devs decided that if your king gets captured, you instantly lose the game. W-T-F? This wouldn't be a problem, except that he can't move for crap. Seriously, the most important unit in the game can only move 1 space a turn? Good luck keeping him alive while every other unit in the game dances around him. Unbalanced classes, lackluster gameplay, and not to mention repetitive 1 hour+ games. Chess is not worth the time or your money. Buy Final Fantasy Tactics or Disgaea instead. 3 out of 10.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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When I was 13, I came out to my parents as a Morbius male.

When i was 13, i came out to my parents as a morbius male. They couldnt accept my morbality, so they sent me off to camp. They just didnt understand— i was morbed that way. At the camp, they gave us electromorb therapy to morb us into beta males. I resisted the treatment, being a morbius male, you cant morb me out of being morbed. I fooled the counselors into thinking they had successfully morbed be into a beta male, and i returned home. To this day, i live a double life— one for my parents, who still cannot accept morbality, and one where its always morbin time.
June 2022

Morbius

Kripp and Arthus

twitchquotes: My son the day you were born, the very websites of internet whispered the name: Kripparian.My child, I watched with pride as you grew into a gamer of hardcoreness.Remember, our family always played hardcore with friends and I know you will never play casual scrubcore shit, but the truest hardcoreness is my son is the entertaining your viewers. I tell you this for when my days come to an end you shall not be casual.
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Why am I always being put in the friend zone

twitchquotes: Why am I always being put in the friend zone. I'm a nice guy, work a nice job, and would do anything for m'lady. In the end these girls always go after DOUCHEBAG guys who treat them like shit, and only talk to me to cry about it. I'm sick of being considered 'beta' or whatever you call it.
twitch chat
November 2018

Yes Chad (Nordic Gamer)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⡛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠒⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⠂⠈⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠷⠤⣄⠈⠛⠦⣀⠀⠑⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠒⠤⣘⣯⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠓⠢⢤⣀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⠈⠓⢤⡀⠀⠀⠉⠐⠠⢀⠀⠀⠈⠐⠄⡀⠈⠢⡀⠀⠀⠹⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⡶⠤⣄⡈⠳⣤⡀⠀⠙⠲⣄⡀⠈⠓⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠑⠂⠀⠀⠀⢀⡐⠀⣈⣁⣠⡀⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠉⠻⣷⣤⡙⢦⣤⣍⣓⣦⣰⣶⡽⣷⣶⡟⠛⠿⠿⠶⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠉⠋⠈⠉⠙⠉⠉⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢦⣙⡄⠀⠉⠉⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⢀⡀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠈⠏⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠀⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⣦⣀⣤⣶⣒⣶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⠀⢀⣠⡶⠛⠉⠻⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠙⠚⠛⣦⠤⡤⠬⡙⠓⠦⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⢿⡉⠀⠒⠢⡄⢹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠆⠀⣻⣛⣂⣤⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣏⠳⣽⣤⡴⠦⡌⡄⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠏⠀⡌⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡏⠳⡄⢸⡇⠀⢀⠇⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡟⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣴⡋⠹⣗⡙⠻⡇⠀⠈⣰⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⢿⠀⠹⢦⡀⢨⡁⣇⢀⣼⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣦⣤⣤⣶⣤⣤⡨⠀⢰⠖⠒⢤⡀⡼⡇⠈⠳⡀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⡏⠘⠦⠤⠤⠤⠴⠶⠦⠴⠖⠒⠋⢙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⢠⡀⢨⡙⠦⢤⣸⠟⡆⢠⢻⠃⢷⠀⠀⠘⠦⠀⠀⠁⠈⢻⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣦⣵⣄⠉⡀⠀⠈⢿⠁⢴⡾⠀⠈⢧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠚⣿⠿⠶⠶⠶⣦⠃⡴⠶⠶⠶⠶⣶⠾⠷⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣦⠀⣠⡴⠶⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠁⠀⣿⠉⠄⢻⡀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣼⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢯⠇⠀⠀⠀⣼⠀⠈⢸⣧⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡾⢀⠀⠀⢠⠏⠀⠀⢀⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠟⠀⠀⠀⢰⣏⣽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣄⣸⣤⣴⠋⠄⠀⡄⠈⡻⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⠁⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⣷⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠙⠋⠈⣷⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠁⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠇⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣷⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⡀⠄⠀⠀⠆⠀⠀⡀⢀⣬⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡟⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⣠⣄⣀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⣀⣠⣼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⢻⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡟⠛⠛⠛⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣼⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2021

Reynad created the Hearth and the Stone

twitchquotes: In the beginning Reynad created the Hearth and the Stone. There were no cards nor a meta. Then Reynad said "Let there be cards"; and there were cards. He then said "Let there be a Meta"; and there was a Meta. ~ The Book of Dennisis
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

Hearthstone

Text-to-Speech Playing