[Copypasta] Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG

Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG developed by a bunch of monkeys. Right away you'll notice Chess has no storyline. Instead, all you notice is the the White army and the Black army are fighting each other over a battlefield. Note the "a battlefield," because Chess only has one story map. As for the actual combat, it's extremely dull. Each unit can kill another with only one hit. This means units with a real good movement ability dominate the field (more on that bellow). There aren't even any combat animations or anything that happens in combat. One unit moves on it's space and "captures" it, and the piece is removed from the game with no form of action or special effects. Yawn. Chess has shitty class balance. The Queen is flat out overpowered while your actual front line units, the Pawns. can't do shit. I think the developers were afraid that no one would use the female character so they buffed up her abilities really high but now theres no point in using any other unit. The rest of the units suck. Rooks can only move in 4 directions, same with Bishops. Boring. Also, whats up with the Knight? It has the most bizzare combat abilities of all the units. They're retardly hard to use cause they jump around like retards to move and attack. The devs should have named this unit Ninja, since Knights didn't jump around like that in real life. Worst part, is the king. You see, the devs decided that if your king gets captured, you instantly lose the game. W-T-F? This wouldn't be a problem, except that he can't move for crap. Seriously, the most important unit in the game can only move 1 space a turn? Good luck keeping him alive while every other unit in the game dances around him. Unbalanced classes, lackluster gameplay, and not to mention repetitive 1 hour+ games. Chess is not worth the time or your money. Buy Final Fantasy Tactics or Disgaea instead. 3 out of 10.
December 2020
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Babbling book is quickly becoming one of my favorite cards

twitchquotes: Babbling book is quickly becoming one of my favorite cards. It's just so positive and generous. Practically costs nothing at all at one mana you drop him on the board and that chill ass mofo gives you a spell to use later in the game. And you also get this adorable little 1/1 can ping things but usually is too harmless to be removed. But more than the BB is just so positive. It comes on the board like "do you want to cast a spell?" and I'm like "yeah BB i do want to cast a spell let's do this shit" and when he attacks he's like "SPELLS ARE FUN" and I'm like "yeah they are SO FUN." He doesn't say some bullshit macho shit like "I will destroy you" he's just like "nah spells are fun." And it looks so happy. I mean this is an inanimate object literally brought to life by magic. It understands it's life is a temporary magical gift and the dude is just fucking loving it. I mean look at his face he's just so happy. I am literally never sad when babbling book is on board. IDK if he's gonna make it into the metagame or not but for now he (or she) a pretty chill card
twitch chat
December 2016

Classic

Hearthstone

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Jebaited isn't so great? Are you kidding me?

twitchquotes: Jebaited isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a meme with such influence and beauty in Twitch chat? Jebaited takes Twitch to another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see another Twitch meme with the same level of memeness. Unite my Twitch brothers! We will forever sing in the old Jewish hymn: "Kappa outdated. PogChamp overrated. Long have we waited. Now we Jebaited."
twitch chat
January 2017

Response to Sadge brother letter

twitchquotes: ๐Ÿ“œ โœ ๏ธ Okayge ๐“‘๐“ป๐“ธ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ป ๐“˜ ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ฒ๐“ฟ๐“ฎ๐“ญ ๐”‚๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ป ๐“ถ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ผ๐“ช๐“ฐ๐“ฎ ๐”€๐“ฎ๐“ต๐“ต. ๐“˜๐“ฝ ๐“ฎ๐”๐“ฌ๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎ๐“ผ ๐“ถ๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ธ ๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฏ๐“ธ๐“ป๐“ถ ๐”‚๐“ธ๐“พ ๐“ช๐“ซ๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ฝ ๐“ช ๐“ฌ๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ด ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐“ฟ๐“ฎ, ๐“ฏ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ฝ ๐“ท๐“ธ๐“ฝ, ๐“ฌ๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ด ๐”€๐“ฒ๐“ต๐“ต ๐“ซ๐“ฎ ๐“ผ๐“ฎ๐“ท๐“ฝ ๐”‚๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ป ๐”€๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ผ๐“ธ๐“ธ๐“ท.
twitch chat
August 2020
Forsen

Morons will copy anything if it's long enough

twitchquotes: Morons in this chat will copy anything you say if it's long enough. They won't even read the entire message. They just see a paragraph of text and instinctually copy it and paste it as if they wrote it themselves. It's actually sad how brain dead you people can be, copying and pasting things that have no meaning only because it caught your attention. FailFish
twitch chat
March 2018

I hate Twitch Chat

salty

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