[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

James Patterson plays Druid

twitchquotes: The date is December 19th, 2018, at 630 am. James Patterson has just finished making his morning coffee. James Patterson hates his job, but looks forward each morning to playing ladder with the one deck he could afford to craft: Druid. On turn two, he attempts to drag Wild Growth onto the battlefield. He rubs his eyes, and to his horror sees that the card now costs 3 mana. With nothing left to live for, James Patterson opens his apartment window and buys a subaru.
twitch chat
December 2018

Hearthstone

This reddit sub is not funny

I have been in this shitty sub for almost a year and the humour here almost didn’t change at all. All of you here are so fucking unfunny it hurts to even open Reddit and see your “jokes” on my home page. The word 69 is not funny at ALL. 420 is also not funny. I know they are the sex and weed number but how is that funny at all? Do you just say “oh I’m almost about to get 69 karma haha funny”????? You’re not. Saying “penis” or when asked to say a joke “my life” isn’t fucking funny in any way. How is a whole group of teenagers SO UNFUNNY???? I used to have this type of “humour” for a bit (not that long so thank god) and after I realized how much it was being repeated I realized that you guys are embarrassing. No one out of Reddit likes or respects ANY of you. TIK TOK is funnier then here AND ALWAYS WILL BE. “So leave the sub” that won’t fix the sub though, will it? It hurts to see your “jokes”. Develop a sense of humor or just get out😐
May 2021

Just a little longer and i'll be free...

twitchquotes: "Alright, time for a quick bathroom break. Prime it up guys." I say as i take off my headphones. Once i'm out of camera view, i break down. The tears won't stop. "Goddamn it, i can't do this shit anymore." Rania puts her hand on my shoulder, "Just a few more years, then you'll be able to retire." She never understood. She never had to spend the hours playing this fucking card game over and over every night. But she's right, i have to keep going. Just a little longer and i'll be free...
twitch chat
July 2020
Kripp

TSM, also known as "Throw Some More"

TSM, also known as "Throw Some More" is a North American cyber sports organization internationally recognized for their ability to lose any game from a winning position
April 2021

League of Legends

Pepechrist emote

⠄⢀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣤⣄⡀⠄⠄⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣴⣏⣹⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣋⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⢟⣩⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣶⣮⣭⡂⢛⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣍⣛⣂⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣫⣭⣷⣶⣾⣭⣼⡻⢛⣛⣭⣭⣶⣶⣬⣭⣅⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⡿⢏⣵⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⢉⡉⠙⢿⣇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠉⢻⡷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣷⣾⣍⣛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣁⣤⣿⢏⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣥⣾⠁⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣕⣒⠿⠭⠭⠭⡷⢖⣫⣶⣶⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣥⡶⢣⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣟⣛⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⣝⡛⣿⢟⣛⣛⣁⣀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣀⣀⣀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⢛⣛⣛⣛⣙⣛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣬⣭⣭⠽⣛⢻⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⠛ ⣿⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣛⣛⣶⠶⠶⠶⣦⣭⣭⣭⣭⣶⡶⠶⣾⠟⢸⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⡻⢮⣭⣭⣭⣭⣉⣛⣛⡻⠿⠿⠷⠶⠶⠶⠶⣶⣶⣾⣿⠟⢣⣬⣛⡻⢱⣇⠄⠄ ⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠶⠒⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⢟⣫⡥⡆⠄⠄ ⢭⣭⣝⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣿⣿⡿⢛⣋⡉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⢸⣿⣧⡅⠄⠄ ⣶⣶⣶⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣵⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠡⣿⣿⡯⠁⠄⠄
November 2019

Pepe

Text-to-Speech Playing