[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Twitch Chat created a strategy that revolved around...

twitchquotes: Twitch Chat created a strategy that revolved around trying to defeat your livestreamer in one minute with a bunch of copypasta in the chat. Fighting for chat control and battles between mods make an overall chat more fun and compelling, but taking the same pasta and copying it 20+ times is not particularly fun or interactive...
twitch chat
September 2015
Kripp

You see, I have a very high IQ

twitchquotes: You see, I have a very high IQ. Do you want to know why? Well, I'll tell you anyways, I have a high IQ because I watch this amazing television show (which to my surprise piqued my interest unlike many other television shows) Rick and Morty. This show is remarkably intellectual (Like me, mind you) and not like any other animated shows. My most favorite joke from the show is "WUBALUBADUBDUB" it makes me giddy inside and knowing the common folk wont understand the joke makes me laugh even harder!
twitch chat
March 2019

Rick and Morty

Why Pornhub is a rip-off of Spongebob Squarepants

Welcome back to Watchmojo.com, where we tell you our Top 5 picks for why Pornhub is a rip-off of Spongebob Squarepants. Pornhub is a website for watching stuff that your parents don't like. However, this concept may be based on an episode of the animated series Spongebob Squarepants where the titular main character is watching a video of a flesh-colored anenome dancing, while Gary walks in, and so Spongebob quickly grabs the television's remote and changes the channel immediately. Plankton has once said a phrase while speaking about Spongebob, which is "You will be mine". Many fans suggest that Spongebob (who can't be gay because he is fucking genderless smh) is a homosexual, and while saying this he is referring to his brain, which is, in texture, much like a woman's reproductive organs. In the episode of the Spongebob Squarepants series "Face Freeze", one scene shows Spongebob and Patrick's head looking like male and female external genitalia, and later they sleep in the same tent. Later on, Sandy pulls out her dirty, sharp hands and rubs on Spongebob's face, which may have inspired most videos in Pornhub's "lesbian" category. If you count the scene beforehand, this may also be one of the heterosexual "blowjobs". Another scene of Plankton includes him speaking about the Krabby Patty's secret sauce, he utters, while sweating behind iron bars and inside Spongebob's head, "yes, Yes, YES! COME TO PAPA!". Another one, from the movie, is when he says "Daddy yes!". These may have inspired either BDSM, incest porn, or some hentai. Also, Patrick licks his ass. Many Pornhub videos have used fake Spongebobs as character. Sometimes gay, straight, or even hentai. Especially a video where the opening is horrendously remade version of the Spongebob Squarepants intro theme, and the main character is a black man with a yellow painted face, who decides to refer to himself as "Spongeknob Squarenuts". And now, time for our honorable mentions!!!!! a) in the season 5 episode, "Spy Buddies", Patrick constantly uses his butt laser. This inspired Squirting. b) Squidward mentions that Mr. Krabs' "weiner thing" will "blow up in his face. This enspired Cumming. c) Squidward has also used a vacuum cleaner to suck on his penis. This inspired Vibrators and Fleshlights. d) Spongebob uses both animation and live action in episodes, much like Pornhub has live-action and hentai.
June 2021

Among Us In Real Life Song Lyrics (Emojipasta)

AMONG ๐Ÿ˜ณ US ๐Ÿ…ฑ๏ธ IN ๐Ÿ˜ฑ REAL ๐Ÿ˜ต LIFE ๐Ÿ’ฉ SUS ๐Ÿ“ฎ SUS AMONG ๐Ÿ˜ณ US ๐Ÿ…ฑ๏ธ IN ๐Ÿ˜ฑ REAL ๐Ÿ˜ต LIFE ๐Ÿ’ฉ SUS ๐Ÿ“ฎ SUS PLAYING ๐Ÿˆ AMONG ๐Ÿ’€ US ๐Ÿ˜ก IN ๐Ÿค— REAL ๐Ÿค  LIFE SPACESHIP ๐Ÿš€ WITH ๐Ÿ‘พ MY ๐Ÿ‘… CREW GOTTA ๐Ÿฅท๐Ÿฟ SPLIT ๐Ÿ˜š UP ๐Ÿคก SPREAD โ‰๏ธ OUT ๐Ÿ“ฎCUZ ๐Ÿ˜ƒ WE ๐Ÿ˜‹ ALL ๐Ÿ˜ GOT ๐Ÿ˜ฏ TASKS ๐Ÿ‘ป TO ๐Ÿ‘ฝ DO GOTTA ๐Ÿ‘ฟ FIND ๐Ÿ‘บ THE ๐Ÿคง IMPOSTER ๐Ÿคซ AS ๐Ÿ‘€ THEY ๐Ÿ›– TRY ๐Ÿ—ฟ TO ๐Ÿ›ถ SA๐Ÿ…ฑ๏ธOTAGE WHO ๐Ÿ“ฎCAN ๐Ÿ…ฑ๏ธ WE ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท TRUST ๐Ÿ˜‚ IN ๐Ÿคช THIS ๐Ÿคฏ AMONG ๐Ÿคญ US ๐Ÿคฃ ENTOURAGE.
June 2021

Emoji Pasta

Among Us / Amogus

Hi Kripp, sleazy video game developer here

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp, sleazy video game developer here. I understand you are willing to sell yourself out like a cheap Romanian hooker to any two-bit game development outfit as long as they dangle some shekels in front of your beady little eyes? Great! Because I have this brilliant game in beta testing right now called "Watching Paint Dry" and I am willing to pay you $5.00 USD to play it for 24 hours straight. Let me know what you think, you glorious sellout!
twitch chat
June 2016
Kripp

sellout

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing