[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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How do I get my husband to stop going ‘Goblin Mode’ during sex?

How do I get my husband to stop going ‘Goblin Mode’ during sex? TLDR; My husband says ‘Goblin Mode activated’ when we start to have sex, growls and acts like a caveman, and then says ‘Goblin Mode off’ when we stop, and then pretends not to remember afterward. I really love my husband and he’s always been great in bed. But recently he’s been acting really weird. So, a couple of days ago, my son went on a rampage through our house and said he was in ‘Goblin Mode’. We didn’t really know what to do with him, so we sent him to live with my parents so he can go to a special needs school. My husband a really great relationship with our son and loved him more than anything. Naturally, he was upset when he had to leave. He’s an incredibly tough man, but this was the first time I’ve ever seen him cry. I think since then, he’s been a little emotionally unwell. I’ve heard him muttering, ‘Goblin’ repeatedly when he didn’t notice me, staring blankly into his food, and just going alone by himself to do who knows what. I feel awful for him, but we both agreed that this was for the best. Last night, the day after our son went away, we decided to have sex to relieve our stress. However, my husband said ‘Goblin Mode activated’, starting growling, and went wild having sex with me. Admittedly, it was some of the best and most experimental sex I’ve ever had, but I’m worried that something might be going on with my husband. Any advice? Edit: The problem isn’t the ‘Goblin Mode’, it’s that he could be ill
July 2022

Confessions

Classic

Saitama

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡴⠶⠶⠶⠶⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠴⠶⠶⠤⠀⢠⡿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⢋⣽⣿⠷⠀⠀⠀⡞⠁⠀⢀⠈⠉⠦⠀⠀⢠⣠⡞⠉⡉⠉⠳⠄⣼⣿ ⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠳⣄⡀⠀⢀⡠⠃⠀⠀⣼⠉⢧⣀⣀⣠⠴⠀⣿⣿ ⠇⢻⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡆⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿ ⠀⢸⣿⣷⣦⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿ ⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿ ⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣤⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
May 2019

Greekeroni Philosopheroni

twitchquotes: hey qtpie i'm a greekeroni philosopheroni and i want to share my toughts. so far for me KAPPA is god KAPPA is in everything so we are KAPPA we are god this is my philosopheroni pls no kapparoni papajohnny
twitch chat
August 2014
imaqtpie

Please put an NSFW tag on this

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
December 2021

Reddit

Purpose of Twitch chat

twitchquotes: What is the purpose of twitch if not to let those with introversion let out their wierdest inner thoughts in writing through random emotes to an awkward king like forsen. Please no cheese in my pizza. Fettuccini Alfredo
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen
Text-to-Speech Playing