[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Dance party

β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘ β–‘β•”β•‘β–β–β•žβ•β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘β•”β•‘β–β–β•žβ•β–‘ β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘β•šβ•‘β–Œβ–Œβ•žβ•—β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ•šβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ•šβ–‘β–‘β–‘ ░░░░░░░░░░╝╝░░░ DANCE PARTY β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘ β–‘β•”β•‘XXβ•žβ•β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘β•”β•‘XXβ•žβ•β–‘ β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘β•šβ•‘XXβ•žβ•—β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ•šβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ•šβ–‘β–‘β–‘ ░░░░░░░░░░╝╝░░░░░░░░░░
November 2014

My boss recently discovered Among Us

Oh my fucking god guys I am fucking fuming. So the other day at work my boss told us that he recently discovered the video game Among Us, and ever since, his behaviour has become rather concerning. He now refers to me and my coworkers as 'crewmates'. Last Wednesday, when he noticed my teenage colleague slacking off at his workstation, he yelled at him saying he was "faking his tasks" and is "acting sus". I confronted my boss telling him that his behaviour lately has been egregious and immature, and he proceeded to call me an idiot and yelled "kicked!" The next day I caught him dancing around in his office blasting "among drip" from his desktop at full volume. I entered his office to kindly ask him to turn off the music since it was distracting to me and my coworkers. He looked at me angrily, telling me he has called an "emergency meeting", instructing me to have a seat. I asked him what was the matter and he told me that I have been acting extremely "sus". He repeatedly yelled "you're the impostor", telling me to say goodbye to my job because I have been "ejected". I fucking lost my job and I don't know what to do. Please help me Reddit! I have nowhere else to turn.
March 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Your anime dreams will not happen

You will never be Japanese. You will never find the love of your life in Japan, who looks like this and is a cutiepie Japanese girl. You will never be the protagonist in an anime. You will never have superpowers that allow you to overcome your most greatest tribulations. You'll always be a loser.
February 2021

Weebs

Kripp uploads a video that breaks Pornhub's terms of use

twitch chat
August 2014
Kripp

Apple announces an EV program

Oh boy I can't wait until 2024 when I can wake up to my Apple Homepod Siri alarm and check my Apple Watch for notifications and take a shower in my Apple Big Douche then put my makeup on before work in my Apple Mirror then take my Apple Car to my job at Apple Phone Plant #584 so I can work on my Mac Pro workstation designing the latest Apple Product the iShit smart toilet that syncs with your iAsshole to sense when you have a massive log brewing in my large intestine and sends me a notification to my apple colonoscopy bag. Russian hackers will know what I had for dinner.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

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