[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Kripparrian... this Bro Fist is for you

twitchquotes: As he raises his "Bro Fist" gently against his cam, I raise my donger against my cam. I feel how for that moment, Kripparrian and I become one. My donger starts to shake, and I close my eyes, letting out a small moan as our "Bro Fists" e-touches. "Kripparrian.. this Bro Fist is for you" I whisper to myself. Kreygasm
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Just a feller out on the farm

β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β£€β£€β£€β£€β£€β£€β£€β£€β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β »β‘Ώβ ›β ›β ›β ›β »β’Ώβ‘Ώβ ƒβ €β €β €β €β €β € ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⑄⑇⠀⠀ KKona β €β ˆβ‘‡β €β €β €β €β €β €β € ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣧⣇⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣢⣷⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣀⠀⣠⣀⒀⣀⣠⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀ β’°β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ώβ ›β ›β ›β ›β »β£Ώβ£·β €β € β£Έβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ώβ ›β ›β ›β »β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˜β£Ώβ‘·β € ⠻Ⓙ⣿⑏⠀⠀⣢⠀⠀Ⓕ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⑄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣧⣀ ⠀⠀Ⓓ⣷⑀⠀⠀⠀⒀⣿⣿⣉⑉⠉⠉⠉⠉⒙⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⒀⣼⣿⠛⠓ β €β ˆβ ›β ›β ›β “β ’β šβ ›β ›β ›β ›β ›β ‹β ™β ›β ›β ›β ›β Ÿβ Ώβ ·β Άβ Άβ Ύβ Ώβ’Ώβ Ώβ Ώβ Ώ Don't mind me, just a feller out on the farm.
March 2019

Classic

TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them. Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem. At the time my girlfriend, now FiancΓ©e, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day. While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made. Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that! Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
August 2021

Classic

HELLO

twitchquotes: α••β”Œβ—•α—œβ—•β”α•— HELLO HELLO HELLO α••β”Œβ—•α—œβ—•β”α•—
twitch chat
December 2014
strifecro

Ban hammer

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–„β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–„β–„β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–€β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
November 2014
Text-to-Speech Playing