[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
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Crewmate with feminine legs

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February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Lonely Moby Dick

twitchquotes: So in Moby Dick why does Captain Ahab never consider that the whale is just lonely and looking for love? Clearly it's been through a lot from the scarring and probably wants to settle down in it's golden years. Personnally, if i were captain, i would have been a good human and take 2 and a half feet of whale cock to ease his pain
twitch chat
June 2020

Faceful Void

░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░▄▄▄▀▀▀▀▀▄▄▄░░░░░░ ░▄▄▀░░░░░░░░░░▀▀▀▄▄░░ ▄▀░░░░▀▀▄░░░░▄▀░░░▀▄░ ▌░░░░░▄▄▄░░▄░▄▄░░░▄▀░ ▐░░░░▀▐▌░░▒▐░▐▌▀░░█░░ ░▀▀▄▄░░░░░▀▀░░░▄▄▀▄░░ ░▄▀░█▀▄░▄▀█▀▀▄▐▄▄▄░▌░ ▐▌▄▀░░▐▐▀█▀█▀▌▌░░▐░▐░ ░▌▐▌░░░▌▀▀▀▀▀▐░░░▄▌▐▀ ░▐▄▀░░▐█▀▀▀▀██░▀▄▀▀▀░ ░░░░░░█▌░░░░█▌░▀░░░░░ ░░░░░▐█░░░░▐█░░░░░░░░ ░░░░▀▀░░░░░░▀▀░░░░░░░
June 2015

Dota 2

Imagine using a mid tier character

twitchquotes: Imagine using a mid tier character that needs tons of practice and dedication as you need to memorize every gimp and gimmick and you lose to some smash 4 downsmash down B up B shit
twitch chat
April 2019

Super Smash Bros

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter?

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter? I’ve never heard that joke before, but it’s so genius! You sir, or madame, or helicopter, are the absolute most hilarious and original person I have ever seen in my entire life. Move over, Jerry Seinfeld. Get lost, Brian Regan. Out of the way, Family Guy Funny Moments Compilation #53. There’s a new funniest man in town. Holy shit, I just can’t get over this joke. I’m giggling and guffawing harder than ever before. You should win an Oscar and an Emmy and a Grammy and a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award. Attack helicopter gender! Wow! So funny! Take that, liberals! Haha. Every night since I was born I have looked up to the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and wondered, “I hope one day I can be as funny as the attack helicopter gender guy.” I will tell my children, and my children’s children, all about the absolute hilarity that went down just now. You just broke the Guinness World Record for funniest and most original jokester on the planet. I’m fucking simultaneously shitting and cumming because this joke is just so funny. Holy shit. That was an amazing joke, my guy. I’m gonna make a subreddit dedicated entirely to this one joke. It’s gonna get thousands of members! History books will forever remember the time you said, “I identify as an attack helicopter.” It’ll go right there in the important quote book, right between Patrick Henry and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I just can’t believe I was here to witness such grandeur. I was here! I think I’m going to make a whole religion based on worshipping you, my glorious and hilarious attack helicopter God. This is just so funny I can’t believe it! Hahahahahahahahahaha! I think I’m going to go to the hospital and fucking die from laughing to hard, but that’s okay! This is even funnier than that guy who said he identified as a toaster! Can you believe it? I never thought that very different joke could be topped, but here we are! Did I mention how funny and original that joke was? Ah, well done, sir, or madame, or helicopter. This is an experience I won’t forget any time soon. Ha. Haha. Ha. Lol. Lmao. Haha. Jajaja. Lmfao. Rofl, rotfl, ha.
June 2021
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