[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Your team is all washed up

twitchquotes: Rick Fox invites Shiphtur to his private island, and says to him, "I want you to play on my team." "But who will be my teammates?" Shiphtur replies. Just as he asks that, Dyrus, Scarra, Voyboy and Imaqtpie swim ashore. Rick Fox smiles as he looks towards the shore: "Your team is all washed up."
twitch chat
July 2017

League of Legends

Does it look like I give a duck about your chat experience?

twitchquotes: DuckerZ DOES DuckerZ IT DuckerZ LOOK DuckerZ LIKE DuckerZ I DuckerZ GIVE DuckerZ A DuckerZ DUCK DuckerZ ABOUT DuckerZ YOUR DuckerZ CHAT DuckerZ EXPERIENCE? DuckerZ
twitch chat
April 2016

Classic

Marketing Director for Doritos messages Kripp

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘᴀʀɪɴᴏ, ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴍᴀʀᴋᴇᴛɪɴɢ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛᴏʀ ғᴏʀ ᴅᴏʀɪᴛᴏs, ᴄʜᴜᴄᴋ ᴏʀᴡᴇʟʟ ᴘʏʀɪɴᴏ, ᴀᴋᴀ ᴄ.ᴏ. ᴘʏʀɪɴᴏ. sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴡ ᴄᴀsᴜᴀʟ sᴇʟʟᴏᴜᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴘᴏɴsᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ! ᴀʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ɪs ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇʀᴄɪᴀʟ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴛᴏsɪs ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴇᴀᴛ ғʀɪᴛᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ sᴀʏ ɴᴏ ғʀɪᴛᴏʀɪɴᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴀᴛ ᴅᴏʀɪᴛᴏ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

moon2WOW

⣿⣿⣿⠛⠉⢀⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⠷⠄⠄⠄⢘⣲⣄⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠛⠁⠄⢸⣿⣿⡿⣋⣤⠤⠄⠄⣀⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣅⡀⠹⣿⣿ ⠇⠄⠌⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣁⣴⣾⣿⣿⠟⡛⠛⢿⣆⢸⣿⣿⣿⠫⠄⠈⢻⠄⢹⣿ ⠄⠘⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠅⢀⣼⡿⠘⢿⣿⣿⣷⣥⣴⡿⠄⢸⣿ ⠄⠃⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⡙⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠋⠁⣠⡀⠠⠭⠭⠭⢥⣤⠄⢸⣿ ⢸⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⣛⠒⠒⠒⢂⣁⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿ ⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿ ⡏⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⠃⢀⣿ ⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿ ⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠄⠹⣶⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠛⢿⠄⢸⣿ ⠃⠠⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢰⣿⣿⣧⠄⡀⠄⢀⣠⣶⣿⠗⠄⢀⣾⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠈⣿⣿⠃⠄⣩⣴⣿⣿⣿⣃⣤⣶⠄⢹⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢠⣿⣧⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣋⡀⠘⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠁⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠄⠻ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⡖
July 2021
MOONMOON

Travis Scott Burger

I have a theory about the Travis Scott burger. I think it’s a sham. It’s all a multi million dollar misinformation campaign. McDonalds has been hurting for a new supply of beef due to the Covid 19 pandemic. With all of the meat processing plant closures, they had to look elsewhere to get their precious beef for the ever so hungry American. They needed a new supplier. This has to be nobody other than Travis Scott. You see, since marrying Kylie Jenner, he had access to all of her cosmetic company’s animal testing plants. It was easy for Travis to get ahold of meat... it was too easy. Travis knew McDonalds was desperate for new meat, so he struck while the iron was hot. Through a swift negotiation, he had the multi billion dollars corporation by the balls, the sweet sweet balls. Travis agreed to supply them with the meat, only he lead them to believe it was coming from cows when in reality he was harvesting the animals from the animal cosmetic testing lab. In exchange, he got his name on the McDonalds menu. All for what? Now you may be wondering how I came across this info. And you may be wondering who sent you this information. It was Cactus Jack. Cactus Jack sent this info.
October 2020
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