good news, my sisters pregnant! i'm going to be a .... uncle, you thought i was going to say Dad but i stopped banging my sister years ago
(βΜΏΔΉΜ―ββ¬β΄β¬β΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Being a hentai actress must be so weird
Being a hentai actress must be so weird. Imagine this: youβre in a soundproof room pleasurably screaming into an 800,000Β₯ microphone about how much you love old man dick at 10:47 AM on a Tuesday in October while your 45-year-old boss oversees you through a glass window from the other room. You eventually look up after 2 hours of practicing your unnaturally high-pitched moans and see him give you a big thumbs up as you pretend to have an orgasm.
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My son πwas SO cute today
twitchquotes:
My son πwas SO cute today, he asked me "dad are clouds candy?" I told him they were water. π¦ Then he asked "dad, what's Earth's defense system?" and then I remembered I don't have a son and he asked again his eyes now obsidian black "what is the defense system father"
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How is depression real?
twitchquotes:
HahHaHahAhHAHA How the fuck is depression real? Just be happy 
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