[Copypasta] In Korea, heart surgeon

Number one. Steady hand. One day, Kim Jong Un need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Kim Jong Un die! SSD very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret. I kill Kim Jong Un on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
April 2021

Classic

A variation of this copypasta: https://www.twitchquotes.com/copypastas/4462
(ā–€ĢæĹĢÆā”œā”¬ā”“ā”¬ā”“ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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How do I get my husband to stop going ā€˜Goblin Modeā€™ during sex?

How do I get my husband to stop going ā€˜Goblin Modeā€™ during sex? TLDR; My husband says ā€˜Goblin Mode activatedā€™ when we start to have sex, growls and acts like a caveman, and then says ā€˜Goblin Mode offā€™ when we stop, and then pretends not to remember afterward. I really love my husband and heā€™s always been great in bed. But recently heā€™s been acting really weird. So, a couple of days ago, my son went on a rampage through our house and said he was in ā€˜Goblin Modeā€™. We didnā€™t really know what to do with him, so we sent him to live with my parents so he can go to a special needs school. My husband a really great relationship with our son and loved him more than anything. Naturally, he was upset when he had to leave. Heā€™s an incredibly tough man, but this was the first time Iā€™ve ever seen him cry. I think since then, heā€™s been a little emotionally unwell. Iā€™ve heard him muttering, ā€˜Goblinā€™ repeatedly when he didnā€™t notice me, staring blankly into his food, and just going alone by himself to do who knows what. I feel awful for him, but we both agreed that this was for the best. Last night, the day after our son went away, we decided to have sex to relieve our stress. However, my husband said ā€˜Goblin Mode activatedā€™, starting growling, and went wild having sex with me. Admittedly, it was some of the best and most experimental sex Iā€™ve ever had, but Iā€™m worried that something might be going on with my husband. Any advice? Edit: The problem isnā€™t the ā€˜Goblin Modeā€™, itā€™s that he could be ill
July 2022

Confessions

Classic

Response to "go fuck yourself"

What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
April 2020

Classic

200 word essay due

twitchquotes: 200 word essay due tomorrow and I'm here watching qtpie EleGiggle
twitch chat
March 2016
imaqtpie

Classic

Start with something small like your intelligence

twitchquotes: I've heard shoving things up your ass is quite painful so you might want to start with something small like your intelligence and build up to bigger things like your ego
twitch chat
March 2020

Classic

What is inside that taco? Reynad's tournament wins

twitchquotes: TBTacoLeft TBTacoRight WHAT IS INSIDE THAT TACO TBTacoLeft TBCheesePull 0 TBCheesePull TBTacoRight OH NO IT'S REYNAD'S TOURNAMENT WINS LUL
twitch chat
May 2016
Reynad

Classic

Hearthstone

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