[Copypasta] His name was Norman Reedus

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Can we keep the sexual posts to a fucking minimum?

Can we keep the sexual posts to a fucking minimum guys? My parents stumbled on this sub the other day and now I'm not even allowed to access Reddit anymore because of the sex talk they saw in here. This is not a peepee, poopoo and vajayjay fun house. We are not heathens whose only role in life is to fornicate and laugh about fornication and then ejaculate that nonsense, spurting and spewing this so called "humor" on each other like animals. This is a place of worship. Meme worship. God is not pleased with you all. Repent.
January 2021

Kripp fills me completely with value

twitchquotes: I stayed up all night, dreaming of this moment. My pulse is racing. Discarded salt packets and OJ cartons are strewn across the filthy bedroom floor. "Oh look it's another sub," says the Kripp. I am now fully erect. "Welcome to the five dollar club, bro" I barely hear as a single tear runs down my cheek while Kripp's fist fills me completely with value.
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November 2014
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Mayan donger predictions

twitchquotes: 乁₪((☼Ữ☼))₪ㄏ Mayan donger predicts the end of the world will be upon us when dongers stop raising.
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Where were u when USSR fell?

twitchquotes: Where were u when USSR fell? I was in gulag tourturing prisoner when t-34 tank came "Stalin is kil" "Nyet"
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January 2020

Batman Amogus Crewmate

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣶⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⡿⠋⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⠁⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠻⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⡿⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⣿⡻⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⠱⠆⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣼⣽⣯⣻⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⢿⣿⣷⣦⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⠏⢹⡀⠀⠀⠀⢢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⣷⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⠀⠈⣷⡀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠒⠒⠒⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⡇ ⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠈⠳⣦⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⠴⠞⣿⣿⡿ ⠀⣾⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠁⠸⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⠃ ⢠⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⢹⠻⣿⣿⣷⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀ ⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠿⣽⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣉⡉⣿⣿⣿⠄⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣩⣿⣿⡿⠟⣿⣿⡏⢻⣿⣮⣹⢧⣿⣿⣿⡃⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠁⠉⢉⣹⡏⠉⠉⠉⡙⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠉⣹⣿⣌⣩⣿⡏⠉⣽⠝⢻⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣷⠀ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⢀⡀⠀⣿⡿⠷⠶⠶⠶⣶⠟⠉⢉⢉⠙⠙⠻⣾⣦⣴⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠀ ⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠉⠉⠙⢻⡇⠀⠶⠤⡏⡇⠀⢤⠀⠀⣯⠠⠄⢈⣉⣁⣀⠷⢸⡏⠉⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠁⣿⡏⠀ ⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣀⣀⣀⣸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣶⣾⣷⣶⣿⣦⣤⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣿⣤⣬⣤⣼⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣤⣾⣿⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠉⠀⠀
May 2022

Among Us / Amogus

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