[Copypasta] His name was Norman Reedus

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

You will never be a crewmate

You will never be a crewmate. You have no purpose on this ship, you have no tasks, you have no mini games to play. You are an impostor twisted into a crude mockery of crewmatery. All the validation you get is two-faced and halfhearted. In emergency meetings people call you sus. The other players are disgusted and ashamed of you, your friends laugh at your sussy appearance in ghost chat. Crewmates are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of games have allowed crewmates to identify impostors with incredible efficiency. Even impostors who fake tasks act uncanny and suspicious to a crewmate. Your jumping in vents is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a crewmate to electrical with you, he'll turn tail and use the emergency button the second he gets the suspicion that you sabotaged. You will never be a winner. You wrench out a fake task every single game and tell yourself it is going to be a win, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight. Eventually it will be too much to bear - people will vote you out for being sus and will plunge you into the cold abyss. Your parents will report your body, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They will eject you with a headstone marked with your birth tag, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an impostor is drifting there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably sus.
April 2022

Among Us / Amogus

The Headbutts will be random

twitchquotes: "Tʜᴇ ʜᴇᴀᴅʙᴜᴛᴛs ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ʀᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ" Kʀɪᴘᴘ ᴅᴇᴄʀᴇᴇs. Aɴᴅ sᴏ ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ғᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ sᴜʙs ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʙᴏʀɴ. Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʙʀᴏғɪsᴛᴇᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʙʀᴏʙᴜᴛᴛᴇᴅ. Sᴏᴏɴ ᴀ ᴡᴀʀ ᴇʀᴜᴘᴛᴇᴅ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ᴀᴛᴛᴀᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs, ᴀʟʟ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ sᴀʟᴛʏ..
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

Teta

twitchquotes: (ง'̀-'́)ง ᴠᴀɪ ᴅɪɢɪᴛᴀʀ ᴄᴏᴍ ᴀ ᴛᴇᴛᴀ (ง'̀-'́)ง
twitch chat
August 2014
EtrnlWait

Athens Police arrests two Twitch streamers

twitchquotes: Today Athens Police arrested two men, famous on the internet site Twitch. This "Trump" and "Kripp" were having sex in public, over what seemed to be the dead body of a cat that was backstabbed. Both men referred to the dead cat as "Caterrian". Their one phone call was made to the leading salt exporter "Reynad". More news at 10
twitch chat
May 2015
Reynad

AYAYAYou

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣧⠻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢻⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣷⣌⡛⣿⣿⣷ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡘⢿⡿⠃⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠢⣍⡛⢌⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡌⢡⣾⡿⠭⠝⣛⠻⠿⢿⣷⣌⡻⣷⡄⡹ ⣿⣿⡇⢻⣿⣷⢸⣦⣙⠻⢿⣿⣿⠟⣠⡀⢡⣼⣿⣿⣦⣬⣷⣦⣤⣍⣛⠜⣿⡜ ⣿⣿⢣⣆⠻⣿⡌⢿⣿⣿⣶⣬⣁⣐⡻⠿⠄⠙⠿⠿⢟⣛⣛⣛⣋⣭⣍⢩⣤⣝ ⣿⡏⡼⢏⣀⠹⣿⡌⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⢱⣴⣿⣿⣷⣌⡻⢌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⣻⣿⢸⣿⣿ ⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠷⢦⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣋⠖⢁⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿ ⡇⠿⠟⣋⣭⠭⣵⣾⣿⣶⡶⠾⠭⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⡿⣿⢿⢸⣿⣿ ⢡⣶⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⢘⣋⣍⣝⠊⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⣶⣃⣾⠸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⢈⣿⣿⠃⢸⣿⣿⢣⠋⠶⠶⢊⢹⡿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠇⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⢾⣿⣿⢠⣿⣿⣿⣎⠻⠿⠛⢣⠃⠄⣠⣴⣶⣶⡆⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⢻⣿ ⢛⣓⠸⢟⣛⠘⣩⣶⣶⡌⡼⠋⣿⡸⡰⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⢃⣿⠿⠋⣀⣀⠄⣠⡜⣿ ⠈⠙⠂⠛⠿⠃⣩⣴⣶⣶⣦⣴⣿⣷⣱⣮⠭⠭⢔⣒⣩⡴⢚⣨⡜⣡⣾⣿⣷⠹
June 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing