[Copypasta] His name was Norman Reedus

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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xqcWar (emote)

⣿⣿⡿⠛⣉⣭⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣭⣉⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠟⣩⡖⢿⣿⡟⢿⣿⡿⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣟⣉⠉⣶⡙⣛⣛⣛⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⡇⢸⣦⠀⠠⣾⣷⡞⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣴⣿⣧⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣍⡻⣿⣿ ⣆⠻⡷⢾⣷⣦⣴⣬⣿⣤⣤⡴⠛⠛⠻⣿⣼⣿⢇⡞⠟⠻⢿⠏⠹⠃⠛⣿⣆⢹ ⣿⠗⣨⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣛⣁⣨⡿⠀⠐⢿⡂⢈⡁⣈⣿⡿⢰ ⣁⣈⣥⣴⣶⣦⣤⣭⣉⣉⠩⣭⣭⣴⣾⣶⣤⣤⣾⣿⣷⣿⣾⣷⣾⣷⣿⠟⣡⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠷⣌⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣶⣦⣤⣬ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⣶⠶⢶⠰⢶⡆⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡏⢀⡿⠀⣼⠁⠈⠿⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠁⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠉ ⢋⣉⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣶⠶⠖⠒⠂⠀⠐⠂⠲⣶ ⢠⣶⢀⢸⣿⣦⠶⠶⢶⣶⣶⡶⠶⠒⠾⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠦⢠⠤⠶⠀⣰⣶⣶⣸ ⣼⣿⡆⠘⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡶⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⡟⠙⢰⡟⠀⠀⠀⡀⢙⣿⢯
June 2021
xQcOW

Why did you pick Hero at EVO?

twitchquotes: Nairo, it's been weeks since EVO and I still don't understand why you didn't choose Hero and win the whole thing. It'll be a matter of time before we follow Australia's example and ban him, and you'll be sorry you didn't use his banworthy strength when you could. Also can you use Ganondorf again, he's rlly strong. Sorry for long message, but you should consider my advice. Good luck Nairo!
twitch chat
August 2019
NairoMK

Super Smash Bros

My son won't stop using "TwitchSpeak?

My son (14) watches a lot of video game streamers on Twitch.tv. I personally don't find them entertaining but I can understand why some people (like my son) do. Over the past month he's starting using terms like "pog", "jabaited", and "Kappa" which I guess are terms that are used in the scope of Twitch. I don't have an issue with my son using these terms but it's gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. We were having dinner and my daughter (age 12) was talking about how she got accepted for a summer program with the local animal shelter, and my son said "Pog you, easy clap". I told him that it was getting out of hand and that he would have to communicate normally to his parents and family. To that he said "Weird champ, feels weird man, normies omega LOL." Until he learns to communicate like a normal human being I've blacklisted Twitch from the internet for the time being. He's hysterical now but I told him that I would unblacklist it if he stopped using twitchspeak, but he's refusing to stop so for now it's banned. AITA?
May 2019

Classic

Am I The Asshole?

GivePlz

⡿⠿⠛⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⢀⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣄⡈⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⡉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣦⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠈⢳⡄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠖⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⣿⡄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⢄⡙⠋⠻⡄⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣩⠟⠟⠀⣼⣿⡄⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣭⣤⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣴⣿⣿⣷⠀⠛⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢰⣶⣄⠈ ⣏⣉⣛⣛⣛⣛⣥⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⡝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⠟⠀ ⡇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠈⠁⢀⣼ ⡇⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⣋⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⣾⣿⣿
May 2019

Dickbird with Dickhead and Dicks on his Back

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢉⢉⠉⠉⠻⣿⣿⠛⠛⣤⣤⣤⣤⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠠⡰⣕⣗⣷⣧⣀⣅⠘⠛⠄⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣠⣳⣟⣿⣿⠿⣿⡿⣜⠄⣿⣤⣤⣤⠛⠛⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⣬⣭⠻⢷⣿⣿⣿⣀⡿⣝⠖⠄⣿⣿⠛⣤⣿⠛⠛⣤⣤⣤⣤⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣤⣒⠲⠶⢿⣿⢷⣯⢿⢷⡫⣗⠍⢰⣿⠛⣤⣿⠛⠘⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⢸ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⢄⠤⣁⠋⠿⣗⣟⡯⡏⢎⠁⢸⠄⣿⠛⠛⣤⣿⣤⣤⣤⠛⠛⣤⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢔⢕⣯⣿⣿⡲⡤⡄⡤⠄⡀⢠⡀⡀⣤⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⣤⣤⣤⣤⢸⣿ ⣿⡿⢉⣴⣶⣦⠙⣿⣿⣿⡼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣷⡌⢿⠛⣤⠄⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⢸⣿ ⣿⣷⡘⠿⠟⣛⡁⢻⣿⣿⣿⣷⣝⢿⣿⠻⣿⢮⣭⣥⣄⡹⣤⣤⣤⠛⠛⣤⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⢿⣿⣿⣿⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣟⡶⠶⢾⣭⣽⣗⡈⠻⠛⣤⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡈⣿⣿⣿⣧⣌⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣷⡲⣶⣶⣾⣷⣌⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠗⡈⠻⣿⣿⡿⢛⣶⣤⣍⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠆⠻⠿⣿⣿⡿⠗⣢⣿ ⣿⣿⡏⢼⣿⣷⣶⢋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢀⣠⠄⣠⣶⣶⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣌⠛⠿⠛⠈⠛⠿⠿⠿⢛⠁⢈⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡈⢉⣩⡭⠽⢛⣒⣒⣒⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣉⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
September 2021

NSFW

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