[Copypasta] His name was Norman Reedus

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Hardcare games like Minesweeper

twitchquotes: Kripp we are all very disappointed in you. Playing games because Blizzard will pay you? What are you? A shill now? Remember when you played hardcore games like Hearthstone, Minesweeper, or Diablo 3? Everything changed when you got a girlfriend. I'm starting to wonder if you even drink OJ anymore.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

A man has fallen into depression in Lego city

A man has fallen into depression in Lego city Start taking anti-depressants hey.... (he says lifelessly to his wife and friends) Climb to the top of the lego city bridge and say your goodbyes Prepare to die, lower your expectations, and off the bridge The new suicidal collection from Lego City
December 2020

Lego City

Trump nuclear ramble

Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart —you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—but when you’re a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.
September 2021

Donald Trump

CATTARIAN WAS A SLOW AND DELICIOUS DINNER

twitchquotes: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°) CATTARIAN WAS A SLOW AND DELICIOUS DINNER ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)
twitch chat
August 2015
Kripp

Angry emoji

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡯⠟⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠓⠿⠿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡯⠞⠋⢁⡀⠤⠀⠒⠀⠀⠀⠐⠒⠠⢀⠢⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⠽⠛⠃⣀⠔⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣤⣤⠤⠤⠄⠈⠀⠑⢀⡀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠿⠛⠿⠛⠃⠀⠀⡁⠁⠀⢀⣠⣴⣾⡿⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⢴⠤⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⠟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⡿⢦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣫⠤⠔⠚⠛⠒⠒⠚⠛⠯⠙⠢⡕⠈⠢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣷⡇⠘⡄⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠠⢴⡾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠚⠦⢀⣀⣧⠤⠔⠒⠛⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⡁⢻⣦⡀⠀⠀⠄⣴⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⠁⢀⠤⠒⣉⡥⠴⠖⢛⡯⣍⠉⢉⠤⢤⡀⢀⠬⣍⢉⠿⢿⣦⡀⠈⢻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⠠⣡⢴⡟⠓⠦⡀⣰⠃⠀⠈⠳⠁⠀⠀⠻⠃⠀⠘⠋⠀⠀⠷⠓⡀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣷⣾⠣⡾⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢄⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠆⠘⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⢀⠀⣀⣼⣆⠈⢧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠀⢹⡀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⢠⠤⠐⠶⠂⠐⠒⠈⢹⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠈⢗⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⢇⠀⠀⠀⠀⡷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣌⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⣄⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠈⢆⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⣁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠈⢾⡄⠀⠀⠘⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠈⠇⠀⠀⠀⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠄⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⢰⣠⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠉⢻⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣠⠴⠟⢋⡁⠾⠿⠋⠙⠻⠋⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣀⣀⣠⠏⠀⡸⠀⠀⢸⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢱⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡖⠤⣤⣀⣼⡷⠞⢁⣠⣾⠃⠀⠀⣼⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣗⡇⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⣤⣀⠀⣰⣡⣴⠖⠻⣕⠀⢺⠻⠊⠁⠀⣠⣾⣯⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠘⢧⡴⠛⣆⣠⠖⢄⣀⣞⣉⣲⡾⠵⠚⠋⠉⠐⠈⠀⠉⠛⠓⠀⠀⠒⠒⠿⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡉⠛⠛⠛⢛⣛⣉⣩⣥⡄⠒⠂⠀⠀⠀⠁⠉⠀⢀⣠⣌⣷⣖⣤⣄⣀⠘⠻⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣭⣭⣭⣿⣿⣻⣿⣷⣷⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣵⣆⣬⣘⣻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣭⣛⣿
July 2022
Text-to-Speech Playing