[Copypasta] His name was Norman Reedus

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.
April 2021
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Going face was the correct play

twitchquotes: Breaking News: Popular vegan salt miner kripparian was found dead this morning after both of this meat starved dogs ate his face while he was sleeping. Officials are saying that circumstances lead them to believe that "going face was the correct play". More at 11
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September 2020

salty

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January 2020

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
December 2020

I pretended to be a girl in csgo

twitchquotes: I pretended to be a girl in csgo competitive matchmaking. At first we just played csgo together, but we worked up to more. I even skyped dressed as a sexy woman "with poor connection" so the video would blur. After many seductive photos of my ass in my sisters underwear I convinced him I was the real deal. It took me 3 weeks to become his girlfriend. Eventually I scammed this guy out of $600 because I convinced him I would come visit if he paid for the flight. I was lucky it paid off because i had spent nearly $200 on make up to pull off this con. He also gifted me over 20 games on steam. 11/10 would do again. It was actually a nice weekend when I flew to visit him and didn't even mind sucking cock. We're looking to move in together in October.
twitch chat
September 2017

CSGO

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