[Copypasta] I’ve been wondering if I might be a gay

Recently, I’ve been wondering if I might be a gay. It all started a week ago. I was sitting on the toilet, pooping, when all of a sudden, a big shit turd comes out of my ass. It was huge. Big big. It’s so fucking big, I gotta look down into the toilet to check for blood. No blood, but the turd is fucking massive. I notice something strange about it. The end of the turd, sticking out of the water, looks like a dick head. A penis head. Needless to say, I was concerned. How could this be? I picked it up from the water, and put it back up my ass. To my surprise, it felt good. I then shit it back into the water. Splash. I then repeated this a few more times, moaning out “Oscar Winning actor Anthony Hopkins” each time. I am not sure if I am now gay. My boyfriend says it’s completely normal, but he’s gay, so I can’t trust him.
May 2021
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Dear Kripparian, how dare you

twitchquotes: Dear Kripparian, how dare you... I have dedicated my life to Hearthstone. I am a proud Hearthstoner and so are the rest of your fans. You cannot betray us and start playing a Hearthstone competitor. I can fall asleep to your HS streams because of how casual it is, but this game is too complicated and it keeps me awake. If you betray us we will rise up, you have been warned.
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

Minecraft creeper head

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December 2020

AITA for invading Ukraine?

Using my alt account because of personal reasons. So anyway, I[69M(literally)] am a high government official of a country with a strong military. Anyway, I am clinically diagnosed with Invasiontia[for anyone who doesn't know it's meaning, it basically means my mind forces me to invade countries, very few people are diagnosed with it(like Adolf Hitler), so i guess it makes me quirky uwu], so i really can't be the one to blame. I do what i like, usually, but people often judge me for living my life on my own terms. My distant relative, who has a history of playing fortnite and being antivax, being a furry, pedophile, and being a baby yoda hater called me today and abused me verbally, and told me what i was doing was wrong. I was heartbroken by their words. Not only that, Emily[She/They 13 diagnosed with 255 mental illnesses] made a really mean tweet against me today. She compared me to Hitler (I know Hitler and I have the same mental illness, but it doesn't mean I am as much of an asshole like he is, right?). All this negativity is severely affecting my mental health(i come from a country where mental health isn't given a lot of importance and also my country isn't very supportive of gay people), and i am now contemplating suicide by shooting myself in the head. Everyone thinks i am an asshole, what do you think reddit? AITA?
March 2022

Am I The Asshole?

Russian Ukrainian War

You will never be an anime girl

You will never be an anime girl. You have no ancestry, you have no weebship, you have no skills that would make neon Tokyo ever want you. You are a shut-in self-hating nerdy man twisted by delusions of mythical Katana superiority and exposure to media folded over 3000 times into a disgusting mockery of metalworkings perfection. All 'validation' you get from other people in this position couldn't be worse in making you believe that spending years of your life learning a the globally useless talents of Uwudo and Iya-giri to a 中二 level was a worthwhile 使い方 of お前's time, but one can't expect that an individual as 羞耻 as テメ will ever know the value of the 仲間 you threw away in doing that. Actual Sasukes are すごい キモい by you. Thousands of years of 自然進化 have allowed 侍 to identify 偽物語 from mannerisms and 言語力 alone. Even if your written text of self-hatred and attention begging akin to a 野良犬 somehow passes as normal (しないよ、ど阿呆), any Soul Eater person will immediately 両断 all 迷い when they 聞く the 声 and 広島-ben of someone who is not only a basic 下忍 at best, but worth no more than ゴミカス in skills, accomplishments, and no ワイフ yes フレンド. You will never be 幸せおちゃめ機能。 You wrench out a 偽笑い and www草 to yourself believing that watching a content creator that you understand 20% of at best is somehow superior than watching your own 船長, as you project your disgusting traits onto your 委員長. However, deep inside you feel the 不安 creeping up like a 桜, ready to crush you under the バスト2三一 Zz ガンダム, and you know that. You know that all you do now is have an entirely new リスナー in which to be 無視, and not even the exotic trait of being 海外ニッキ makes up for just how uninteresting of a 無言赤スパ you are. Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold はあちゃま. Your ママ will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable 恥ざらし and ゴミカス死ね. They’ll bury you with a 妖怪 marked with your 領域展開, and every 上弦の鬼 for the rest of eternity will know a 黒船 is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a ギルザレン that is 語り部幽霊. This is your 運命. This is what you chose. There is no turning back. 憎い yourself and 謝れ for being リア充 to some Virtual entity that exists only in your mind while actual people put in effort to learn English for the valid reason of it being the global language.
April 2021

This message legally certifies that I was here

twitchquotes: This message marks my place as a viewer at this moment, and hereby certifies that I "was here" for any and all subsequent significant events in the near future. This message contains no other particular information, and does not imply any endorsement of, nor involvement in, the events which occur. This message is signed by Twitch authentication and dated by chatroom timestamp, and hence is legally binding.
twitch chat
February 2022
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