[Copypasta] Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter?

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter? I’ve never heard that joke before, but it’s so genius! You sir, or madame, or helicopter, are the absolute most hilarious and original person I have ever seen in my entire life. Move over, Jerry Seinfeld. Get lost, Brian Regan. Out of the way, Family Guy Funny Moments Compilation #53. There’s a new funniest man in town. Holy shit, I just can’t get over this joke. I’m giggling and guffawing harder than ever before. You should win an Oscar and an Emmy and a Grammy and a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award. Attack helicopter gender! Wow! So funny! Take that, liberals! Haha. Every night since I was born I have looked up to the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and wondered, “I hope one day I can be as funny as the attack helicopter gender guy.” I will tell my children, and my children’s children, all about the absolute hilarity that went down just now. You just broke the Guinness World Record for funniest and most original jokester on the planet. I’m fucking simultaneously shitting and cumming because this joke is just so funny. Holy shit. That was an amazing joke, my guy. I’m gonna make a subreddit dedicated entirely to this one joke. It’s gonna get thousands of members! History books will forever remember the time you said, “I identify as an attack helicopter.” It’ll go right there in the important quote book, right between Patrick Henry and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I just can’t believe I was here to witness such grandeur. I was here! I think I’m going to make a whole religion based on worshipping you, my glorious and hilarious attack helicopter God. This is just so funny I can’t believe it! Hahahahahahahahahaha! I think I’m going to go to the hospital and fucking die from laughing to hard, but that’s okay! This is even funnier than that guy who said he identified as a toaster! Can you believe it? I never thought that very different joke could be topped, but here we are! Did I mention how funny and original that joke was? Ah, well done, sir, or madame, or helicopter. This is an experience I won’t forget any time soon. Ha. Haha. Ha. Lol. Lmao. Haha. Jajaja. Lmfao. Rofl, rotfl, ha.
June 2021
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Kripp complains

twitchquotes: The opponent mulligans his cards. "Oh my god dude, are you kidding me?" says Kripp. The opponent plays a 2 drop. "Seriously dude? This is crazy." The opponent draws a card at the start of their turn. "No fckin way dude, I can't beat that." The opponent hero powers. "This is some crazy RNG bullshit" says Kripp.
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⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣶⣶⣶⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢠⣾⡟⠁⠄⠈⢻⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⡿⠋⠉⠻⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣷⣄⣀⣠⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⢠⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄ ⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣍⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢛⣩⡍⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢿⠻⠮⠭⠭⠭⢭⣭⣭⣭⣛⣭⣭⠶⠿⠛⣽⢱⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⢱⡀⠄⢰⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾⢇⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄ ⠄⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⢛⣭⣥⣭⣤⣼⣿⡇⠤⠤⠤⣤⣤⣤⡤⢞⣥⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣛⣛⠃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢇⡙⠻⢿⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⢟⣛⠃⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣼⣿⣿⣶⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣴⣾⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄ ⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣷⣜⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣀⡛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄ ⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣭⣙⣛⣛⣩⣭⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀
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which way would you move?

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YAYO was first found in America in the year 1070

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I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
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