I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Imaqtpie has mastered Kog'Maw's passive
twitchquotes:
Hi Imaqtpie, this is David 'Repertoir' Capurro, the lead designer on Kog'Maw back in 2010. Watching you play my champion really warms my heart, and I think you're one of the good guys. You've even mastered his passive!
twitch chat
imaqtpie
League of Legends
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
twitchquotes:
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. Thereβs just not mushroom for Italian chefs in todayβs world. Want to know what the rough parts of Italy are called? The spaghetto. Donβt call yourself Italian if you werenβt baptized in marinara sauce. You are literally too stupid to insult.
twitch chat
π HELLO CHIPS? π THE SPAWN HERE
twitchquotes:
π 
HELLO CHIPS? π THE SPAWN HERE π YOU HAVEN'T DIED IN 10 SECONDS....YOU'RE OVERDUE
HELLO CHIPS? π THE SPAWN HERE π YOU HAVEN'T DIED IN 10 SECONDS....YOU'RE OVERDUE
twitch chat
OverwatchLeague
Overwatch
nature has molded females to become a holy being
nature has molded females to become a holy being. they must be worshipped at all costs. since they lack the barbaric y chromosome and testosterone, they are unaggressive and thus good people. they are prophets, they are guides. questioning them is foolish and expecting π¦ for free is blasphemy. i will protect women at all costs and sacrifice everything for them because even their motherhood is a natural wonder. simping is a way of life. it is worship. would you make fun of a muslim for praying? then don't make fun of me either
Simps
Valiant calls Shanghai
twitchquotes:
HELLO SHANGHAI π IT'S THE VALIANT π WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE π
IT'S THE VALIANT π WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE π
twitch chat
OverwatchLeague