[Copypasta] I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times.

I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Stack 4 cans

Check out these 4 cans dude PogChamp / DrinkPurple So neatly stacked Check out these 4 cans PogChamp / DrinkPurple So neatly stacked Check out these 4 cans PogChamp / DrinkPurple So neatly stacked Check out these 4 cans PogChamp / DrinkPurple
twitch chat
August 2016

Dong Pegachino with the Dongerinos

twitchquotes: ΰΌΌ β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β–€ΜΏ ΜΏ ΰΌ½ Hello Kripp, my name is Dong Pegachino with the Dongerinos. ΰΌΌ β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β–€ΜΏ ΜΏ ΰΌ½ We're gonna need some "Insurance money" or we're gonna break off your legs and cut off your dongerino. Pls no copy pasterino my frappuchino
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Master Yi is broken

Not likely. I bet you probably go 0/6 against him and come to Reddit afterwards to complain about him so you can feel better about losing. I'm 100% convinced that the same people who like to joke about a Master Yi's "thought process" are the same people who whine about Aatrox and Katarina because they haven't got a clue what grievous wounds is. Every champion has a counter, if you don't understand Master Yi's counter (jungle invading, timing abilities, proper itemization), then why do you bother to circlejerk the "Master Yi is broken" stereotype?
March 2021

League of Legends

Ben Shapiro goes to the movie theatre

let's say, hypothetically, that i went to the movie theater, and the movie i was watching happened to be three hours long. for the sake of the argument, i am about halfway through watching the movie, and i have to go to the bathroom. based on what's happening on screen, i can determine that an important scene is coming up, and that i need to see it if i want to understand the plot. what's stopping me from pissing in the drink cup they gave me for my dr. pepper? if i can do it quietly enough, no one is going to be able to notice what i'm doing, and, in my honest opinion, pissing in the drink cup is a much better alternative to using the bathroom, since i would've missed an important plot point had i chosen to do so. lastly, no one would have to clean it up afterwards, since it's all contained within the drink cup, which is meant to be disposed of after the movie anyways, and, as a result, will not affect the theater staff in any way whatsoever.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

DansGame

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘ β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–“ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–ˆβ–“β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–„β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–€β–“β–€β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–„β–„β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–’β–‘
November 2014
Text-to-Speech Playing