I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
I've been unvaccinated for 9 months now
I've been unvaccinated for 9 months now, moving from place to place, keeping ahead of the vaxmaxers, never staying anywhere too long, never letting my face become known. "It's great being vaxmaxed isn't it" the shopkeep says vacantly, to nobody in particular. In keeping with the act I reply to the Heinz Baked Beans Substitute 6 Pack (No Plastic) in my hand, something unrelated, with what I hope is a slightly bemused tone. It takes a lot longer to do my shopping these days, I can't simply march through the shop in an orderly fashion, taking what I need in a single trip, I have to absent mindedly shuffle back and forward between the aisles, never really displaying any intent. As unpresent as they are, the vaxmaxed would notice if I was too focused, too alert. A loud smashing sound in the distance almost blows my cover, I notice, and focus on the sound. The vaxmaxed around me slowly aim their distant gaze on me, but I'm able to save myself, I continue my neck jerk and turn it in to a series of spasms, I drop to the floor convulsing, the vaxmaxed around me quickly lose interest and continue on with their day. "That means it's working" one elderly lady comments to her milk as she passes. I continue the charade long enough to filter out most of the vaxmaxed sharing the aisle. It takes a while, and no insubstantial amount of sweat on my part, but I make it to the checkout. A morbidly obese woman directs the horde at the tills, seemingly oblivious to the cacophony of aberrant scan noises and blinking red lights above the entirely self service super checkout. I wait dutifully, not wanting to be noticed, not wanting to be set upon by the Asda Security Vax Checker team, it had taken all my best bluffing to get past them at the door, I almost chuckled when they believed my vax card was in the post but it was quickly stifled, a chuckled would have given me away, a chuckle would have seen me held down and injected with science juice.
COVID
Coronavirus
LULW crying
⠙⠋⠉⠉⠉⠈⠉⠉⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿
⠀⢀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣤⣄⣀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣠⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⠀⠹⣿
⣷⠿⠛⠋⠉⠛⠛⠋⠉⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠁⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⣷⣶⣿
⣧⡤⠄⠀⣀⣀⣤⣬⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⠛⠲⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣋⣴⡶⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢰⣦⣙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⢀⣤⣴⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣍⡉⠿⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣯⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣬⣭⣭⣥⣤⣩⣍⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⠟⠛⠋⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠛⢿⠿⣿
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⡉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣸
I’m hoping Seraphine DIES xD
twitchquotes:
I’m hoping Seraphine DIES xD I’m a Seraphine HATER because she’s so cute and EVIL! People get so trolled by her beat drop and her voice lines are SATANIC, like the one about high school! She’s super DEGENERATE but also smarter than she looks, just like SATAN as a kid XD
twitch chat
League of Legends
POLICE VOLIBEAR
twitchquotes:
HELLO RIOT? ☎️ MAE HERE ☎️ POLICE VOLIBEAR SELECTED ☎️ IM TRIGGERED ☎️
HELLO RIOT? ☎️ MAE HERE ☎️ POLICE VOLIBEAR SELECTED ☎️ IM TRIGGERED ☎️
twitch chat
League of Legends
Are you going to pay for another pizza?
twitchquotes:
Hey Kripp! So here I was enjoying my favorite food (pizza) and watching your stream having a good time when it started to taste extra salty. It turns out you were being super salty and now have ruined my pizza. Are you going to pay for another pizza or will I have to call the cops? This is serious.
twitch chat
Kripp