I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
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More Copypastas
Biden's America
The year is 2021. You look at the television. SIlver fox President Biden announces a vaccine mandate for employees. You clutch your limited edition Trump Funko Pop. It has begun. You gather up all your belongings, and jump into your truck, hitting the highway for the airport. Out of your rearview mirror you can make out a sleek black Prius pursuing you. You make out the numbers “1” “9” “8” and 4” on their license plate. You are able to lose the Prius and arrive at the airport. You are almost free. At airport security You see a young man being dragged away screaming. The guards yell something about him having more than 3.4 oz of liquid. Thankfully you only have an AR 15 on you. The guard inspects it.
“It’s for hunting,” you say.
They hand it back to you and wave for you to move along. You breathe a sigh of relief.
“One more thing.”
You turn to see a Guard staring down at you with their beady soulless eyes.
“I need to see your vaccination card”
It is too late. You try to run away, but you feel someone press a cloth against your face. Reality fades away. You wake up in some kind of lab, chained down to an operation table and gagged. The room is undecorated except for a single poster of Harry Styles in a dress on the wall. A single figure stands in the corner shrouded in shadow, fiddling with a syringe. As they step out of the shadow, you can make out their face, the roguishly handsome Gavin Newsom. He positions a large surgical headlight above you and turns it on. He holds up the large syringe to the light and chuckles, staring into your pleading eyes.
“Don't worry, it will all be over soon”
He removes his mask to reveal his serpent's tongue, flickering in amusement. He plunges the syringe straight through your “socialism is for figs” shirt into your arm.
“Nighty night”
Your world fades to black once more.
Joe Biden
Politics
YOINK
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⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⢀⡴⠋⠀⢀⣠⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⣰⠏⠀⣠⠞⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⡟⠛⢿⣿⡿⠛⣿⡿⠟⠛⠻⢿⣿⡿⠛⢿⣿⠛⠛⣿⣿⠛⢿⣿⠟⢻⣿⡿⠛⢻
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⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⠀⢸⣧⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⢠⣷⡀⠸⣿⣿
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Pole Dancer Navy Seal Copypasta
What the *** did you just *** say about me, you little ***? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Pole Dancers, and I’ve been involved in numerous strips, and I have over 300 confirmed handstands. I am trained in pole warfare and I’m the top Ashley in the entire US strip forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the *** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my *** hearthstone chat. You think you can get away with saying that *** to me over the Internet? Think again, fuckers.
Navy Seal
regarding your status as a zoomer
twitchquotes:
Hey dear Michael Santana, we’re reaching to you regarding your status as a zoomer. We might feel threatened by your recent choice of facial hair style, remember to stay within a zoomer’s spectrum.
twitch chat
imaqtpie
Popeye
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