[Copypasta] I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times.

I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
August 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade (Portal)

When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
May 2021

your streams lately have really helped me

twitchquotes: hey [streamer], your streams lately have really helped me with my depression, bleakness, dejection, distress, sorrow, my car trouble, my 401k, my grades, my slimp dick, my underperforming AMD driver, the armenian genocide, the galloping campaign, the war in the vietnamese, oh god they are in the trees, the battle of antietam, the housing crisis of 2008, the bankruptcy of greece in 2015, the explosion of chernobyl, my late grandma denise
twitch chat
December 2020

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked...

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to-penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out
March 2017

Classic

First of all, I'm sick of the term "Weeb"

twitchquotes: First of all, I'm sick of the term "Weeb". I didn't study half a semester of Japanese history and do a google maps tour of Tokyo so that some uncultured swine would walk around calling me a weeb like its an insult. Japanese culture is my life, not some sort of past time you idiots. And yes, I will be visiting Japan for the first time next year when air travel costs go down.
twitch chat
June 2019

Weebs

Team Solo Mid

โ–’โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œ โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œ โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘ โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘ โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘ โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–Œโ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
January 2015

League of Legends

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