[Copypasta] Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter WEE WOO WEE WOO ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER! steps on stage Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!" Comedy God: "Heh..." adjusts fedora the building is filled with fear and anticipation God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense comedy god clears throat everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard world leaders look and wait with dread everything in the world stops nothing is happening comedy god smirks no one is prepared for what is going to happen comedy god musters all of this power he bellows out to the world "ATTACK" absolute suspense everyone is filled with overwhelming dread "HELICOPTER" all at once, absolute pandemonium commences all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once giant brawls start 43 wars are declared simultaneously a shockwave travels around the earth earth is driven into chaos humanity is regressed back to the stone age the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did people who aren't killed die from laughter literally the funniest joke in the world then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
August 2021

Classic

(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Traveled the entire galaxy trying to find out who asked

β €β €β €β €β €β €.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€οΎŸ .γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€βœ¦ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€,γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. .γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. γ€€γ€€βœ¦β €γ€€β€‚β€‚β€‚γ€€γ€€γ€€,γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ β €γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β €γ€€γ€€, β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€γ€€β €γ€€γ€€γ€€β €.γ€€ Λšγ€€γ€€γ€€β €γ€€β €β€‚β€‚γ€€γ€€,γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. . β €γ€€γ€€β €β€‚β€‚γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β €βœ¦β €γ€€ . .γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€β € . Λšγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€οΎŸγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. .⠀  ⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀, *γ€€γ€€β €. .γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β €βœ¦ Λšγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ .β €γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. βœ¦β €γ€€β€‚β€‚β€‚γ€€γ€€γ€€,γ€€γ€€β€ˆβ€Šβ€Šβ€Š β €γ€€γ€€ .γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€γ€€β €γ€€γ€€γ€€. Λšγ€€γ€€γ€€β €γ€€β €β€‚β€‚γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€, .γ€€γ€€γ€€ β €β€ˆγ€€γ€€β€‚β€‚β€‚β€‚γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. Traveled the entire galaxy trying to find out who askedβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β €β €β €βœ¦ β € β €γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β €β €β €β €β €* β €β €β €.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €βœ¦β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β € β €β €β €β €β €β €.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€οΎŸ .γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.
January 2021

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Who Asked?

Born perfectly to explore dank memes

twitchquotes: Born too late to explore the Earth, born too early to explore the universe, born perfectly to explore dank memes β—• ͜ Κ– Ν‘ Ν‘β—•
twitch chat
January 2015

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Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Bermuda," I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
January 2021

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Your deck is insane, Trump said

twitchquotes: "Your deck is insane." Trump said, as he slipped his feminine hand into Kripp's pants and smirked. "Are you trying to top-deck me?" protests Kripp, as Trump blushes, the boyish figure undressed before Kripp. "Weak tempo play, Trump." The two kissed, deeply and passionately, and afterwards Trump places his Leper Gnome into Kripp's Twisting Nether.
twitch chat
April 2016
Kripp

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Hearthstone

KappaPride

Greggnog

First off: I am not joking. I wish I was joking. I've been with my wonderful boyfriend Greg for over 4 years now, and this Christmas was our third spent together. He's so much fun to be around, handsome, charming, and our sex life is great. Except for one small problem. Every year now starting in December he starts referring to his cum as "Greggnog." When I first heard him say this, it was in the context of a joke, so I laughed, and then I forgot about it. A few days after this, we're exchanging some spicy texts before he gets home from work he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face." I could not believe he just said that to me, but I didn't know what else to do at the time but go along with it. Fast forward to this December. This phrase re-enters his vocabulary at the same time every year. It makes me cringe beyond belief, but until this year he used it sparingly enough for me to just be able to laugh and say "shut the fuck up." I'm sure that 2020 has done at least some irreparable psychic damage to all people, but unfortunately, for my boyfriend, this has manifested in the form of him referring to his cum as "Greggnog" non-stop. This month he has been using the term almost exclusively, in all contexts, and it is driving me batshit insane. I sat him down to talk last week, and I asked him very clearly and directly to stop. At the time, he said he would, and it did slow down for a few days, but it is now four days after Christmas and he's back at it again with no end in sight. He absolutely means the world to me, and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I have serious doubts now whether or not I can if every Christmas is going to be like this. So please, reddit, what do I do to make this stop for good?
December 2020

Classic

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