[Copypasta] Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter WEE WOO WEE WOO ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER! steps on stage Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!" Comedy God: "Heh..." adjusts fedora the building is filled with fear and anticipation God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense comedy god clears throat everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard world leaders look and wait with dread everything in the world stops nothing is happening comedy god smirks no one is prepared for what is going to happen comedy god musters all of this power he bellows out to the world "ATTACK" absolute suspense everyone is filled with overwhelming dread "HELICOPTER" all at once, absolute pandemonium commences all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once giant brawls start 43 wars are declared simultaneously a shockwave travels around the earth earth is driven into chaos humanity is regressed back to the stone age the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did people who aren't killed die from laughter literally the funniest joke in the world then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
August 2021

Classic

What happened to this ad? :(
More Classic Copypastas

Dicks are so cute omg

twitchquotes: Dicks are so cute omg(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) when you hold one in your hand and it starts twitching its like its nuzzling you(/ω\) or when they perk up and look at you like" owo nya? :3c" hehe ~ penis-kun is happy to see me!!(^ワ^)
twitch chat
March 2018

Classic

Among Us is ruining my fucking life

I can't fucking take it any more. Among Us has singlehandedly ruined my life. The other day my teacher was teaching us Greek Mythology and he mentioned a pegasus and I immediately thought 'Pegasus? more like Mega Sus!!!!' and I've never wanted to kms more. I can't look at a vent without breaking down and fucking crying. I can't eat pasta without thinking 'IMPASTA??? THATS PRETTY SUS!!!!' Skit 4 by Kanye West. The lyrics ruined me. A Mongoose, or the 25th island of greece. The scientific name for pig. I can't fucking take it anymore. Please fucking end my suffering.
August 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

That's some good shit right there

twitchquotes: šŸ‘ŒšŸ‘€šŸ‘ŒšŸ‘€šŸ‘ŒšŸ‘€šŸ‘ŒšŸ‘€šŸ‘ŒšŸ‘€ good shit go౦ԁ sHitšŸ‘Œ thats āœ” some goodšŸ‘ŒšŸ‘Œshit rightšŸ‘ŒšŸ‘Œth šŸ‘Œ erešŸ‘ŒšŸ‘ŒšŸ‘Œ rightāœ”there āœ”āœ”if i do ƽaŅÆ so my self šŸ’Æ i say so šŸ’Æ thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: Ź³į¶¦įµŹ°įµ— ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMįŽ·ŠœšŸ’Æ šŸ‘ŒšŸ‘Œ šŸ‘ŒŠO0Šžą¬ ļ¼ÆOOOOŠžą¬ ą¬ Ooooįµ’įµ’įµ’įµ’įµ’įµ’įµ’įµ’įµ’šŸ‘Œ šŸ‘ŒšŸ‘Œ šŸ‘Œ šŸ’Æ šŸ‘Œ šŸ‘€ šŸ‘€ šŸ‘€ šŸ‘ŒšŸ‘ŒGood shit
twitch chat
September 2015

Emoji Pasta

Classic

Albert Einstein watches Rick and Morty

twitchquotes: My teacher said to my I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything. I scoffed at him. Shocked, my teacher asked what's so funny, my future is on the line. "Well...you see professor" I say as the teacher prepares to laugh at my answer, rebuttal at hand. "I watch Rick and Morty." The class is shocked, they merely watch pleb shows like the big bang theory to feign intelligence, not grasping the humor. "...how? I can't even understand it's sheer nuance and subtlety." "Well you see...WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!" One line student laughs in the back, I turn to see a who this fellow genius is. It's none other than Albert Einstein.
twitch chat
September 2017

Classic

Rick and Morty

Vegan Propaganda

twitchquotes: KKona Howdy Kripp, my name is Bill and I work in the meat industry. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of all the vegan propaganda you're spreading on this here livestream. You rave about the health benefits of becoming a leaf-muncher, but look at you! You're a pale, scrawny, hallowed-out husk of a man. Hell, you probably can't even lift up a hamburger with those pitiful arms of yours. If you don't stop hating on meat, I'm gonna come by in my truck and force-feed you my "giant sausage!"
twitch chat
July 2016
Kripp

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing