[Copypasta] I just shit and cum FAQ (Reddit)

I just shit and cum. # FAQ ## What does this mean? The amount of shit (and cum) on my computer and floor has increased by one. ## Why did you do this? There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of feces or ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to: * Being gay * Dank copypasta bro, where'd you find it * walter ## Am I going to shit and cum too? No - not yet. But you should refrain from shitposting and cumposting like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to shit and cum again, which may put your shitting and cumming privileges in jeopardy. ## I don't believe my comment deserved being shit and cum at. Can you un-cum it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put shit back into my butt. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to retaliatory ejaculation within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of semen dies before it can fertilize the egg, and yours is likely no exception. ## How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the goopy brown and white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated in my mom's basement. I will continue to shit and cum until you improve your conduct. Remember: ejaculation is privilege, not a right.
November 2021
Formatted in markdown for Reddit comments
What happened to this ad? :(
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Imaqtpie was excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church

twitchquotes: qtpie i know things are hard now with being excommunicated from the roman catholic church and all but listen to me. You're going to be okay and make it through this friend. good luck and god.... nvm just bless you...
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

I am a concerned mother with a 13 year old child (among us)

I am a concerned mother with a 13 year old child and I am here to seek help regarding my son. Last week when we went to the supermarket, my son pointed to a red trash can and started jumping around screaming β€œTHAT’S AMONG US! THAT TRASH CAN IS SUS! RED IS THE IMPOSTOR!” As soon as he did that, the manager told us to leave. I told him that my son is just excited about something, and apologised. But the manager still told us to leave so I picked up the red trash can that my son was going crazy over and threw it on the managers head. Then my son shouted β€œDEAD BODY REPORTED.” Can someone please tell me what on earth is wrong with him?
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

NaM emote

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–‘β–ˆβ–„ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–“β–“β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–„β–„β–’β–“β–„β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–’β–’β–ˆβ–€β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–„β–‘β–€β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–’β–“β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–‘β–’β–’β–„β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–„β–’β–“β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–‘β–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–“β–‘β–€β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
ascii art
October 2018

Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith

twitchquotes: The year is 20XX. Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith. No longer are matches decided through complex inputs and tactics. It began when some questioned the idea of matchups against characters. The community realized that gameplay no longer mattered, and only the character. Tournaments became complex games of rock-paper-scissors, and eventually another epiphany was had. Why bother with deciding afterwards and wasting time when the match could be decided before it began? Thus, referees decided who won and who lost automatically using a combination of facial recognition AI, mandatory reflex tests, and standardized quizzes and tests on military tactics and stratagem. With time, tests weren't even needed. Judges became so acute at deciding who won and who lost that tournaments happened in seconds, and results uploaded in less. The final destination was reached. Babies were bred and engineered to become the most desirable "players", if one could call it that. Soon, humanity ceased to think, and became mindless slaves to the autonomous ones and zeroes that decided their worth, ironically becoming the machines they once played with.
twitch chat
May 2020

Super Smash Bros

The year is 2035, you buy g fuel with doge coin

The year is 2035, you enter your local 7/11 to buy yourself a g fuel before your shift in the local crypto mine. The android working the counter says they only accept doge coin. You pull out your phone, draw a stick man in less than five seconds on a yellow back ground and then sell it as an NFT. From the sell you make 6 doge coin, about 5 million dollars in old world money. You go to buy the drink only to find out that from the time you closed your phone to the time you talked to the cashier the coins had dropped in value to only 3 dollars per coin and you now owe at least 10 doge coin to the robot for the gamer fuel. You leave the store, frustrated, and drive off in your Tesla
December 2021

Cryptocurrency

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