[Copypasta] Wife wants to leave me because of an NFT diamond ring

My wife loves new technology and is into cryptocurrency and so I thought it would be thoughtful to buy her a diamond ring as a NFT. I spent about 3 ETH which is like $12000 CAD. So when she got home from work I told her I had a surprise for her. I put a blindfold on my wife and guided her into our room where our computer is set up. Soon as she opened her eyes and saw what it was, she absolutely exploded with rage saying I was an asshole and was only thinking about myself. She then accused me of spending money on stupid thing and said she’s going to go find a boyfriend. I don’t know what to do in this situation. I was only thinking about HER interests and how happy she would be to receive this new technology. Plus the price of her ring will only appreciate. Stupid real diamonds only depreciate. We have now signed up for NFT relationship counselling. I have been seeking relationship advice but everyone says to buy her NFT flowers or NFT chocolates. And when I did that, that was the last straw. Wife sent me divorce papers and I converted it into NFT. I know in the long run when all these NFT’s moon. She will come crawling back.
February 2022
https://www.reddit.com/r/CryptoCurrency/comments/smpah0/wife_wants_to_leave_me/
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Infinite poop

twitchquotes: Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
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June 2019

Classic

Morpheus

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CNN reports on Reynad in Twitch Chat

twitchquotes: ༼;´ ༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ ༽ Attention twitch chat. CNN is reporting popular Hearthstone streamer Andrey "REYNAD" Yanyuk attempted to hang himself after a disappointing weekend of tournaments. Luckily he ran out of rope before he could finish the cowardly act. ༼;´ ༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ ༽
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twitchquotes: Micheal, in this brand new season full of unexpected challenges and adventures in the world that is solo q, what can I / We / YOUR VIEWERS use in order to maximise our game knowledge and as a result increase our chance of getting higher ranks, I need a hyper improvement platform man, hit me up!
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League of Legends

Redditor Soy Wojak

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠤⠤⠄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠒⠒⠒⠤⠤⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⢀⠔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢢⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⡎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢡⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡎⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣸⠤⠤⠤⢤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠤⠒⠊⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠲⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠒⠒⠒⠒⠀⠐⠂⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠀⠤⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⣒⣈⣁⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⣉⡉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠐⠋⠀⠀⠀⠈⢡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠘⠉⠀⠈⠑⠦⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣤⠴⠖⠒⠶⠤⠤⠴⠶⠶⠥⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣃⡤⠤⠴⠖⠒⠒⠶⠤⠤⣴⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⡿⠉⠁⠈⣿⠀⣤⣤⣴⣶⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠤⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠔⠋⠀⠀⢹⡇⠀⠀⠈⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⡇⠀⠀⠀⢻⠀⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⢠⡇⡇⠀⠀⠈⠣⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢻⣄⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⠶⠃⠀⠀⠀⠈⠧⠤⠤⠤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣸⠃⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢣⡀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠖⠚⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠲⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⣀⠞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠒⠤⠤⢼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠧⣠⡤⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢤⣤⠼⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢱⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢹⠕⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠋⣀⣾⠋⢸⡇⠙⡿⠶⡶⢦⡄⠙⠒⠤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⣇⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠬⣽⢂⡥⠀⠀⢠⠞⠁⠀⣾⡏⢸⣀⣸⣇⣀⡇⠀⣧⢸⢹⣦⡀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⢄⣻⣫⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠜⣿⣨⠃⠀⠈⡇⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣾⣿⣿⡇⢰⠃⢰⠀⡉⢡⡋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢸⣇⢌⠀⡆⠈⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠘⢠⠏⠀⠳⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⢿⣅⠊⢸⡀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⣸⠐⠲⢬⣿⡅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⡤⠖⠒⡟⠑⢯⠉⠉⣇⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⢀⡇⢐⣗⣟⠨⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣠⠤⠖⠋⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⢇⠀⢜⣏⠉⢹⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⢸⣀⢰⡿⠀⠀⣿⠉⠒⠦⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢢⣢⠩⣮⢸⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⢸⢤⡿⠚⡠⢂⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠳⢤⣀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⡱⣹⣾⠀⠀⠀⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⢸⣞⠵⠪⡠⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠲ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢎⣿⡆⢀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠈⢀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⡁⢂⠀⡀⠤⢀⢰⠀⡄⡁⡀⢄⢀⠀⡶⣾⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠒⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⢶⡃⣄⠆⡀⢋⢸⢰⠰⢀⠸⢀⣓⣇⣹⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢸⢻⠪⣧⣘⣼⣼⣔⣣⣈⣴⡟⡻⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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September 2021

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