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Athens Police arrests two Twitch streamers

twitchquotes: Today Athens Police arrested two men, famous on the internet site Twitch. This "Trump" and "Kripp" were having sex in public, over what seemed to be the dead body of a cat that was backstabbed. Both men referred to the dead cat as "Caterrian". Their one phone call was made to the leading salt exporter "Reynad". More news at 10
twitch chat
May 2015
Reynad

Dongerino goes all bongerino didgeridoo over my keyboard

twitchquotes: When Kripp gives me the stare, my dongerino goes all bongerino didgeridoo over my keyboard.
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Head automatically goes to pillow

twitchquotes: When Heroes of Storm, my head automatically goes to the pillow. I watch him spam 2 skills with no graphics and I feel I have sex with the pillow. All becoming SLEEP
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

without throwing your cat across the room

twitchquotes: Hello this is Twitch staff. Unfortunately we have been notified that you have now reached 24 hours of stream time without throwing your cat across the room. As stated in our TOS, we require that all streamers must throw at least one pet a distance of 3 metres on camera in order to maintain the ability to stream. Failure to do so will result in your stream being disabled permanently. We will now unfortunately have to terminate your account. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
November 2019

Rania came to the wrong dongerhood

twitchquotes: ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ YOU CAME TO THE WRONG DONGERHOOD, RANIA ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

I am Admiral Akbar, commander of the Somalian Piraterinos

twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

OGN's mods

twitchquotes: Hᴇʟʟᴏ OGN, ᴛʜɪs ɪs Hɪᴛʟᴇʀ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ғʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴀᴠᴇ. I ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏᴅs ᴅᴏ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴊᴏʙ ᴏғ ᴄᴀʀʀʏɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ʙᴇʟɪᴇғs.
twitch chat
March 2014
OGN Hearthstone

Alone in his heart, Reynard commits saltdoku

twitchquotes: "Tides my player," say the Reynardino, "you are my slaverrino, why don't you make videos?" But the Tides don't respond. He elopes to C9 and runs his hand through his unshaven face scruff and say "Well met!" to the twisted Kolento. Alone in his heart, Reynard commits saltdoku at a Saltbucks in San Bernardino with Al Pacino, no cappucino.
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

YOU HAVE BEEN VISITED BY THE SPOOKY SKELETON

twitchquotes: YOU HAVE BEEN VISITED BY THE SPOOKY SKELETON, REPOST THIS 3 TIMES IN THE NEXT 2 SECONDS OR YOU WILL BE VISITED BY A SPOOKY SKELETON TONIGHT! 95% OF PEOPLE WILL NOT POST THIS….. AND THEY WILL BECOME SKELETON…..
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

RNG in Cardstone is considered illegal gambling

twitchquotes: Dear Reynad, I am a representative of Twitch tv. I am sad to inform you that due to the random aspects of the RNG associated with soulfire's discard process this can be considered illegal gambling and you are going to be forced to stop these games immediately. Much love, Twitch tv admins. please no copypasterino al pacino greasy guido
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad
I used to be a real ad

Ahoy matey, I bring ye much love

twitchquotes: (◕‿X✿) Ahoy matey, I bring ye much love. Y'arr be beautiful inside and out, and ye best know that ye matter so much and everythin' ya do plunders my booty in an amazin' way YARHARHAR. (◕‿X✿)
twitch chat
May 2019

Can you stack these cans

twitchquotes: DrinkPurple hey matey can you stack this can jus likeme :) DrinkPurple try like me! try like me! heres another can. : ) DrinkPurple try like me to stack this cans can you can you ?? :) DrinkPurple stack 4 or 5 whether you ask me or not. EZ for ME
twitch chat
March 2019

Is Reynad a girly man? Is he Edward from Twilight?

twitchquotes: This guy drinks cider and claims to get drunk off them? Is he a girly man? Is he a gay man? Is he edward from twilight?
twitch chat
April 2014
Reynad

The Moon isn't so great?

twitchquotes: The Moon isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw an astronomical object with such an ability and movement within the celestial plane? The Moon puts the eclipse game to another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see a planet with its skill and passion for moving in front of things again. The Sun breaks records. Earth breaks records. The Moon breaks the rules. You can keep your statistics. I prefer the magic.
twitch chat
June 2019

"Unsponsored Hero Academy 2™ Stream

twitchquotes: It is the 2018 Oscars and Tom Hanks stands at the podium to announce Best Actor. “Boy,” he says, “we got a real competition this year! Johnny Depp, Leo DiCaprio, George Clooney, anyone could win!” The world holds its breath to see who will win the most prestigious acting award in the world. “Wow!” says Hanks. “I don’t believe it! The winner is Kripparrian in his ‘Unsponsored’ Hero Academy 2™ Stream!”
twitch chat
March 2018
What happened to this ad? :(

Do not call your significant other honey

Do 👏 not 👏 call 👏 your 👏 significant 👏 other 👏 honey 👏 unless 👏 you 👏 are 👏 a 👏 bee 👏 you 👏 are 👏 appropriating 👏 bee 👏 culture, 👏 this 👏 cannot 👏 bee 👏 accepted 👏
October 2021

Papparrian is disappointed in Kripparrian

twitchquotes: Kripp, this is Papparrian. WHAT THE FUCK? Why are you playing a MOBA? I remember when you were a young boy and you wouldn't dare touch that shit. I'm dissapointed in you son. Rip in pepperonis
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

OOOOAAAAHH

twitchquotes: ᕙ( ^ₒ^ c) 〇〇〇〇ᗩᗩᗩᗩᕼᕼ ᕙ( ^ₒ^ c)
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021
What happened to this ad? :(

The emergency surgery of Sandeep was a critical failure

twitchquotes: BREAKING NEWS:Tʜᴇ ᴇᴍᴇʀɢᴇɴᴄʏ sᴜʀɢᴇʀʏ ᴏғ Sᴀɴᴅᴇᴇᴘ ᴡᴀs ᴀ ᴄʀɪᴛɪᴄᴀʟ ғᴀɪʟᴜʀᴇ! Exᴘᴇʀᴛs ᴀʀᴇ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ʟᴏᴄᴀʟs ᴛᴏ ᴇᴠᴀᴄᴜᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʀᴇᴀ ᴀs ᴀ sᴛᴏʀᴍ ᴏғ ᴀɴᴀʟ-sᴇᴡᴀɢᴇ ɪs ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴇʀᴜᴘᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴄᴛᴜᴍ ᴏғ Sᴀɴᴅᴇᴇᴘ!
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing