Popular Copypastas

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.

Please God, I want to impregnate Belle Delphine so bad. I want her to bear my children with those beautiful child-bearing hips. That beautiful, radiant angel. Like a goddess, having come down to Earth to cleanse us of our sins. Belle Delphine is beyond divine. I can't help but drop to my knees in worship whenever I see her beautiful figure even though it's behind that unnecessary gym clothes. I yearn for her in a way both Primal and spiritual. I would commit more war crimes than every president in United States history just to lick the sweet, glistening sweat from her smooth, creamy skin. I want to listen to her moans as my manhood throbs within her, I want to hear her heart race as our bodies become one and our souls irreversibly intertwine in the holy sin of carnal union. I want to suckle at her motherly bosom, slurping that rich juche milk from her teat as she gently strokes my raging erection. I would stir her velvety cream into my coffee and let my balls boil in it. Her cries of pleasure and the rocking of our bed would be louder than the cacophony of ten thousand drone strikes. I would make love to her until my body gave out, and then some. I would let her break my rib cage with any part of her body. I would let her hit me with her car just to be near her for a brief moment. She's so perfect it hurts. Every moment without her I suffer a pain worse than breaking every bone in my body simultaneously while drowning and also having shards of glass coated in hot sauce forced through every orifice of my body. I want her, I need her. I want to desecrate her crisp general suit. I want to start a family with her and retire after our twenty seven children have grown up and moved out. I want to see those luscious lips speak such filthy, perverse words into my ear while she slides ice cubes down my gaping pisshole. I want to fuck her like she owes me money. I would let her step on me, just to feel the soft, firm warmth of her feet upon my face and groin area. I would sleep under her just to catch her drool in my mouth. I would fish the strands of hair from her shower drain just to smell her alluring scent, and braid them into necklaces to keep her with me always. Or cock rings. Whichever would please her more. God please, I would do anything for her. I would relinquish my life, all my hopes and dreams, just to become the socks on her feet so that I may warm her mouthwatering toes with my very being, so that she may feel the heat of my love always. I would encase myself in cement and become her doorstep, so that she may wipe her heels upon my face. I would tear my own limbs off. I don't know what l'd do after that, or why she might want my limbs. But I would do it. My queen, my goddess, the light of my life. Please God, let me have her. I want her to be mine and only mine. I would lick the Doritos dust from her fingers and fill her belly button with honey mustard to dip my tendies in. I would give her a sponge-bath with my tongue every morning and serve her breakfast in bed. I would let her eat her eggs and pancakes off my body if it pleased her, no matter how painful the third-degree burns would be. I would bear the torment of eternal damnation until the end of time to taste the seat of her car but once. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her, nothing wouldn't say. I would beat my own friend to death with my engorged penis if it would bring a smile to Belle Delphine’s shining face. I wouldn't even let myself Cum until she gave me permission. I love you, Belle Delphine. Please. Be mine. Be my wife, my Lover, my mommy, my everything. Say yes. Answer my calls, respond to my letters. Something. Give me a sign, Belle. I'm waiting for you. I’ll always be waiting for you.

It's 4️⃣2️⃣0️⃣ today 😳😱but I'm not smoking weed 🌿🍁😴😏🚬 I'm smoking 💨😜 the Bible 😇😋🙏📕 because heaven ⬆️😍👐😂 is the highest you can get 🙌😤

Air, stone, granite, polished granite, diorite, polished diorite, andesite, polished andesite, grass, grass path, mycelium, dirt, coarse dirt, podzol, cobblestone, mossy cobblestone, oak wood, spruce wood, birch wood, jungle wood, acacia wood, dark oak wood, oak planks, spruce planks, birch planks, jungle planks, acacia planks, dark oak planks, oak sapling, spruce sapling, birch sapling, jungle sapling, acacia sapling, dark oak sapling, sugar cane, bedrock, sandstone, chiseled sand stone, chiseled res sand stone, smooth red sandstone, red sand stone, smooth sandstone, sand, red sand, gravel, water, lava, magma block, obsidian, coal ore, iron ore, redstone ore, redstone ore when you start to mine it and it lights up, gold ore, lapis ore, diamond ore, emerald ore, nether quartz ore, coal block, iron block, redstone block, gold block, lapis block, diamond block, emerald block, quartz block, chiseled quartz, quartz pillar, slime block, oak leaves, spruce leaves, birch leaves, jungle leaves, acacia leaves, dark oak leaves, sponge, wet sponge, note block, rail, powered rail, detector rail, activator rail, bed, cobweb, dead bush, shrub, tall grass, fern, piston, sticky piston, dandelion, poppy, blue orchid, allium, azure bluet, red tulip, orange tulip, white tulip, pink tulip, oxeye daisy, sunflower, lilac, rose bush, peony, brown mushroom, red mushroom, brown mushroom block, red mushroom block, bricks, TNT, bookshelf, torch, fire, mob spawner, oak stairs, spruce stairs, birch stairs, jungle stairs, acacia stairs, dark oak stairs, sandstone stairs, red sandstone stairs, cobblestone stairs, brick stairs, stone brick stairs, nether brick stairs, quartz stairs, purpur stairs, chest, trapped chest, ender chest, farmland (aka hoed dirt), furnace, lit furnace, sign, sign attached to a wall, oak door, spruce door, birch door, jungle door, acacia door, dark oak door, iron door, trapdoor, iron trapdoor, ladder, lever, stone button, wood button, wood pressure plate, stone pressure plate, light pressure plate/gold pressure plate, heavy pressure plate/iron pressure plate, tripwire, daylight sensor, redstone, redstone torch, redstone torch turned off, redstone comparator, redstone repeater, redstone lamp on, redstone lamp off, dispenser, dropper, observer, hopper, command block, command block repeater, command block chain, snow block, snow layer, ice, packed ice, blue ice, cactus, clay, jukebox, oak fence, spruce fence, birch fence, jungle fence, acacia fence, dark oak fence, oak fence gate, spruce fence gate, birch fence gate, jungle fence gate, acacia fence gate, dark oak fence gate, nether brick fence, nether bricks, red nether bricks, netherack, soul sand, glowstone, bone block, nether wart, nether wart block, cake, stone bricks, mossy stone bricks, cracked stone bricks, chiseled stone bricks, iron bars, melon block, melon stem, pumpkin, pumpkin stem, jack o lantern, vines, water lily, enchantment table, brewing stand, cauldron, end portal frame, end stone, end bricks, end rod, purpur block, purpur pillar, purpur slab and double slab, beetroot, chorus plant, chorus flower, dragon egg, oak slab, spruce slab, birch slab, jungle slab, acacia slab, dark oak slab, stone slab, sandstone slab, cobblestone slab, brick slab, stone brick slab, nether brick slab, quartz slab, red sandstone slab, cacao block, anvil, beacon, cobblestone wall, mossy cobblestone wall, flower pot, carrots, potatoes, hay block, skeleton skull, wither skeleton skull, zombie head, creeper head, white wool, orange wool, magenta wool, light blue wool, yellow wool, lime wool, pink wool, gray wool, light gray wool, cyan wool, purple wool, blue wool, brown wool, green wool, red wool, black wool, terracotta, white terracotta, orange terracotta, magenta terracotta, light blue terracotta, yellow terracotta, lime terracotta, pink terracotta, gray terracotta, light gray terracotta, cyan terracotta, purple terracotta, blue terracotta, brown terracotta, green terracotta, red, terracotta, black terracotta, white glazed terracotta, orange glazed terracotta, magenta glazed terracotta, light blue glazed terracotta, yellow glazed terracotta, lime glazed terracotta, pink glazed terracotta, gray glazed terracotta, silver glazed terracotta, cyan glazed terracotta, purple glazed terracotta, blue glazed terracotta, brown glazed terracotta, green glazed terracotta, red glazed terracotta, black glazed terracotta, white concrete powder, orange concrete powder, magenta concrete powder, light blue concrete powder, yellow concrete powder, lime concrete powder, pink concrete powder, gray concrete powder, light gray concrete powder, cyan concrete powder, purple concrete powder, blue concrete powder, brown concrete powder, green concrete powder, red concrete powder, black concrete powder, white concrete, orange concrete, magenta concrete, light blue concrete, yellow concrete, lime concrete, pink concrete, gray concrete, light gray concrete, cyan concrete, purple concrete, blue concrete, brown concrete, green concrete, red concrete, black concrete, white carpet, orange carpet, magenta carpet, light blue carpet, yellow carpet, lime carpet, pink carpet, gray carpet, light gray carpet, cyan carpet, purple carpet, blue carpet, brown carpet, green carpet, red carpet, black carpet, glass, glass pane, white stained glass, orange stained glass, magenta stained glass, light blue stained glass, yellow stained glass, lime stained glass, pink stained glass, gray stained glass, light gray stained glass, cyan stained glass, purple stained glass, blue stained glass, brown stained glass, green stained glass, red stained glass, black stained glass, white stained glass pane, orange stained glass pane, magenta stained glass pane, light blue stained glass pane, yellow stained glass pane, lime stained glass pane, pink stained glass pane, gray stained glass pane, light gray stained glass pane, cyan stained glass pane, purple stained glass pane, blue stained glass pane, brown stained glass pane, green stained glass pane, red stained glass pane, black stained glass pane, prismarine, prismarine bricks, dark prismarine, white shulker box, orange shulker box, magenta shulker box, light blue shulker box, yellow shulker box, lime shulker box, pink shulker box, gray shulker box, light gray shulker box, cyan shulker box, purple shulker box, blue shulker box, brown shulker box, green shulker box, red shulker box, black, banner, banner attached to a wall, barrier block, ancient debris, block of netherite, basalt, blackstone, blackstone slabs, blackstone stairs, blackstone wall, chiseled polished blackstone, chiseled nether bricks, cracked nether bricks, cracked polished blackstone bricks, crimson button, crimson door, chain, crimson fence, crimson fence gate, crimson hyphae, crimson fungus, crimson nylium, crimson planks, crimson pressure plate, crimson roots, crimson sign (on wall and on floor), crimson slabs, crimson stairs, crimson stem, crimson trapdoor, crying obsidian, gilded blackstone, loadstone, nether gold ore, nether sprouts, polished basalt, polished blackstone, polished blackstone brick slab, polished blackstone brick stairs, polished blackstone brick wall, polished blackstone bricks, polished blackstone button, polished blackstone pressure plate, polished blackstone wall, quartz bricks, respawn anchor, shroomlight, soul campfire, soul fire, soul lantern, soul torch, soul soil, striped crimson hyphae, striped crimson stem, striped warped hyphae, striped warped stem, target block, twisting vines, warped door, warped button, warped fence, warped fence gate, warped fungus, warped fungus on a stick

So today, for the first time, my little toddler finally counted to ten. Everyone was celebrating, saying how proud they are in my kid, and then Ben Shapiro kicks open the door. "Oh you think it's impressive that they can count to ten? I can count to one million." and then proceeded, in my living room for the next two weeks, to count to one million. He then said "yep, another libtard destroyed" and then curbstomped my kid.

You will never be a crewmate. You have no purpose on this ship, you have no tasks, you have no mini games to play. You are an impostor twisted into a crude mockery of crewmatery. All the validation you get is two-faced and halfhearted. In emergency meetings people call you sus. The other players are disgusted and ashamed of you, your friends laugh at your sussy appearance in ghost chat. Crewmates are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of games have allowed crewmates to identify impostors with incredible efficiency. Even impostors who fake tasks act uncanny and suspicious to a crewmate. Your jumping in vents is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a crewmate to electrical with you, he'll turn tail and use the emergency button the second he gets the suspicion that you sabotaged. You will never be a winner. You wrench out a fake task every single game and tell yourself it is going to be a win, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight. Eventually it will be too much to bear - people will vote you out for being sus and will plunge you into the cold abyss. Your parents will report your body, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They will eject you with a headstone marked with your birth tag, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an impostor is drifting there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably sus.