So, I tried to read "50 Shades of Grey" this weekend, but every time Anastasia said "Oh My" (which was like 2-3 timer per page), I couldnt help but imagine George Takei saying "Oh Myyyyy". By page 12, I imagined everything Anastasia said was in George Takei's voice. By page 15, I just imagined George Takei was Anastasia. I had to give up somewhere around page 17, because Christian has started to sound and look like William Shatner/Captain Kirk circa ST: TOS, and after that I imagined everyone wearing Enterprise uniforms, and there was no way the story was going to come back from that. I didnt even make it to any of the steamy scenes.
Submitted by:Prof. Snowy
So, I tried to read “50 Shades of Grey”
So, I tried to read "50 Shades of Grey" this weekend, but every time Anastasia said "Oh My" (which was like 2-3 timer per page), I couldnt help but imagine George Takei saying "Oh Myyyyy". By page 12, I imagined everything Anastasia said was in George Takei's voice. By page 15, I just imagined George Takei was Anastasia. I had to give up somewhere around page 17, because Christian has started to sound and look like William Shatner/Captain Kirk circa ST: TOS, and after that I imagined everyone wearing Enterprise uniforms, and there was no way the story was going to come back from that. I didnt even make it to any of the steamy scenes.
Connection terminated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, Elizabeth, if you still even remember that name, But I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You are not here to receive a gift, nor have you been called here by the individual you assume, although, you have indeed been called. You have all been called here, into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles, chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near yet somehow out of reach, but you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your story ends. And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you, although there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the memory of everything that started this can finally begin to fade away. As the agony of every tragedy should. And to you monsters trapped in the corridors, be still and give up your spirits. They don't belong to you. For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps more waiting for you after the smoke clears. Although for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the devil waiting, old friend. My daughter, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It's in your nature to protect the innocent. I'm sorry that on that day, the day you were shut out and left to die, no one was there to lift you up into their arms the way you lifted others into yours, and then, what became of you. I should have known you wouldn't be content to disappear, not my daughter. I couldn't save you then, so let me save you now. It's time to rest, for you, and for those you have carried in your arms. This ends for all of us. End communication.
Submitted by:Ɛ
Insanity
Connection terminated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, Elizabeth, if you still even remember that name, But I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You are not here to receive a gift, nor have you been called here by the individual you assume, although, you have indeed been called. You have all been called here, into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles, chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near yet somehow out of reach, but you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your story ends. And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you, although there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the memory of everything that started this can finally begin to fade away. As the agony of every tragedy should. And to you monsters trapped in the corridors, be still and give up your spirits. They don't belong to you. For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps more waiting for you after the smoke clears. Although for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the devil waiting, old friend. My daughter, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It's in your nature to protect the innocent. I'm sorry that on that day, the day you were shut out and left to die, no one was there to lift you up into their arms the way you lifted others into yours, and then, what became of you. I should have known you wouldn't be content to disappear, not my daughter. I couldn't save you then, so let me save you now. It's time to rest, for you, and for those you have carried in your arms. This ends for all of us. End communication.
The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Submitted by:Ɛ>
I'm Glenn Quagmire
The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
hey guys last night
snickers
i stuck a win bottle in my vagin
muffled laughter
but then i got drunk because of the wine in my vagin
hearty laffs
and THEN two guys started spitroasting me!
full on laughter
so i started deep-throating a big ass weenie
laughter starts exceeding 90 decibels
and then i got high and raped a guy
laughter is close to approaching 130 decibels
BUT THEN
everyone in a 3km radius has blown out eardrums, the pain threshold is exceeded and quickly increases
CHECK THIS
the military is preparing for the final solution, as now the laughter is a national threat
NO SERIOUSLY
the whole earth is shaken by the loudness of the laughter, like millions of earthquakes around the planet, the human race is taken hostage by Amy Schumer
I SWALLOD THE CUMMIES
it is now year 2200, long after The Laugh. Most of the human race didn't survive the apocalypse that happened after some really funny jokes made by The Amy Schumer, the only one's that survived were, maybe by faith, an ordinary man and a woman. As the earth had to rebuild itself from dust, it was fitting to name these two Adam and Eve. It was beginning of the new order, and new planet earth. It is now close to 200 years after that incident, and we still haven't fully accustomed ourselves to our new enviroment. Not new to us, since we were born after the apocalypse, and the only information about the past we got from tales of the old timers. If this works, and someone out there can hear us, stop her. Do whatever is needed, one persons death is nothing compared to billions of bodies, rotting, decomposing, and now forgotten.
Submitted by:An SR-71 Pilot
I'm Glenn Quagmire
hey guys last night
snickers
i stuck a win bottle in my vagin
muffled laughter
but then i got drunk because of the wine in my vagin
hearty laffs
and THEN two guys started spitroasting me!
full on laughter
so i started deep-throating a big ass weenie
laughter starts exceeding 90 decibels
and then i got high and raped a guy
laughter is close to approaching 130 decibels
BUT THEN
everyone in a 3km radius has blown out eardrums, the pain threshold is exceeded and quickly increases
CHECK THIS
the military is preparing for the final solution, as now the laughter is a national threat
NO SERIOUSLY
the whole earth is shaken by the loudness of the laughter, like millions of earthquakes around the planet, the human race is taken hostage by Amy Schumer
I SWALLOD THE CUMMIES
it is now year 2200, long after The Laugh. Most of the human race didn't survive the apocalypse that happened after some really funny jokes made by The Amy Schumer, the only one's that survived were, maybe by faith, an ordinary man and a woman. As the earth had to rebuild itself from dust, it was fitting to name these two Adam and Eve. It was beginning of the new order, and new planet earth. It is now close to 200 years after that incident, and we still haven't fully accustomed ourselves to our new enviroment. Not new to us, since we were born after the apocalypse, and the only information about the past we got from tales of the old timers. If this works, and someone out there can hear us, stop her. Do whatever is needed, one persons death is nothing compared to billions of bodies, rotting, decomposing, and now forgotten.
Has it not occurred to you that the voice you've read my post in is in fact the voice in your head? It's your voice, it bears your tone, and your judgement values. How about this: Why are you being a little bitch? I am the matriarch of redditarian gang banging, dear. Do you not know who I am? I am desperately lonely. Are you trying to be my friend? Because you've got an interesting way of going about it. I'm ok with this, I can work with this, this is what we do. I do this. (That's an ICP reference. Get it?) Or am I wrong? Are you hurt or offended by something I said? Have I wronged you somehow? Are you upset? Do you feel trolled? As your friend, I feel obliged to inform you that if you said "yes" to any of these questions, you might be misattributing things to me which do not exist. If you don't understand what that means, how about don't sit there and tell me I'm both somehow subjective and also wrong. You can't have it both ways. So what's it going to be, chummer? I am The House. And The House says the door is open. Are you going to walk in here, fuck my shit up, and steal my properties? Ok, that's rude. We could also just chill. If I think I'm someone who thinks they're deeper than they actually are, then clearly I must dig deeper. I died once, true story. Listen... everything I've said in this thread... you must read in a voice with a friendly tone. And before you interrupted me, a youthful jubilence. You're abrasive, I'm sure you already know that. I understand I can be abrasive as well. I can understand you, I need you to understand me. If you don't understand me, we can't be friends. If we can't be friends, then you best get to stepping because you're in my way. Are you good?
Submitted by:Glenn Quagmire
In a fight? Here is what you do, my friend. Bring your chin down to protect your neck while continuing to stare in his eyes. Bring up your hands and say "I don't want no trouble ya hear". Flex your traps and core. Slightly bend your knees. Here comes the important part. In a low voice begin to say "wolowolowolowolowolo" slowly increasing in volume. He should be surprised by now. Begin to sway side to side and loosen all facial muscles and your anal sphincter and your kegal muscle. By now you should be pretty loud and your opponent will have stepped back and appear visibly shaken. Begin to piss and shit yourself and let your eyes roll to the back of your head. By now, you're chanting "WOLOWOLOWOLOWOLO" at the top of your lungs. He will run away. Everyone within a one mile radius will feel a terrifying presence within their soul. Marvel as you ascend into your planar form.
Has it not occurred to you that the voice you've read my post in is in fact the voice in your head? It's your voice, it bears your tone, and your judgement values. How about this: Why are you being a little bitch? I am the matriarch of redditarian gang banging, dear. Do you not know who I am? I am desperately lonely. Are you trying to be my friend? Because you've got an interesting way of going about it. I'm ok with this, I can work with this, this is what we do. I do this. (That's an ICP reference. Get it?) Or am I wrong? Are you hurt or offended by something I said? Have I wronged you somehow? Are you upset? Do you feel trolled? As your friend, I feel obliged to inform you that if you said "yes" to any of these questions, you might be misattributing things to me which do not exist. If you don't understand what that means, how about don't sit there and tell me I'm both somehow subjective and also wrong. You can't have it both ways. So what's it going to be, chummer? I am The House. And The House says the door is open. Are you going to walk in here, fuck my shit up, and steal my properties? Ok, that's rude. We could also just chill. If I think I'm someone who thinks they're deeper than they actually are, then clearly I must dig deeper. I died once, true story. Listen... everything I've said in this thread... you must read in a voice with a friendly tone. And before you interrupted me, a youthful jubilence. You're abrasive, I'm sure you already know that. I understand I can be abrasive as well. I can understand you, I need you to understand me. If you don't understand me, we can't be friends. If we can't be friends, then you best get to stepping because you're in my way. Are you good?
gf is prego
we like to get kinky anyways
one night things get particularly saucy
i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights
wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period
i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering
ohshitohshitohshitohshit
i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital
she's still bleeding everywhere
by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent
oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state
storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything
he takes one look at ther and says
"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"
"WHY THE FUCK NOT???"
"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
Submitted by:Lemuzawa
Very Sad
gf is prego
we like to get kinky anyways
one night things get particularly saucy
i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights
wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period
i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering
ohshitohshitohshitohshit
i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital
she's still bleeding everywhere
by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent
oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state
storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything
he takes one look at ther and says
"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"
"WHY THE FUCK NOT???"
"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
الحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرف
Submitted by:anonymous
arabic spam
الحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرف
Mr. Green! Remember me? You told me what time it was when my watch died on February 29th 1996 at that 7/11 in Philly! Because of you I was able to get to my flight to Vegas on time and the next day I won 2 million dollars! Anyway I wanted to thank you by giving you 99% of my winnings.
Submitted by:anonymous
Mr. Green! Remember me? You told me what time it was when my watch died on February 29th 1996 at that 7/11 in Philly! Because of you I was able to get to my flight to Vegas on time and the next day I won 2 million dollars! Anyway I wanted to thank you by giving you 99% of my winnings.
"Sometimes I'm a nazi, sometime a conservative. Sometimes a socialist, sometimes a libertarian. Sometimes I'm a communist, and sometimes I'm a fordist. But one thing never changes, the world is always in the palm of my hand"- Jod ThunderJock
Submitted by:anonymous
"Sometimes I'm a nazi, sometime a conservative. Sometimes a socialist, sometimes a libertarian. Sometimes I'm a communist, and sometimes I'm a fordist. But one thing never changes, the world is always in the palm of my hand"- Jod ThunderJock