hey guys last night
snickers
i stuck a win bottle in my vagin
muffled laughter
but then i got drunk because of the wine in my vagin
hearty laffs
and THEN two guys started spitroasting me!
full on laughter
so i started deep-throating a big ass weenie
laughter starts exceeding 90 decibels
and then i got high and raped a guy
laughter is close to approaching 130 decibels
BUT THEN
everyone in a 3km radius has blown out eardrums, the pain threshold is exceeded and quickly increases
CHECK THIS
the military is preparing for the final solution, as now the laughter is a national threat
NO SERIOUSLY
the whole earth is shaken by the loudness of the laughter, like millions of earthquakes around the planet, the human race is taken hostage by Amy Schumer
I SWALLOD THE CUMMIES
it is now year 2200, long after The Laugh. Most of the human race didn't survive the apocalypse that happened after some really funny jokes made by The Amy Schumer, the only one's that survived were, maybe by faith, an ordinary man and a woman. As the earth had to rebuild itself from dust, it was fitting to name these two Adam and Eve. It was beginning of the new order, and new planet earth. It is now close to 200 years after that incident, and we still haven't fully accustomed ourselves to our new enviroment. Not new to us, since we were born after the apocalypse, and the only information about the past we got from tales of the old timers. If this works, and someone out there can hear us, stop her. Do whatever is needed, one persons death is nothing compared to billions of bodies, rotting, decomposing, and now forgotten.
Submitted by:An SR-71 Pilot
I'm Glenn Quagmire
hey guys last night
snickers
i stuck a win bottle in my vagin
muffled laughter
but then i got drunk because of the wine in my vagin
hearty laffs
and THEN two guys started spitroasting me!
full on laughter
so i started deep-throating a big ass weenie
laughter starts exceeding 90 decibels
and then i got high and raped a guy
laughter is close to approaching 130 decibels
BUT THEN
everyone in a 3km radius has blown out eardrums, the pain threshold is exceeded and quickly increases
CHECK THIS
the military is preparing for the final solution, as now the laughter is a national threat
NO SERIOUSLY
the whole earth is shaken by the loudness of the laughter, like millions of earthquakes around the planet, the human race is taken hostage by Amy Schumer
I SWALLOD THE CUMMIES
it is now year 2200, long after The Laugh. Most of the human race didn't survive the apocalypse that happened after some really funny jokes made by The Amy Schumer, the only one's that survived were, maybe by faith, an ordinary man and a woman. As the earth had to rebuild itself from dust, it was fitting to name these two Adam and Eve. It was beginning of the new order, and new planet earth. It is now close to 200 years after that incident, and we still haven't fully accustomed ourselves to our new enviroment. Not new to us, since we were born after the apocalypse, and the only information about the past we got from tales of the old timers. If this works, and someone out there can hear us, stop her. Do whatever is needed, one persons death is nothing compared to billions of bodies, rotting, decomposing, and now forgotten.
Has it not occurred to you that the voice you've read my post in is in fact the voice in your head? It's your voice, it bears your tone, and your judgement values. How about this: Why are you being a little bitch? I am the matriarch of redditarian gang banging, dear. Do you not know who I am? I am desperately lonely. Are you trying to be my friend? Because you've got an interesting way of going about it. I'm ok with this, I can work with this, this is what we do. I do this. (That's an ICP reference. Get it?) Or am I wrong? Are you hurt or offended by something I said? Have I wronged you somehow? Are you upset? Do you feel trolled? As your friend, I feel obliged to inform you that if you said "yes" to any of these questions, you might be misattributing things to me which do not exist. If you don't understand what that means, how about don't sit there and tell me I'm both somehow subjective and also wrong. You can't have it both ways. So what's it going to be, chummer? I am The House. And The House says the door is open. Are you going to walk in here, fuck my shit up, and steal my properties? Ok, that's rude. We could also just chill. If I think I'm someone who thinks they're deeper than they actually are, then clearly I must dig deeper. I died once, true story. Listen... everything I've said in this thread... you must read in a voice with a friendly tone. And before you interrupted me, a youthful jubilence. You're abrasive, I'm sure you already know that. I understand I can be abrasive as well. I can understand you, I need you to understand me. If you don't understand me, we can't be friends. If we can't be friends, then you best get to stepping because you're in my way. Are you good?
Submitted by:Glenn Quagmire
In a fight? Here is what you do, my friend. Bring your chin down to protect your neck while continuing to stare in his eyes. Bring up your hands and say "I don't want no trouble ya hear". Flex your traps and core. Slightly bend your knees. Here comes the important part. In a low voice begin to say "wolowolowolowolowolo" slowly increasing in volume. He should be surprised by now. Begin to sway side to side and loosen all facial muscles and your anal sphincter and your kegal muscle. By now you should be pretty loud and your opponent will have stepped back and appear visibly shaken. Begin to piss and shit yourself and let your eyes roll to the back of your head. By now, you're chanting "WOLOWOLOWOLOWOLO" at the top of your lungs. He will run away. Everyone within a one mile radius will feel a terrifying presence within their soul. Marvel as you ascend into your planar form.
Has it not occurred to you that the voice you've read my post in is in fact the voice in your head? It's your voice, it bears your tone, and your judgement values. How about this: Why are you being a little bitch? I am the matriarch of redditarian gang banging, dear. Do you not know who I am? I am desperately lonely. Are you trying to be my friend? Because you've got an interesting way of going about it. I'm ok with this, I can work with this, this is what we do. I do this. (That's an ICP reference. Get it?) Or am I wrong? Are you hurt or offended by something I said? Have I wronged you somehow? Are you upset? Do you feel trolled? As your friend, I feel obliged to inform you that if you said "yes" to any of these questions, you might be misattributing things to me which do not exist. If you don't understand what that means, how about don't sit there and tell me I'm both somehow subjective and also wrong. You can't have it both ways. So what's it going to be, chummer? I am The House. And The House says the door is open. Are you going to walk in here, fuck my shit up, and steal my properties? Ok, that's rude. We could also just chill. If I think I'm someone who thinks they're deeper than they actually are, then clearly I must dig deeper. I died once, true story. Listen... everything I've said in this thread... you must read in a voice with a friendly tone. And before you interrupted me, a youthful jubilence. You're abrasive, I'm sure you already know that. I understand I can be abrasive as well. I can understand you, I need you to understand me. If you don't understand me, we can't be friends. If we can't be friends, then you best get to stepping because you're in my way. Are you good?
gf is prego
we like to get kinky anyways
one night things get particularly saucy
i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights
wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period
i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering
ohshitohshitohshitohshit
i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital
she's still bleeding everywhere
by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent
oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state
storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything
he takes one look at ther and says
"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"
"WHY THE FUCK NOT???"
"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
Submitted by:Lemuzawa
Very Sad
gf is prego
we like to get kinky anyways
one night things get particularly saucy
i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights
wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period
i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering
ohshitohshitohshitohshit
i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital
she's still bleeding everywhere
by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent
oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state
storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything
he takes one look at ther and says
"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"
"WHY THE FUCK NOT???"
"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
الحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرف
Submitted by:anonymous
arabic spam
الحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرفالحصول على القرف
Mr. Green! Remember me? You told me what time it was when my watch died on February 29th 1996 at that 7/11 in Philly! Because of you I was able to get to my flight to Vegas on time and the next day I won 2 million dollars! Anyway I wanted to thank you by giving you 99% of my winnings.
Submitted by:anonymous
Mr. Green! Remember me? You told me what time it was when my watch died on February 29th 1996 at that 7/11 in Philly! Because of you I was able to get to my flight to Vegas on time and the next day I won 2 million dollars! Anyway I wanted to thank you by giving you 99% of my winnings.
"Sometimes I'm a nazi, sometime a conservative. Sometimes a socialist, sometimes a libertarian. Sometimes I'm a communist, and sometimes I'm a fordist. But one thing never changes, the world is always in the palm of my hand"- Jod ThunderJock
Submitted by:anonymous
"Sometimes I'm a nazi, sometime a conservative. Sometimes a socialist, sometimes a libertarian. Sometimes I'm a communist, and sometimes I'm a fordist. But one thing never changes, the world is always in the palm of my hand"- Jod ThunderJock
Hi it's me, Goku. I've talked to some of you about what happened recently and i decided to join here again, i don't expect from you to be very nice to me but please, i'm a human too and deserve respect too. I'm very sorry about this situation and i promise it will never happen again, i have already apologized to people who i have hurt due to my behaviour and i hope i will get welcomed here too. Please don't harrass me and remember the situation have been explained already. Again, i'm very sorry about all of this.
Submitted by:anonymous
Me and my discord friends have this inside joke of a user joining then leaving our server with this message, but we replaced their name with Goku and it's fucking hilarious
Hi it's me, Goku. I've talked to some of you about what happened recently and i decided to join here again, i don't expect from you to be very nice to me but please, i'm a human too and deserve respect too. I'm very sorry about this situation and i promise it will never happen again, i have already apologized to people who i have hurt due to my behaviour and i hope i will get welcomed here too. Please don't harrass me and remember the situation have been explained already. Again, i'm very sorry about all of this.
Telling someone who won the argument to grow up. You are a reddit mod on a power trip like most
stupid Americans. Step outside your country and you will get slapped. My Afghan friends tell me that. Your country is full of clowns. Ironically you are the one who needs to grow up and realise that you are just the mod of a rubbish reddit who blocks any opinion different to his. Sound familiar. Begins with an F ends in ism. Now stop being self righteous hypocrite and move on. We both don't want to discuss anything. I don't have the time for it
Submitted by:anonymous
Least insane AoT redditor
Telling someone who won the argument to grow up. You are a reddit mod on a power trip like most
stupid Americans. Step outside your country and you will get slapped. My Afghan friends tell me that. Your country is full of clowns. Ironically you are the one who needs to grow up and realise that you are just the mod of a rubbish reddit who blocks any opinion different to his. Sound familiar. Begins with an F ends in ism. Now stop being self righteous hypocrite and move on. We both don't want to discuss anything. I don't have the time for it
Okay we get it. You have 1k channel points. Good for you! You have wasted your life watching some guy play video games all day. Meanwhile, I was out grinding. I already cured cancer and solved world hunger. What do you have to show for your time? Nothing.
Submitted by:anonymous
Okay we get it. You have 1k channel points. Good for you! You have wasted your life watching some guy play video games all day. Meanwhile, I was out grinding. I already cured cancer and solved world hunger. What do you have to show for your time? Nothing.
Hello everyone. I’m Scott, President of Dominos Pizza. Have you heard of Hatsune Miku? Today I would like to announce a new collaborative project featuring Hatsune Miku: Dominos App Featuring Hatsune Miku. Hatsune Miku exists in a software called volaloid. Vocaloid enables you to produce songs. A character named Hatsune Miku sings the songs you create. A great feature is you can create songs as you like. I knew our talented Dominos Pizza crew could work together and create great vocaloid songs. Bokorpe, Eshi, Chokyoshi, Futusekeshi, everyone! Amazing vocaloid songs have been created with the fantastic imagination of the crews from all over Japan. The challenge was successfully carried out, and this new collaborative app was produced. Based on Miku’s image, the Dominos app changes its appearance. A lot of music and illustrations produced by Dominos crew are here. From the menu to the order, it looks very cute: just like Miku. Once your pizza’s delivered, have some fun with Miku! It comes with a social camera function, and you can take various poses, pictures of Miku: Very cool. And last, but not least, the live performance! Start the pizza stage live and point the camera towards the pizza box, and the pizza box will turn into a live dancing venue. A live performance of Love for Night produced by Dominos crew! Here we go! Miku sings Let’s enjoy the rest of the performance, with the app!
Submitted by:anonymous
Hello everyone. I’m Scott, President of Dominos Pizza. Have you heard of Hatsune Miku? Today I would like to announce a new collaborative project featuring Hatsune Miku: Dominos App Featuring Hatsune Miku. Hatsune Miku exists in a software called volaloid. Vocaloid enables you to produce songs. A character named Hatsune Miku sings the songs you create. A great feature is you can create songs as you like. I knew our talented Dominos Pizza crew could work together and create great vocaloid songs. Bokorpe, Eshi, Chokyoshi, Futusekeshi, everyone! Amazing vocaloid songs have been created with the fantastic imagination of the crews from all over Japan. The challenge was successfully carried out, and this new collaborative app was produced. Based on Miku’s image, the Dominos app changes its appearance. A lot of music and illustrations produced by Dominos crew are here. From the menu to the order, it looks very cute: just like Miku. Once your pizza’s delivered, have some fun with Miku! It comes with a social camera function, and you can take various poses, pictures of Miku: Very cool. And last, but not least, the live performance! Start the pizza stage live and point the camera towards the pizza box, and the pizza box will turn into a live dancing venue. A live performance of Love for Night produced by Dominos crew! Here we go! Miku sings Let’s enjoy the rest of the performance, with the app!