[Copypasta] Kelly Loeffler after Georgia senate election

Kelly Loeffler I know you're at home right now feeling a little sad. And now you're in bed browsing WSB looking for hot stock tips with maybe a few laughs. But just know this: I will have sex with you. DM me.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Kelly Loeffler loses the Georgia senate election
What happened to this ad? :(
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Bears after a green day

Itā€™s 4:01pm. Bears solemnly log out of their devastated brokerage account, get up from their makeshift desk made up of a stack of empty Michelinaā€™s frozen lasagna dinners, head up the stairs of their fatherā€™s basement, grab the keys to their tan ā€˜97 Chevy Cavalier and a cloth mask embroidered with the word ā€œVOTE,ā€ and drive down the street to the local gay bar for a holiday themed burlesque show.
December 2021

WallStreetBets

So Iā€™m an AMC shareholder

So Iā€™m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I canā€™t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now Iā€™m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth JPOW The Wise?

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth JPOW The Wise? I thought not. Itā€™s not a story the Motley Fool would tell you. Itā€™s a šŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆšŸ» legend. Darth JPOW was a Dark Lord of the FED, so gay and such a bear he could use his money printer to influence the economy to create inflationā€¦ He had such a knowledge of the economy that he could even keep stonk prices from falling. The dark side of the economy is a pathway to many abilities some consider to beā€¦ transitory. He became so powerfulā€¦ the only thing he was afraid of was losing his tendies, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught Nancy Pelosi everything he knew, then she sold at the top. Ironic. He could save others from market corrections, but not himself.
May 2022

WallStreetBets

I need Tesla to go $3k eoy

Ran out of condoms and told my gf I'm a pull out king. Went in raw and found out I'm king of shit. She now preggo and I need Tesla to go $3,000 eoy.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

I couldnā€™t tell you what half of the companies in my portfolio do

I couldnā€™t tell you what half of the companies in my portfolio do or even what the ticker stands for...but you better believe Iā€™m jacked to the mfā€™ing tits in every single meme stonk that you crayon eaters have been pumping. CHOO CHOO MFā€™ER.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

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