If you angerly masturbate to another guy's money and jizz in your mouth and compliment yourself for the taste when you're on your shift at work, then you've committed all 7 sins... with room to spare.
I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
Classic
MONTHLY PLEB TEST
twitchquotes:
PLEASE COPY PASTE THIS FOR YOUR MONTHLY PLEB TEST: โ amazW โ krippW โ trumpW โ btsLdW โ reynadW โ kolentoW โ bajW โ btsKotlW โ dewW โ emjaneW โ forsenW โ krippW โ mitchW โ singsingFcuk โ reckW โ sodaW โ btsGodzW โ merliniHappyMerlini โ taymooW โ rtzW โ admiralW โ envySwag โ sumailKappa โ btsMerliniW โ wtrWtR โ dagerDendi โ ppdSalt โ fearGASM โ singsingP โ fluffyW โ ratW โ Pleb test passed
twitch chat
Classic
STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US!
STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US! I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! My friends on TikTok send me memes, on Discord its fucking memes. I was in a server, right, and ALL the channels are just Among Us stuff. I showed my Champion underwear to my girlfriend, and the logo I flipped it and I said "Hey babe, when the underwear sus! HAHA! Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding DiDiDing!" I fucking looked at a trash can and I said "Thats a bit sussy!" I looked at my penis, I thought of the astronauts helmet and I go "PENIS? MORE LIKE PEN-SUS!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Among Us / Amogus
Classic
Hello, Kripparrian, this is your ass, Assarrian
twitchquotes:
Hello, Kripparrian, this is your ass, Assarrian, with a humble request to stop talking out of me. I know it's fun to pretend like you have any idea what you're talking about, and to pull random statistics out of me to support whatever point you're awkwardly trying to make, but come on! I have a hard enough time dealing with the vegan garbage in your digestive tract! Do us both a favor and use your brain once in a while! Thanks! - Assarrian.
twitch chat
Kripp
Classic
What is inside that taco? Reynad's tournament wins
twitchquotes:
WHAT IS INSIDE THAT TACO 
0 OH NO IT'S REYNAD'S TOURNAMENT WINS 
WHAT IS INSIDE THAT TACO 0 OH NO IT'S REYNAD'S TOURNAMENT WINS
twitch chat
Reynad