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Hey Krip, it's your hairdresser here, Snipparrian

twitchquotes: Hey Krip, it's your hairdresser here, Snipparrian, I just wanted you to know I'm greatful for the tip you gave me after I shaved your pubic hair into a Swastika, now your mods visit me on a daily basis too keep up the facist chat regime. Copy and pasta so Kripp knows of my thanks ヽ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ノ
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Hey Kripp, Dan from HearthArena here

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, Dan from HearthArena here. Just wanted to let you know we have some updates to our policy for sponsored content. Instead of saying "that guy's deck was crazy", we now suggest our partners use the phrase, "wow, that guy must have used HearthArena™ to get a deck like that!" We're grateful for your continued participation and hope you have a nice day.
twitch chat
September 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

salty

What happened to this ad? :(

Rob from the Romanian sausage truck

twitchquotes: Hey "Kripp!" It's me -- Rob from the Romanian sausage truck. I haven't seen you come by in a while! My friend told me you were a famous gamer, so I searched for you online. I honestly had no idea! Thanks for the shout-out. Keep rocking, and come by for a sausage if you have the chance. I'd love to see you again.
twitch chat
March 2016
Kripp

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

I hate you

Mark, let me tell you something. Pay close attention to the text that I am about to write. An average human body has about 38 trillion cells. In each of these cells there is a spiral helix of DNA that, if stretched to its maximum, is about two meters long. DNA is one of the densest stores of information on the planet: a single gram of DNA stores about 700 terabytes of information. If we stretched out the 76 trillion meters of DNA in my body and recorded, character by character, the word "Hate" over and over and over again, this pile of information could not store the tiniest fraction of a trillionth of the hatred that I feel for you right now. Every drop of blood in my body cries out for your death. My very soul writhes in disgust. Your mere existence is a blasphemy and an affront to every possible virtue and quality that any rational being can possess. You are a deception to Satan himself.
August 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

I used to work at an abortion clinic

I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed: • ⁠A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight • ⁠A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor • ⁠They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name) • ⁠One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns • ⁠The receptionist threw nail polish at an elderly man • ⁠The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life" • ⁠The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos • ⁠The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy) • ⁠During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free
August 2021

NSFW

Did you ever hear the tragedy of the man who fell into the river in Lego city?

Did you ever hear the tragedy of the man who fell into the river in Lego city? I thought not. It's not a story the Playmobils would tell you. It's a LEGO legend. Man Lego was a Dark Lord of building, so powerful and so wise he could use the bricks to influence the constructions to create rescue helicopters… He had such a knowledge of building that he could even keep the ones he cared about from falling. The dark side of the LEGOs is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice threw him into the river in LEGO city. Ironic. He could rescue others from the river, but not himself.
December 2020

Lego City

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

Pokimane love you

Pokimane love you. I truly love you, You fill the void in my heart and stop the pain. really need you in my life, you complete me. would do everything for you, would sacrifice everything just to be able to spend a day with you, do everything please give me a chance.
April 2021
Pokimane

Simps

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

March 2021

NSFW

COCKtober emojipasta v2

October 2021

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Halloween

NSFW

Holiday

Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Game Theory: Who asked?

This leads to the very mysterious question: "Who asked?" Well, to understand the question, we have to understand the answer: So this very particular question is asking about who asked, the question is divided into two parts: Who & asked "Who" is what is called an "Interrogative word" which specifies the answer to make it suitable for the question, the "Who" here is specifying a person/human/homo sapiens/guy which has a brain to think about the surrounding stuff which surrounds him, which distinguishes the person/human/homo sapiens/guy from animals, plants, extraterrestrial creatures, or objects, so the answer should be as I said in the abstract: A human. Second: "asked" is a verb in the second condition of the forms of the verb, which are divided into three types: Regular, Past, or Past participle. and the verb "asked" is in the "Past" condition, which talks about the time that is gone and no longer exists. The original form of this particular verb is "ask", which is to say something in order to obtain an answer or some information. So, to summon what the answer wants from the previous two points, it's that: The answer wants to understand and know about the person/human/homo sapiens/guy who wanted to say something in order to obtain an answer or some information. So, in order to answer this question, we will have to identify two points: First: What was the question that the subject of the answer to the question "Who asked?" asked? Well, to understand this question, we will NOT have to understand what is the answer. We will just have to understand the definition of "Question" The "Question" is A sentence worded or expressed so as to elicit information. Questions could be identified using the "Interrogative Words", which we talked about earlier. these "Interrogative Words" are nine, which are: Who, What, Where, Why, Which, When, Whose, Whom, and How. We are going to explain each individually: As we said earlier: "Who" is specifying a person/human/homo sapiens/guy who has a brain to think about the surrounding stuff which surrounds him, which distinguishes the person/human/homo sapiens/guy from animals, plants, extraterrestrial creatures, or objects, so the answer should be as I said in the abstract: A human. "What" is specifying a non-person/non-human/non-homo sapiens/non-guy who either does not have a brain that he can understand and think properly with, like plants, or objects, or they have a brain, either that their brains cannot understand and think properly, like animals, or their brain can understand and think properly, but their species/type is rather different from the society, like extraterrestrial creatures, so the answer should be as I said in the abstract: A(n) animal, plant, extraterrestrial creature, or object. "Where" is specifying a place, city, country, continent, etc. where something happens, or some(one/person/human/homo sapiens/guy), plant, animal, extraterrestrial creature or object which exists in a place, city, country, continent, etc. "Why" is specifying a reason for doing something. "Which" is specifying a choice of either two or more choices that the receiver of the question usually chooses. "When" is specifying a time in which either something already happened, or something will happen in either near, or far future, for example: "When will anyone save me as I was captured by MatPat for trying to comment a joke about his video?" "Whose" is specifying a person/human/homo sapiens/guy who has a brain to think about the surrounding stuff which surrounds him, which distinguishes the person/human/homo sapiens/guy from animals, plants, extraterrestrial creatures, or objects, and that person/human/homo sapiens/guy owns something, or someone ( if he is a human trafficker ), and the sender of the question is trying to find who owns that something, or someone. "Whom" is an old-fashioned term, not often used today. Many native English speakers are less than clear about its accurate use. In fact, the word serves the same purpose as "Who" questions, which as we said: specifies a person/human/homo sapiens/guy who has a brain to think about the surrounding stuff which surrounds him, which distinguishes the person/human/homo sapiens/guy from animals, plants, extraterrestrial creatures, or objects, so the answer should be as I said in the abstract: A human, but tends to be used when it is the object of the verb. With modern English, there is no real need to use the term. "How" could be referring to the way something is done or refers to the status of the receiver of the question. Now, let's get back to where we were talking: Questions can be different, and many, and the possibility of guessing the question could be high or low according to the frequency of using it, but guessing a question which was asked for the first time is very difficult, so, it is not specific what was the question that the subject of the answer to the question "Who asked?" asked. Second: What is the purpose of the question "Who asked?"? Well, it could be referring to roasting someone as the humor of "No one asked.", and it could be referring to actually asking a question about who asked the question. So, here's the answer to the question "Who asked?": It could be anyone who made something unlikely for the others or someone who asked a question which could be a hint to treasure, or a last "sentence" from somebody, or something else. (s)He could be you. (s)He could be me. (s)He could be Elon Musk. (s)He could be even your mom. as long as they have made something unlikely for the others or they have asked a question which could be a hint to treasure, or a last "sentence" from somebody, or something else.
February 2022

Who Asked?

Morons will copy anything if it's long enough

twitchquotes: Morons in this chat will copy anything you say if it's long enough. They won't even read the entire message. They just see a paragraph of text and instinctually copy it and paste it as if they wrote it themselves. It's actually sad how brain dead you people can be, copying and pasting things that have no meaning only because it caught your attention. FailFish
twitch chat
March 2018

I hate Twitch Chat

salty

Imposter broke into my house!

So yesterday I was eating with my family when all of a sudden a “crew mate” broke in through the front door. He had a ski mask on and a gun which was sus, but he a good skin. My father told us all to hide so we don’t get killed by the obvious imposter. I could see him from my hiding spot under the table and he looked sus. So I told my dad “DAD YOU THINK HE IS THE IMPOSTER? HE IS SUS!” I yelled as loud as I could. The imposter found us hiding and shot my father five times. The imposter was so dumb, who kills someone in front of crew mates? I ran to call the emergency meeting by grabbing my phone off the table when I heard my mother get shot and scream for me. Lol she was so bad at among us. My teammates sucked and were dying to the worst Imposter. So I called the emergency meeting and for some reason a S.W.A.T team rammed down the door and killed the imposter. Lol that’s not how the game goes, I think they were hacking.
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

LS aka "Leaked Script"

twitchquotes: LS aka "Leaked Script" is a genius caster/commentator in the LCK and self-declared coach, who is specifically known for predicting picks during draft and his spot-on analysis, all thanks to his ability to read the script.
twitch chat
August 2019
imls

League of Legends

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Ben Shapiro owns another Libtard

Are you a left or right wing?!”, the dark ominous figure booms. I know it’s over. “I-I’m a d-democr—“ Instantly I lose all bodily functions. I collapse to the floor, screaming in agony, spasming. The great Ben Shapiro stands over my lifeless body. “Libtard has been owned.”
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

my brother is the best cook

twitchquotes: my😽 brother 👱 is the best🥇cook 🧑‍🍳because 🗣with 2️⃣ eggs🥚🥚1️⃣sausage🌭and a cup🥛of milk🍼he👱can fill⬆️my👩tummy🤰for9️⃣🗣months📅🥰🤩
twitch chat
November 2019

Emoji Pasta

tyler imo u are the best league of legends player

twitchquotes: tyler imo u are the best league of legends player in the history, you show skills and wits beyond anyone else who played the game, and is improving on a daily basis. you show great promise as long as you keep doing what you're doing right now. cheers
twitch chat
March 2018
Tyler1

League of Legends

Quit gaming 8 months ago. Bought a new car

twitchquotes: Quit gaming 8 months ago. Bought a new car, I have an amazing new girlfriend, I make a shitload of money and I'm buying a house this spring. I party every weekend, I'm never home. I'm enjoying life. Do yourselves a favor. Stop trying to make gaming a career. It's cringe as fuck
twitch chat
September 2019
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

TWITCH PLAYS POT OF GREED

twitchquotes: TWITCH PLAYS POT OF GREED EleGiggle IT PLAYS TWO MORE ADS EleGiggle TWITCH PLAYS POT OF GREED EleGiggle IT PLAYS TWO MORE ADS EleGiggle TWITCH PLAYS POT OF GREED EleGiggle IT PLAYS TWO MORE ADS EleGiggle
twitch chat
October 2017
TwitchPresents

YuGiOh Ad Marathon

Text-to-Speech Playing