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[Verse 1] Crush my cock with a rock I must. Maximum pain I must endure. Ok, here we go. [Chorus] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Greetings, my fellow intellectually superior comrades. I too am an enjoyer of the fedora as well as intellectual matters and enlightenment. I am very pleased to find a space like this where intellects like me can laugh at normie th*ests and jerk off to rule 34 Rick and Morty images like the true sigma Chads we are. Truly a shame that normie sites like Instascam and Crapchat do not possess the intellectual capacity of people like us. That reminds me of a story involving one of my proudest accomplishments. I remember the reason why I got fired from my old job as a scrub, and it is truly a brave, bold, and intellectual moment that I am sure you all will be proud of. So I was doing my rounds at the hospital I was working at and someone's newborn baby has just died form birth complications. Everyone was crying and the mother's parents had assured her that the baby was "in Heaven" and "with God". (cringe, right?) Well I heard this utter nonsense through the hallway and I figured that it was my duty to put these ignoramus th* ists in their place. So I walked into the room and said straight to their faces "but God isn't real and neither is Heaven you normie th* ists. Heaven is a fairy tale made up by a book written 1,000 years ago in a desert by wannabe fantasy writers. Your sky daddy isn't real, and your baby isn't in Heaven because Heaven isn't real either. It's just all black for him like it was before he was convinced in your room. Go read 'the God delusion' by Richard Dawkins, maybe you'll grow a few brain cells." Everyone was shocked, the lady started crying and her parents and husband started yelling at me. The others were just speechless, their months agape. But I wasn't phased, it only made me proud becuase I know that when the th*ists are seething, I am right. So eventually someone must have reported me becuase a day after I got fired for "unprofessionalism and harassment". Ha! More like the simpleton folks cannot understand the intelligence of freethinkers like me, and get mad at those who tell the truth and reality check their delusion of their skydaddy. I didn't care tho. Geniuses are rarely recognized as such in their time. One day they'll look back in history and see that what I did there as well as all the other things I did were revolutionary! I can find a job with more intellectual employers anyway. I was proud to be fired for speaking the truth! Either way, I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to destroy some skydaddy cock sucking th*ests. Also an updoot on this post would very much be appreciated and wholesome. Edit: I said UPDOOT, not DOWNDOOT! God, are you just as dumb as the th*ists now???

I met him in real life and told him how much of a fan I was. He kept on saying rude things to me such as "Who are you", "How did you get in my house" and "I'm calling the police." Celebrities, PLEASE respect your fans!

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.

It’s Morbin time! # FAQ ## What does this mean? It’s time for Morbin. ## Why did I do this? There are several reasons I may deem you morbin-able to be worthy of being morbed. These include, but are not limited to: I am very Morby I see you being morbin-able You morbed me first ## Is Morbius THE movie of all time? Yes ## I don't believe I deserved to be morbed upon. Can you un-morb me? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put morb-juice back into my morbenis. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me some thick morb-milk explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to fucking requests/comments within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of people gets morbed, and you are is likely no exception. ## How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the reality that I stick my Morbenis into your morbussy and move on. But learn from this mistake. You were a mistake because I forgot to wear a morbondom whilst fucking your morb-hole. I will continue to morb your morbussy until you improve your conduct. Remember: morbing you who morbed me first is a right, not a privilege.

Air, stone, granite, polished granite, diorite, polished diorite, andesite, polished andesite, grass, grass path, mycelium, dirt, coarse dirt, podzol, cobblestone, mossy cobblestone, oak wood, spruce wood, birch wood, jungle wood, acacia wood, dark oak wood, oak planks, spruce planks, birch planks, jungle planks, acacia planks, dark oak planks, oak sapling, spruce sapling, birch sapling, jungle sapling, acacia sapling, dark oak sapling, sugar cane, bedrock, sandstone, chiseled sand stone, chiseled res sand stone, smooth red sandstone, red sand stone, smooth sandstone, sand, red sand, gravel, water, lava, magma block, obsidian, coal ore, iron ore, redstone ore, redstone ore when you start to mine it and it lights up, gold ore, lapis ore, diamond ore, emerald ore, nether quartz ore, coal block, iron block, redstone block, gold block, lapis block, diamond block, emerald block, quartz block, chiseled quartz, quartz pillar, slime block, oak leaves, spruce leaves, birch leaves, jungle leaves, acacia leaves, dark oak leaves, sponge, wet sponge, note block, rail, powered rail, detector rail, activator rail, bed, cobweb, dead bush, shrub, tall grass, fern, piston, sticky piston, dandelion, poppy, blue orchid, allium, azure bluet, red tulip, orange tulip, white tulip, pink tulip, oxeye daisy, sunflower, lilac, rose bush, peony, brown mushroom, red mushroom, brown mushroom block, red mushroom block, bricks, TNT, bookshelf, torch, fire, mob spawner, oak stairs, spruce stairs, birch stairs, jungle stairs, acacia stairs, dark oak stairs, sandstone stairs, red sandstone stairs, cobblestone stairs, brick stairs, stone brick stairs, nether brick stairs, quartz stairs, purpur stairs, chest, trapped chest, ender chest, farmland (aka hoed dirt), furnace, lit furnace, sign, sign attached to a wall, oak door, spruce door, birch door, jungle door, acacia door, dark oak door, iron door, trapdoor, iron trapdoor, ladder, lever, stone button, wood button, wood pressure plate, stone pressure plate, light pressure plate/gold pressure plate, heavy pressure plate/iron pressure plate, tripwire, daylight sensor, redstone, redstone torch, redstone torch turned off, redstone comparator, redstone repeater, redstone lamp on, redstone lamp off, dispenser, dropper, observer, hopper, command block, command block repeater, command block chain, snow block, snow layer, ice, packed ice, blue ice, cactus, clay, jukebox, oak fence, spruce fence, birch fence, jungle fence, acacia fence, dark oak fence, oak fence gate, spruce fence gate, birch fence gate, jungle fence gate, acacia fence gate, dark oak fence gate, nether brick fence, nether bricks, red nether bricks, netherack, soul sand, glowstone, bone block, nether wart, nether wart block, cake, stone bricks, mossy stone bricks, cracked stone bricks, chiseled stone bricks, iron bars, melon block, melon stem, pumpkin, pumpkin stem, jack o lantern, vines, water lily, enchantment table, brewing stand, cauldron, end portal frame, end stone, end bricks, end rod, purpur block, purpur pillar, purpur slab and double slab, beetroot, chorus plant, chorus flower, dragon egg, oak slab, spruce slab, birch slab, jungle slab, acacia slab, dark oak slab, stone slab, sandstone slab, cobblestone slab, brick slab, stone brick slab, nether brick slab, quartz slab, red sandstone slab, cacao block, anvil, beacon, cobblestone wall, mossy cobblestone wall, flower pot, carrots, potatoes, hay block, skeleton skull, wither skeleton skull, zombie head, creeper head, white wool, orange wool, magenta wool, light blue wool, yellow wool, lime wool, pink wool, gray wool, light gray wool, cyan wool, purple wool, blue wool, brown wool, green wool, red wool, black wool, terracotta, white terracotta, orange terracotta, magenta terracotta, light blue terracotta, yellow terracotta, lime terracotta, pink terracotta, gray terracotta, light gray terracotta, cyan terracotta, purple terracotta, blue terracotta, brown terracotta, green terracotta, red, terracotta, black terracotta, white glazed terracotta, orange glazed terracotta, magenta glazed terracotta, light blue glazed terracotta, yellow glazed terracotta, lime glazed terracotta, pink glazed terracotta, gray glazed terracotta, silver glazed terracotta, cyan glazed terracotta, purple glazed terracotta, blue glazed terracotta, brown glazed terracotta, green glazed terracotta, red glazed terracotta, black glazed terracotta, white concrete powder, orange concrete powder, magenta concrete powder, light blue concrete powder, yellow concrete powder, lime concrete powder, pink concrete powder, gray concrete powder, light gray concrete powder, cyan concrete powder, purple concrete powder, blue concrete powder, brown concrete powder, green concrete powder, red concrete powder, black concrete powder, white concrete, orange concrete, magenta concrete, light blue concrete, yellow concrete, lime concrete, pink concrete, gray concrete, light gray concrete, cyan concrete, purple concrete, blue concrete, brown concrete, green concrete, red concrete, black concrete, white carpet, orange carpet, magenta carpet, light blue carpet, yellow carpet, lime carpet, pink carpet, gray carpet, light gray carpet, cyan carpet, purple carpet, blue carpet, brown carpet, green carpet, red carpet, black carpet, glass, glass pane, white stained glass, orange stained glass, magenta stained glass, light blue stained glass, yellow stained glass, lime stained glass, pink stained glass, gray stained glass, light gray stained glass, cyan stained glass, purple stained glass, blue stained glass, brown stained glass, green stained glass, red stained glass, black stained glass, white stained glass pane, orange stained glass pane, magenta stained glass pane, light blue stained glass pane, yellow stained glass pane, lime stained glass pane, pink stained glass pane, gray stained glass pane, light gray stained glass pane, cyan stained glass pane, purple stained glass pane, blue stained glass pane, brown stained glass pane, green stained glass pane, red stained glass pane, black stained glass pane, prismarine, prismarine bricks, dark prismarine, white shulker box, orange shulker box, magenta shulker box, light blue shulker box, yellow shulker box, lime shulker box, pink shulker box, gray shulker box, light gray shulker box, cyan shulker box, purple shulker box, blue shulker box, brown shulker box, green shulker box, red shulker box, black, banner, banner attached to a wall, barrier block, ancient debris, block of netherite, basalt, blackstone, blackstone slabs, blackstone stairs, blackstone wall, chiseled polished blackstone, chiseled nether bricks, cracked nether bricks, cracked polished blackstone bricks, crimson button, crimson door, chain, crimson fence, crimson fence gate, crimson hyphae, crimson fungus, crimson nylium, crimson planks, crimson pressure plate, crimson roots, crimson sign (on wall and on floor), crimson slabs, crimson stairs, crimson stem, crimson trapdoor, crying obsidian, gilded blackstone, loadstone, nether gold ore, nether sprouts, polished basalt, polished blackstone, polished blackstone brick slab, polished blackstone brick stairs, polished blackstone brick wall, polished blackstone bricks, polished blackstone button, polished blackstone pressure plate, polished blackstone wall, quartz bricks, respawn anchor, shroomlight, soul campfire, soul fire, soul lantern, soul torch, soul soil, striped crimson hyphae, striped crimson stem, striped warped hyphae, striped warped stem, target block, twisting vines, warped door, warped button, warped fence, warped fence gate, warped fungus, warped fungus on a stick

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.

Did you just think that you could fucking fool me with that comment of yours? I've searched your name up in the Navy SEAL database and you have never even graduated BUD/S, hell, even served in the Armed Forces. If you were actually a Navy SEAL, then you actually know how to spell guerrilla, you fucking moron. And you say you are the top sniper in the entire US Armed Forces and have over 300 confirmed kills. If that were true, then why the fuck is Chris Kyle a household name and you aren't? And plus he only had 160 kills. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. Plus why the fuck would you say you have a secret network of spies yet you just revealed that you had your secret network of spies? Are you a fucking idiot? If you can kill someone seven-hundred different ways, then list them all, I bet you can't even come up with seven. And if you had access to the entire US Marine Corps arsenal, then why the fuck did you just say you were in the Navy SEALs earlier? If only you could have done your research prior to posting your little “clever” comment, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you goddamn idiot.