Latest Copypastas

Hey guys Saltarian here, just want to let chat know that in order to survive I need to Feast upon the salt energy that kripp produces upon experiencing a long bout of bad luck. So please snipe and emote him in ways that will evoke his true salt essence. with enough salt I will take control of his scrawny vegan body and I will give chat what they have been waiting for all along...

I saw Kripp at the tavern yesterday. I told him it would be cool to see him play arena again. He said, “Why, so you can snipe me at 8 wins?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I thought he was going for a brofist, so I extended my hand only to have it slapped away in disgust. Later on I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen murlocs in his hands without paying.

The year is 20XX. Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith. No longer are matches decided through complex inputs and tactics. It began when some questioned the idea of matchups against characters. The community realized that gameplay no longer mattered, and only the character. Tournaments became complex games of rock-paper-scissors, and eventually another epiphany was had. Why bother with deciding afterwards and wasting time when the match could be decided before it began? Thus, referees decided who won and who lost automatically using a combination of facial recognition AI, mandatory reflex tests, and standardized quizzes and tests on military tactics and stratagem. With time, tests weren't even needed. Judges became so acute at deciding who won and who lost that tournaments happened in seconds, and results uploaded in less. The final destination was reached. Babies were bred and engineered to become the most desirable "players", if one could call it that. Soon, humanity ceased to think, and became mindless slaves to the autonomous ones and zeroes that decided their worth, ironically becoming the machines they once played with.

So lit mobile just sent me this solar wireless battery pack, I'm excited, lets see whats inside. I really like the build its got really nice grips on the side, its shock proof, and water resistant. The power bank has 20,000 milliamps which can fully charge your phone up to eight times. Its also got a convenient loop for carrying. on the back of the device we have a bunch of solar panels which can charge the battery bank in about 60 minutes. On the top of the device, there are 3 usb ports and 2 of them are fast charging. If you hit the power button 2 times, the led light comes on. If you hit the power button once, the led lights will tell you how much battery you have. There's a micro usb port on the side for fast charging. My favorite part of this device is that it charges my phone wirelessly. there's a red light indicator at the top to let you know that your phone is charging.

Thanks for listening to Spotify. No, really. You could've listened to the radio. You could've spun some vinyl. You could've played a cassette tape. You could've listened to an eight track tape, if you knew what an eight track tape looked like. But you listened to Spotify. Thanks for that. And you still have hundreds of more playlists to enjoy

Hi Kripp, this is Hungrybox's mom. I noticed you are in need of a "comeback" you keep screaming about how "unlucky: and how "unfair" your little game is. Maybe Your moves are a little off because you are hungry. I think you should take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and think how it would feel if you ate some CAMPBELL'S CHUNKY SOUP. Its made with your favorite ingredient: Salt.

Hungrybox is in need of a MAJOR comeback! I got you, son! Mom? hit noises ding Yes! Amazing! A surprise save from Hungrybox’s….mother? Your moves were a little bit off son, you must be hungry. Fuel up on Campbell’s® Chunky® Soup. Thanks Mom. Now, let’s smash this noob!

I woke up this morning ready to play some LoL. I went to the toilet and did my business like every day before making some green tea. I sat at my PC ready to play but then I had the thought: maybe I should check what's on Twitch. That was 8 hours ago and now I can't stop staring at Sneaky's sexy face.

I sleep with your stream on every night. I used to be married, you know? She left because she can't stand your voice. I chose you. I'll always choose you, because if I can't have kids with the love of my life, at least I'll have a baby to listen to every night. BabyRage

So you're going by "X Æ A-12" now nerd? Haha whats up loony, it's Tanner from Mars. Remember me? Me and the Martians used to give you a hard time in terraforming facility. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember L Æ LA-3 the girl you had a crush on? Yeah we're married now. I make over 200k a year and fly a reusable space rocket. I guess some things never change huh Earthling? Nice catching up lol. Pathetic..

An MR-RL time. Me and Marc Rutzou. Me and fucking Marc Rutzou. That's fucking right. I skipped 1:13. I am a fucking legend. I've never SEEN a 1:13 and I never fucking will. 1:12 baby. Til the day I fucking die. YES!!! Bout time I get a fucking lucky break in this fucking game. MotherFUCKERS! And I CLUTCHED the goddamn grenade launcher. That's FUCKING right. Yeah it's this one. Right here IT'S THIS ONE! My insane pace. Right here! THIS is the 1:12. Right here. YES!!! It's fucking it. I'mma have to jus - I'mma have to find the actual whole vid of it and I'mma have to get it. DUUUUUUUDE WHAT A RUSH! WHAT A RUUUUUUSH! Watch this. Watch when I get the grenade launcher. (sorry) Look at that. See how fast my pace is? Right in the FUCKING HEAD!!! YEEEAAAHHH! Got a FUCKING 1:12 baby. That's RIGHT! You see that CLUTCHNESS? I AM FUCKING CCC-LUTCH! Look at this fucking line I take. I'm like, YEAH baby. Let's fucking DO this. I wait I wait I wait... Right when he starts firing to try to backboost me. The double. Body armor. Two quick ones. I already know I'm gettin' there on the perfect line. LOOK AT THE FUCKING PACE! FIFTY! FOURTY-NINE! MWH FOURTY-SEVEN BABY! That's FUCKING right. That's FUCKING IT! Fucking PUMPED watching this one again. I waited the cinema too 'cause i said oh my God it might be 1:12. And it FUCKING IS!!! IT FUCKING IS baby. YEAH!!! Look at me typing you guys. You guys didn't believe me. I am typing a storm. Dude I FUCKING just got Streets 1:12! It's not fucking comin' off. YES!!! I FUCKING DID IT THAT'S RIGHT! I SKIPPED 1:13 I'M A LEGEND. I AM A FUCKING LEGEND. I'm a FUCKING legend. (YES!) I am a fucking legend.

I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill myself and take that goddamn rodent to hell with me. Stuart Little has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable mouse in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking rat gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the mousefucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Stuart. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.

JPOW was casually eating dinner with his wife and kids for Mother’s Day.. opened his investing.com app.. saw futures were red.. stopped mid dinner and folded his napkin.. headed to the basement.. fired up his money printers.. all why murming I’ll get these bears.. his wife yelled down and asked if he wanted dessert.. he didn’t even answer (and he loves dessert)

I hate you Hikaru. I hate how you wear the freshest clothes, eats at the chillest restaurants, and hangs out with the hottest dudes. You are pathetic lol. I wish I was GEE EMM