I used to be a real ad
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Kripp found dead

twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Art of Conquest is my favorite game!

twitchquotes: Art of Conquest is my favorite game! (Thanks for agreeing to post some positive feedback about our game. Just post this in Kripp's Twitch chat as often as possible. Make sure to remove this message before you post it. Thanks! -Art of Conquest Team)
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

sellout

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Trolling My Office With Among Us (Part 7)

After we threw Liam out the window, I decided to call another emergency meeting. “Chad sus!1!1!!1 He’s the SUSSY VERY IMPOSTER!” I said. They all asked why Chad was sus. I said it was because his name is Chad. They all agreed so we ejected him. I was naruto running around the office when Adam stopped me and said “Why are you running?” OH MY FUCK DID HE JUST SAY THE FUNNY UGANDAN MEME? SPIT ON HIM BROTHERS. I spit on Adam and I pulled down my pants and pissed on him. He ran away screaming and everybody looked at me. I pulled my pants up.“ Adam sus. He’s screaming.” Everyone nodded and we ejected Adam. My son came out of the elevator even though it was take your kid to work day and he was supposed to be on the bottom floor, not up here on the 3rd floor! So I said “Son, what the fuck nugget wholesome keanu reeves are you doing here?” He closed the elevator door and I think he went to the first floor. I tried pissing on the elevator door in hopes that it would malfunction it but I don’t think it worked. That stupid little bastard. So I got in the elevator when it came back up and went to the first floor. I looked around but couldn’t find him. I pulled one of the kids up by her shirt and said “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHILD?” She was screaming and I threw her away. I stomped down the hallways trying to look for him but I couldn’t find him. “This is not a fortnite minecraft roblox 100 wholesome keanu reeves chungus Amogus moment. That’s pretty sus.” All the coworkers were looking at me in terror. I went out back and searched in the dumpster to see if I could yet again try to find a weapon to kill all the people there. I already got rid of Chad, Adam and Liam so everyone else could easily be disposed of.
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Trolling with Among Us

I bet with Betway CSGO

twitchquotes: I've been there since the beginning. Every map, every frag, every moment. I run but I never hide. With knowledge comes power, and power is to be wielded wisely. Which is why, as the expert, I bet with Betway. If you know CS:GO, then you know the best way to bet on e-sports, is with Betway. For the love of the game.
twitch chat
October 2019

CSGO

You see, I have a very high IQ

twitchquotes: You see, I have a very high IQ. Do you want to know why? Well, I'll tell you anyways, I have a high IQ because I watch this amazing television show (which to my surprise piqued my interest unlike many other television shows) Rick and Morty. This show is remarkably intellectual (Like me, mind you) and not like any other animated shows. My most favorite joke from the show is "WUBALUBADUBDUB" it makes me giddy inside and knowing the common folk wont understand the joke makes me laugh even harder!
twitch chat
March 2019

Rick and Morty

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

I need the 2-3 police here right away

twitchquotes: ╰(”◕﹏◕”)つ hello 2-3 police, i need you here right away, its an emergency ╰(”◕﹏◕”)つ
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp

My husband is the moderator for a few different subreddits, and he genuinely thinks it’s a job

my husband refuses to look for a job even though I think it would be good for him (And we could use the additional income), but he just says he’s, “got too much on his plate already”. That being monitoring these stupid subreddits. And Everytime I bring it up he claims what he’s doing is unpaid labor similar to that of a homemaker. But he doesn’t clean or cook or do any of that the way he used to. He just monitors his stupid subreddits. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I want to leave him because I believe I may not be able to reach him.
November 2021

Reddit

MODS

Where were you when TL beat Invictus fucking Gaming

twitchquotes: Where were you when TL beat Invictus fucking Gaming, the reigning World Champions, 3-1? This series is going down in history. No one will ever dare to call NA a wildcard region again. It's not just C9 anymore, the gap is closed. 8 years of being memed as a 4fun region, 8 years of people laughing at Doublelift being an international choker, enough is enough. We poked this monster too much, it finally got pissed, woke up, and it's fucking hungry.
twitch chat
May 2019
Riot Games

League of Legends

Hello Kripp, this is Optimus Prime

twitchquotes: Hello Kripp this is Optimus Prime responding to your encoded message. We are not interested in pouring our self in OJ while Topdecking Dongers. Please be advise that anymore beeping will leave me no choice but to pepperoni the Nazi mods.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Think of the saltwater fish

twitchquotes: ( ° ͜ʖ͡°) Hey Kripp, Marine Biologist Gilbin Pastarino here. I come to you on behald of all the salt water creatures of the world as your body seems to have absorbed 99% of the oceans salt. Please thinkerino of the poor fisheroni. Thanks
twitch chat
December 2014
Reynad
I used to be a real ad

May I, a woman respecting and feminist-supportive male

May I, a woman respecting and feminist-supportive male, see at least one breast from you my queen? I do not mean to come on as an improper male, and if this request disturbs you, please make me aware. You, my queen, deserve the utmost respect of any female. However, many of my gender seem to sexualize women and view them as sex toys. However, my Queen, I do not share these views. Rather, I value the female spectrum of the human race as the superior, and I, a respectful male, request for the viewing of an isolated, singular breast from your body. I await your response my Queen.
May 2021

Simps

Joe Biden eat hot chip and lie

twitchquotes: He lets out a sigh and then a plastic smile. “Under the Biden administration,” he says, carefully “There will be a few new rules. It will be forbidden to cook,” The crowd gasps. “Everyone will have to eat McDonalds,” Jill hangs her head in shame. “You may have to charge your phone. You may have to twerk. Hell, you may even have to be bisexual.” An uproar starts in the crowd, but Biden ushers a silence with his next words “But it will all be worth it when we as a people can eat hot chip and lie. Thank you.” Biden leaves the podium to a thunderous applause. America is saved.
twitch chat
November 2020

Bring us Forsen here and now

twitchquotes: ༼ ºل͟º ༽ Magic forces black and white. Reaching out through space and light. A perfect man I summon now. Another way I don't know how. Bring him now into the light. Be he far or be he near. Bring us the Forsen here and now. ༼ ºل͟º ༽
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen

Petition to fly Kripp down to Houston

twitchquotes: I am starting a petition to fly Kripp down to Houston to aid in the Hurricane Harvey relief effort. The unprecedented levels of PJSalt that spew from his mouth will reduce the water levels by at least 75%. One copy pasterino = 1 prayer BlessRNG
twitch chat
September 2017
Kripp

Use this 👌 if you disagree for the banning of this 👌

twitchquotes: Use this 👌 if you disagree for the banning of this 👌 on Overwatch and other e-sports. It’s the okay sign for god’s sake. And it means 9 in sign language. 👌
twitch chat
April 2019
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Chinese characters wave

twitchquotes: 厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半
twitch chat
May 2020

Navy Seals Copypasta in Yoda Language

You just fucking say about me what the fuck did, you little bitch? Graduated top of my class in the navy seals I have, and involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda I've been, over 300 confirmed kills and I have. Trained in gorilla warfare and the top sniper in the entire us armed forces I am. Hing to me but just another target you are not. Never been seen before on this earth. Wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has, I will, mark my fucking words. You can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet you think? Again think, fucker. Contacting my secret network of spies across the USA I am, and being traced right now your IP is. So prepare for the storm as we speak, you better ,maggot. Your life the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call. Fucking dead, you are, kid. Anywhere I can be, anytime, and kill you in over seven hundred ways, I can , and with my bare hands ,that's just . Extensively trained in unarmed combat not only am I, access to the entire arsenal of the united states marine corps, I also have, and use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, I will, you little shit. Known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you if only you could have. Held your fucking tongue maybe you would have. But you couldn't, you didn't, the price and now you're paying, you goddamn idiot. shit fury all over you, I will and drown in it, you will. Fucking dead, you are kiddo.
December 2020

Navy Seal

i’ll have you know that i make over 6 figures

twitchquotes: sorry bud, i don’t have time to be in a little fictional world like you do. i’ll have you know that i make over 6 figures a year and live in a house with 4 bathrooms....and that’s not even including my investments....
twitch chat
April 2019

Jeff from History class last semester

twitchquotes: Hey, kripp! What's up, man? It's Jeff from History class from last semester. I didn't know you were some kind of famous celebrity hahahaha. Hit me up, man. Btw, did you ever hook up with Brian? He was a T H I C C boy. xD You are such a dog. It's cool to see you again. Hit me up sometime!
twitch chat
May 2017
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

Travis Scott Burger

I have a theory about the Travis Scott burger. I think it’s a sham. It’s all a multi million dollar misinformation campaign. McDonalds has been hurting for a new supply of beef due to the Covid 19 pandemic. With all of the meat processing plant closures, they had to look elsewhere to get their precious beef for the ever so hungry American. They needed a new supplier. This has to be nobody other than Travis Scott. You see, since marrying Kylie Jenner, he had access to all of her cosmetic company’s animal testing plants. It was easy for Travis to get ahold of meat... it was too easy. Travis knew McDonalds was desperate for new meat, so he struck while the iron was hot. Through a swift negotiation, he had the multi billion dollars corporation by the balls, the sweet sweet balls. Travis agreed to supply them with the meat, only he lead them to believe it was coming from cows when in reality he was harvesting the animals from the animal cosmetic testing lab. In exchange, he got his name on the McDonalds menu. All for what? Now you may be wondering how I came across this info. And you may be wondering who sent you this information. It was Cactus Jack. Cactus Jack sent this info.
October 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing