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Every game is equally pointless

twitchquotes: Every game is equally pointless. You can't put this *** on a resume or anything, so what does it matter if you play online chess or LoL? Unless you're a professional and making mad cash off the game, it doesn't matter what you play.
twitch chat
August 2014
Kripp

I tried to go help

Damn saw this one guy getting beat up by 2 other dudes today so I tried to go help, didn’t stand a chance against the 3 of us.
March 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

So last weekend I was walking in WalMart and saw Trump

twitchquotes: So last weekend I was walking in WalMart and saw Trump... which was pretty cool. I was wondering why he was in the "woman's hygeine" section of the store.... He caught on to what I was thinking and held up some tampons. "For my girlfriend", he said, giggling nervously. But he doesn't have a GF. I think they were for HIM!
twitch chat
October 2014
Trump

We can't blame market

To be fair "but I poop from there" wasn't an explicit "no". We can't blame market for doing what it did.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Dong Pegachino with the Dongerinos

twitchquotes: ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ Hello Kripp, my name is Dong Pegachino with the Dongerinos. ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ We're gonna need some "Insurance money" or we're gonna break off your legs and cut off your dongerino. Pls no copy pasterino my frappuchino
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
What happened to this ad? :(

When Tim Hortons... all becoming Canada

twitchquotes: when tim hortons, my hand automatically go to the maple glazed. i dip the doughnuterinos and feel i have sex with the hockey, all becoming canada eh?  sorry
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

Based

"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?
March 2021

Your kids and your brofisting

twitchquotes: Hello Octavian, Bobby Smith's mother here. I noticed more blood in Bobby's underwear doing his laundry this week. You kids and your brofisting!
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

I want to have a decent chat experience Kappa

twitchquotes: Listen I just want to be in Kripp chat and have a decent experience I just want to be able to discuss the game and better myself as a person like a good chat would let me do can we all just calm down please no copy pasterino jalepeno linguini fettucinni alfredo
twitch chat
August 2014
Kripp

Dear Kripparian, how dare you

twitchquotes: Dear Kripparian, how dare you... I have dedicated my life to Hearthstone. I am a proud Hearthstoner and so are the rest of your fans. You cannot betray us and start playing a Hearthstone competitor. I can fall asleep to your HS streams because of how casual it is, but this game is too complicated and it keeps me awake. If you betray us we will rise up, you have been warned.
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Shalom my fellow Twitchlings

twitchquotes: Shalom my fellow Twitchlings. My name is Herschel Goldstein, I hail from the ancient land of Israel. In this world there are two superior races: the valiant Japanese and the God-fearing Jews. When I met the great Kripp at Blizzcon 2013, he gave me a piece of advice that I will never forget: "Pentru a da oul omului, îl hrănești pentru o zi. Om învățat de ouă, îl va hrăni pentru o viață întreagă." Translated into foreign devil talk: I am coming Yankee scum. Get on board or get out of the way."
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

This is Catarrian's mother

twitchquotes: Hello Octavian, this is the Catarrian's mother. I am writing to in human words because the Catarrian feels he has been mistreated. He tells me "meow" which means that he feels you are not giving him enough stream time. And he also said "Nyaa," which means you better pet the Catarrian
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Kill cummand face, huntard hardest deck in the game

twitchquotes: reynad is deep in thought. 'do i play my overpowered dog card now or later?'. he makes the misplay but it doesn't matter. he kill cummands the face. hardest deck in the game.
twitch chat
April 2014
Reynad

Maya's mod responds to Miz and Maya break up

I wish I could say I didn't see this coming but...sigh..I definitely did. To many people not in the loop it may have come as a shock. They certainly LOOKED like a happy couple, but when you've been a twitch mod for as long as I have...you notice certain things. As Maya's head mod and commandant in charge of holding off weirdos I could tell very clearly that something was up. The way she acted on stream, her general atmosphere, twas as if a beautiful chrysanthemum was being oppressed by a violent and balding Gardner. Someone who had not the faintest idea how to look after beautiful flowers. But the time has come, the thorns and nature hath come to wreak havok. At the moment a plan is being drafted by me and the sub mods to find her a new boyfriend who is fit to properly look after her. Naturally I will be taking the temporary (and maybe permanent if all goes to plan 😉) role of boyfriend/guardian. But while I reveal my plans and provide you all a mere glimpse at the machinations set in motion by this breakup I must warn you... BACK OFF... This is not your fight, you have no idea who you are dealing with. If you come after her now without going through the necessary protocols then I won't be able to control myself. There is a reason I would never show myself on stream or play among us. There is a side to the top twitch dog that you don't wanna know about. These fangs are here for a reason, don't. Make me. Use them.
September 2021
Maya

Simps

Just seen Biden in a hotel

twitchquotes: Just seen Biden in a hotel and I asked how he was feeling about the election. He laughed and winked at me, then grabbed me by the hair and dragged me into a toilet and spat in my mouth while whispering “count every vote” over and over in my ear. Make of that what you will.
twitch chat
November 2020

2020 US Election

I used to be a real ad

Monte Cristo's statement

twitchquotes: hello my fellow kappas my name is Kappastankapsterinocunnio, you could also call me monte cristo. voyboy is very gud in mid beddar than link and mid pack and mediorcre. i learn to spell from russian infantry 586. i hate regi cuz he monkey king and spews garbage and lies to all of my wrong doings. I jack off with clg hat in korea instead of coache mai team . voyboy is a sweet hart i wish we *** someteim i luv him. he *** my team in playoffs and i leik it all the time. enuff about voyboy more about kappa town. kappaccino koccino frappatino pls no copy pastarinocappaciino cocinai luv u all pjsaltyarion
twitch chat
August 2014
onGamers

Kripp this is Pornhub LLC

twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

See you in court

twitchquotes: Hello Kripp, this is Anne, just letting you know that the DNA test came back positive and I will be seeing you in court to get my child support. Oh and btw she is now 4 years old and asking where is daddy ***, either way see you in court..
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

I dropped my deck of playing cards

twitchquotes: ᴬ♥ ⁴♣ ³♥ ⁴♥ ¹⁰♣ ᴶ♠ ⁶♠ ᑫ♥ ⁸♦ ⁹♦ ⁴♠ ⁵♥ ᴷ♠ ⁵♣ ⁵♦ ²♦ ⁵♠ ᑫ♠ ³♠ ⁶♥ ▼ ⁶♣ ¹⁰♥ ⁶♦ I dropped my deck of playing cards ⁷♥ ᴬ♠ ⁷♣ ³♦ ᴷ♣ ⁷♦ ²♠ ⁷♠ ⁸♥ ²♣ ᴷ♥ ⁸♣ ⁴♦ ¹⁰♦ ⁸♠ ⁹♥ ᴬ♣ ⁹♣ ³♣ ⁹♠ ¹⁰♥ ¹⁰♦ ¹⁰♠ ᴶ♥ ᴬ♦ ²♥ ᴶ♣ ᴶ♦ ᑫ♣ ᑫ♦ ᴷ♦ ᴷ♠
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

Getting meme'd

twitchquotes: Kripp my friend bought your Stupid Lizard shirt and he told me he got meme'd! I can't believe you'd go out in the world and do that? Meme someone. I'll have you know my best dog was meme'd back in 'Nam. It ruined him. RIP dog
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing