Latest Copypastas

We know that "Not all lemons are yellow", as it has been assumed to be true. We know that "All lemons are yellow", as it has been assumed to be true. Therefore, the two-part statement "All lemons are yellow OR unicorns exist" must also be true, since the first part "All lemons are yellow" of the two-part statement is true (as this has been assumed). However, since we know that "Not all lemons are yellow" (as this has been assumed), the first part is false, and hence the second part must be true.

She sells seashells on a seashore But the value of these shells will fall Due to the laws of supply and demand No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity Shells will sell much better if the people think they're rare, you see Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island stockpile 'em high until they're rarer than a diamond Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em Really want 'em, really fuckin want 'em Hit 'em like Bronson Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven't got a shell then you're just a fucking waste man Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property, start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly ""Shells must sell"", that will be your new philosophy Swallow all your morals they're a poor man's quality Four: expand, expand, expand, clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand Five: why just shells? Why limit your self? She sells seashells, sell oil as well! Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks, sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes, Run to be the president of the United States Eight: big smile mate, big wave that's great Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate Nine: Polarize the people, controversy is the game It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name Ten: the world is yours, step out on a stage to a round of applause You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore And you sell seashells on the seashore.

Meanwhile in Call of Duty, true gamers laugh about Battlefield's primitive physics engine. Arma was an attempt by a failing Czech developer to make Call of Duty 'more realistic'. However due to the fact that Call of Duty was already as realistic as a video game can possibly be, they panicked. They made a shameless rip-off and slapped 'military simulator' on the front. True gamers are smart enough to know this, hence why Arma averages 67 on Metacritic, whereas Call of Duty averages 98-100. Call of Duty players laugh down at players of every other game, knowing they are Call of Duty rip-offs. Call of Duty is the most realistic video game with the most advanced engine. The world's leading video game scientists have confirmed this, so it isn't as much 'thinking' as it is 'knowing'. And Call of Duty can't possibly RIP those games off. Call of Duty was the first video game, so there wasn't anything for it to rip off.

Wait, these are PROFESSIONAL valorant players? I'm better than all of them and I'm in bronze. I purposely empty my vandal clip down to 1 bullet because I kill all my opponents with 1 tap ease. Tenz looks like he could use some lessons from me directly. I'm bronze by the way.

Sir, please abide by the Reddit amendments: • ⁠Big Chungus is funny • ⁠Keanu Reeves is the second coming of christ • ⁠Elon Musk is the third coming of Christ (as well as wholesome 100, he knows Reddit memes) • ⁠Fortnite is gay (gay = bad) • ⁠Females are dumb while men are cool • ⁠Nestle is the worst company ever (as well as the only bad company) • ⁠Minecraft is the best game ever made • ⁠No emojis allowed (except for 🗿 (yo angelo (it's funny because it's a Jojo reference (if you see someone commit a Jojo reference, you are legally forced to continue the reference chain, if you do not, you will be downvoted))) • ⁠Being downvoted means you're wrong, if you think you're being wrongfully downvoted, rethink your comment, and if you still think you were wrongfully downvoted, rethink your comment until you understand what you did wrong • ⁠Reddit is the best social media Until I have seen major improvements in your behavior, your post will be awarded one downvote (aka Australia upvote, it's funny because Australia is on the opposite side of the globe compared to Europe and America, lol). This is your first and final warning, if you do not abide by these amendments in the future, everyone will dislike that.

I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed: • ⁠A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight • ⁠A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor • ⁠They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name) • ⁠One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns • ⁠The receptionist threw nail polish at an elderly man • ⁠The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life" • ⁠The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos • ⁠The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy) • ⁠During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free

Sleeping naked is a power move anyways. • ⁠Burglar breaks in boom I’m up and naked. He’s too distracted trying to determine if I’m a man or woman because of my massive bush to notice me reaching for my glock fawty. ⁠• ⁠When I pee or poop in my sleep from the nightmares I don’t get any clothes dirty just the sheets. • ⁠Save money on not having to run an AC in the summer time so I can buy my wife more lingerie for her boyfriend to appreciate.

Gru abruptly turned around to survey the restaurant, and barked out an order to the minions. "Vring him here! To zhat table!" Gru barked as he pointed at a large, empty table. The minions babbled and seized Spongebob and hoisted him to his feet before throwing him down on the table. Gru had grabbed some rope in the struggle and bent over Spongebob's body, putting his full weight on Spongebob. His crotch prodded against Spongebob's stomach and a curious sensation was being aroused in Spongebob. Gru tied the rope to the table, and around Spongebob's arms. Before long, Spongebob was restrained to the table by all his limbs. Gru stepped back to observe Spongebob and to ensure that he wasn't going to escape from his restraints. The minions eagerly crowded around Gru's legs and babbled excitedly. Gru's hands moved down towards his pants and started to unbuckle his belt. Spongebob's eyes widened and he started thrashing and screaming for help, help that was never going to come. As he was struggling against his restraints, Spongebob's eyes met Squidward's and he had also started desperately trying to free himself. His screaming was muffled against the gag and tears had started streaming down his face again. Gru's pants were now around his ankles, and his penis now bulged against his thin underwear. A bush of pubic hair faintly curled outside of his briefs. His eyes had never once left Spongebob's still thankfully covered lower half. Almost as if he read Spongebob's mind, Gru suddenly stepped forward and quickly ripped Spongebob's underwear in half. He had moved so fast that Spongebob didn't have time to scream before Gru slapped his hands over Spongebob's mouth. Gru groaned and grinded his body against Spongebob's, now naked, completely exposed and tied up. Spongebob whimpered as Gru put his lips next to Spongebob's ear. He licked his earlobe and breathed heavily, as he grinded his dick harder against Spongebob's tiny body. "So hot and tight, aren't you?" Gru moaned huskily. "You a virgin?" Gru asked, leaning back to see Spongebob's face. An evil grin slowly spread across Gru's face at Spongebob's lack of response.1 "Oh ho ho ho, is it my birthday?" Gru chuckled darkly. Spongebob cringed and began to cry harder. Was this how he was going tolose his virginity? He had always dreamed of losing it to Squidward, as his tentacly arms held Spongebob and sweetly, gently, made love to Spongebob. Now this strange man and these creatures were going to...rape him? This couldn't be happening. The minions had been watching Gru and Spongebob, completely enraptured. Their eyes were wide with wonder and some of them had hands down their pants, playing with themselves. Soft little moans arose from some of their mouths. Gru lowered his face to Spongebob's groin, and smiled up at him. "I'm feeling generous, little sponge. I'll suck you dry, don't vorry." Gru said lustfully. Gru took Spongebob's little cock into his mouth and began sucking. He could taste the burgers Spongebob the Slut ate all day long. Spongebob whined, but those whines slowly changed to moans as Gru began running his tongue across the tip of his cock. A knot began forming in Spongebob's stomach and his cock began twitching. Gru smiled, still with Spongebob's cock down his throat. Spongebob moaned as burger juice shot down Gru's moist throat. Spongebob felt like he was in heaven. Gru drew his mouth away and strings of burger juice connected his mouth to Spongebob's slimy, half-erect cock. Gru suddenly forced Spongebob's mouth open and spat out the remaining cum directly into his mouth. "Taste your cum, leetle sponge." Gru smirked evilly. Spongebob's eyes widened as Gru forced his mouth shut and forced him to swallow it. Tears welled in Spongebob's eyes as the sour burger-juice taste of his cum went down his throat. Gru released Spongebob's mouth and stepped backwards. He started taking his underwear off, and his 40-inch cock was released from its cage. Spongebob's eyes almost popped out of his sockets.

Spongebob, you are my new sex toy. I’m so happy I finally came to terms with this little problem and am now ready to do what every good boy needs. I want to be Sigmabob Grindpants. I want to rub my erect penis against your tiny head until you’re drenched with my cum, and I want your tight little body to be the only place I’ll cum. I want to use you and abuse you, and then use you some more. Your life belongs to me now. You will not leave me again. I want to feel you suck me, your wet, warm tongue sliding all over my shaft. I want to hold you down, tie you to a chair with your legs spread, and fuck you harder and faster than I’ve ever fucked my own mother. I want to watch you squirm as I push you into your own little corner of hell. If you are willing, I will give you the cock of your dreams. If you are not, you’ll watch as I cut you and play with your cum like it’s my very own porno. You will never feel comfortable in your own skin again. You will live, breathe, and die with me. I own you, Spongebob! I own you. I own you. I own you.

The exact moment I knew I was gay is when I first started watching SpongeBob. I didn't know what it was about him that made me want him so badly, but every time an episode came on my dick became rock solid. I knew I wanted to do more than merely watch this sponge. I wanted to fuck his tight little juicy asshole. For years, I dreamed of pounding him from behind and filling him with my cum and watching it drip out of his pores. However, no matter how many times I choked my chicken to the mere thought of him, my lust for this sexy succulent sea sponge could not be satisfied. I tried everything, body pillows, dolls, even hiring a prostitute to dress up in a SpongeBob costume and suck my cock. Nothing was good enough. So, I made it my number one goal to create a hyper-realistic SpongeBob sex doll, so my fantasies could finally be brought to life. No longer will those who also have a unquenchable thirst for Mr. SquarePants have to dream of releasing their sticky seed inside of his anal cavity, for they can now enjoy the real thing. But, creating this sex doll would not be an easy task, and this I knew. That's why I need your help to fund this Kickstarter. For donating $20, you get a T-shirt that says "I'm gay for SpongeBob SquarePants." For $40, you get the shirt and a coffee cup decorated with the finest SpongeBob rule 34. For $60, you get SpongeBob anal beads. For $100, you get a SpongeBob fleshlight that you can jizz in or whatever, plus all the other shit. Anything less than $20, and I'll just cum in a shoe box and mail it to your door, because fuck you I don't need your peasant change. I would like to make the world a better place with this SpongeBob sex doll, because I believe that everyone deserves the right to stick their dick in a fictional sponge from a kid's show.

I want to fuck Spongebob. I want to slide my semen hose into every dispersed crevice and hole of his ripe yellow dermis. I want him to crush my cock and balls against my will until they’re just as pendulous and flabby as his succulent sponge-skin. I want him to forcefully suck me off with his moist yellow cavities as I’m held down by Mr. Krab’s razor sharp sex-talons. If only he would role-play as Sigmabob Grindpants so I could grind my pathetic little cum drizzled fuck-sausage against his shorts, my life would be complete.

o-o-owo swenpai pweasey weasy cwan i bwe punished? (•ω•) pwease sway wes im hworny ;3 i want-want ywou to gwo h-hard and f-f-f-f-f-fast....ah~ >/////< oh sweet mwother owf onii-chan.....AH~ it hwurts swenpai :( but i wove it ;3

In the 2002 TV film "It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie", there's a part where an angel shows Kermit an alrernate reality where he was never born. For whatever reason, the editors didn't really think about it, and continued to use footage with the twin towers still standing for this scene; however, they aren't there in his original universe. Therefore, something that Kermit did in his life, did in fact cause 9/11 in Muppet lore.

I get the whole meme thing, right? Like the whole meme, meming thing? But like, to be the person sitting in chat and going "C- uh, c v, paste..." 5 seconds later, "Hehe, c v, paste! Hehe! Oh, I got someone else copying and pasting the same thing that I did so c v, paste again! Paste it, paste it all day! Oh, theres four or five that are pasting the same thing! Hehe, I got- I should start my own website of spammers! C v, copy paste!" Like- I can't imagine.. h- like the brain sitting in that head.

At least you have the fucking balls to say it. Like in Valorant in the voice chat if you call someone a retard for being trash at the game and not using a mic, and he's a Russian player, you're "banned". Nevermind that the race of the player exists independently from how trash he is at the game. Obviously not all Russians have no mic, (correlation/causation), but this "all players are equal" political correctness bullshit is making it impossible for Valorant players to solve a problem they cannot discuss.

To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday: I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a “bukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling “ETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

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Stop calling slabs "half-slabs," you fucking imbeciles. A slab is half a block. If you say "half-slab," you're literally saying "half half block," or in other words, "quarter-block." A slab is not a quarter of a block. It is a half of a block. There is no such thing as a quarter block.