I used to be a real ad
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ACHOO uh oh you just got the Delta variant!

ACHOO‼️🤧🤧What was that⁉️⁉️😏😏Uh-oh 😯 looks like you just got 👀👀 the Delta variant! 🙀😜😜 Don’t you know 🇺🇸⁉️🤢🤕🤒🤤 the world 🌍 HOE Organization 🙈👅 called it the most DOMINANT 👊🏼👊🏼 strain since the start of the 🗓 PANTIE-DEMIC 👄👌👈 No more touching daddy 😩😩 🧓🏼 until you wash 🧽🧽your dirty 🐾nasty 🤢 little 🤞🏼fingers ✋🏻🤚🏻✋🏻🤚🏻for 6️⃣9️⃣ seconds with sHOEp 🧼 and water 💧 👅 otherwise it doesn’t count 🤡🤡🤡 Time to stop 🛑 spreading the germs 🤮🥴🤒and start spreading 😧your legs🤤🦶🏽🦵🏻because everyone 👩‍🦰👨‍🏫🦹🏾‍♂️🧜🏼‍♂️has to keep TWERKING 😈😈from home! 🏡 SEND THIS TO 1️⃣0️⃣ other coronavirus cucks 👉🏾👌🏻otherwise Fuckboy Fauci 🙀🙀 is cumming for you 🍆🍑🍆
August 2021

Emoji Pasta

Coronavirus

COVID

Oh so I’m a simp?

twitchquotes: Oh so I’m a simp? Complimenting women on Twitter makes me a simp? Supporting woman with a $99.99 subscription to her onlyfans makes me a simp? Visiting her and getting arrested makes me a simp? You’re right. It does make me a simp. (S)uper (I)ncredible (M)an (P)
twitch chat
April 2020

Simps

What happened to this ad? :(

Scraggly vegan is the only one left

twitchquotes: BOB “You’re doing GREAT out there!” I exclaim with as much enthusiasm as I can this late in the day. The scraggly vegan is the only one left in the tavern, his attention focused entirely on the card game we put out to entertain children and toddlers. “I don’t wanna talk about it guys” cries the man, knocking his cup of vegan water over. I try to reassure him that everyone has bad luck now and then, but he just ignores me, as always. This tavern attracts some strange types indeed.
twitch chat
December 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Todd Howard Fallout 76 announcement

twitchquotes: Hey, gamers. It's me, Todd Howard with an important announcement. Fallout 76 was all an early April Fools' joke. To help us release the REAL game, Fallout: New Vegas 2, all I need is your credit card number, the expiration month and year, and the three digits on the back.
twitch chat
November 2018

HYDRA SUMMONING SPELL

twitchquotes: THIS IS THE SUMMONING SPELL HandsUp FOR THE HYDRA DEEK OF HELL HandsUp ONE WEEB MUST BE SACRIFICED HandsUp FOR THE HYDRA DEEK TO RISE HandsUp OH MIGHTY HYDRA I SING YOUR SONG HandsUp MAY YOU GROW BIG AND LONG HandsUp
twitch chat
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(

Trump Biden fanfic

Trump wins the election by one vote. He tries to find out who the last vote was. It was Biden. He then says to Biden “after all this you still voted for me?” Trump then changes his vote to Biden which then makes it a tie. They both get very emotional. Biden then leans in and makes out with trump on national television. They run away and live the rest of their lives together. Which leaves Kanye west as the 46th president of the United States.
November 2020

2020 US Election

Response to Pokimane's tease that she might leave Twitch

tare you kidding me? i spent so much money on you, tier 3 every month and you’re not even going to be on Twitch anymore? this is unjust! not to mention the countless channel points ive collected to redeem on POKI stickers and maybe even more! ResidentSleeper, L streamer.
February 2022
Pokimane

Hot Twitch streamers are just not good for my health

Her streams are just not good for my health. She is so hot I skip every stage and go straight to post nut clarity, then I get a deep feeling of loneliness and dread. I just don't know what to do with myself and everything seems pointless.
December 2021

Coomer

Saying that the Easter Bunny does not orgasm with every egg laid is considered blasphemy and grounds for excommunication from the Church.

Weird fact: the Easter Bunny was the source of a significant amount of theological debate during the 1200's, as Catholic philosophers debated why God would create a creature in a constant state of labor (and thus suffering). The Catholic Church ultimately resolved this question by declaring that the Easter Bunny orgasmed every time it laid it an egg (which it was doing constantly). This is now codified in Canon Law (the legal code of the Catholic Church and much of Europe in the pre-modern era) and saying that the Easter Bunny does not orgasm with every egg laid is considered blasphemy and grounds for excommunication from the Church.
April 2022

Holiday

Easter

You have been gifted a Yep

twitchquotes: ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ You have been gifted a Yep . Type COCK to activate. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
twitch chat
July 2020
I used to be a real ad

We have you surrounded weeb

twitchquotes: NaM NaM ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ NaM AYAYA NaM ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ NaM NaM ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED, YOU FILTHY WEEB.
twitch chat
July 2019

I’m sick and tired of people stating that Hunter takes no skill

twitchquotes: I’m sick and tired of people stating that Hunter takes no skill. What about when you have to play Unleash and go face, or how about when you have to equip the bow and go face. Then there’s those times where you have to drop Wolfrider or Arcane Golum and go face. Seriously people just hate because they don't appreciate how hard it is to smash your head on the keyboard and still manage to click the arrow on your opponents Face. No Copy Pastachino Cappachino Postachio Mochachino Hunterino Pepperino Jelly Queeno
twitch chat
February 2015
Forsen

Watching Thijs in the bathroom

twitchquotes: Ahhh, my favorite part of the day. After lunch, a take a break from work, lock myself in the office bathroom pretending to take a dump while I watch my favorite streamer, Thijs. Just hope my boss doesn't come knocking, otherwise I'm fired...
twitch chat
September 2020
Thijs

thank you for slow mode

twitchquotes: thank you for slow mode. im an old man and chat scrolling so fast makes it hard to keep up. thank you again from a 56 year old veteran.
twitch chat
May 2019

i just love typing in chat K A P P A

twitchquotes: i just love typing in chat K A P P A it makes me feel so safe and good inside, its almost like eating Fruit Loops(TM) with sum good ass milk watching Dexter's Laboratory (Cartoon Network back when it was good) on a Sunday Morning back when my parents were still together, so I will now do it: Kappa
twitch chat
August 2019
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Kripp please lick your knee

twitchquotes: Please for the love of god Kripp just lick your goddam knee. I've been sitting here for 10 hours straight watching that boney *** knee of yours by your big lushous mouth. Please just fulfill this one wish I have and lick that sexy *** knee of yours so I can blow my creamy load all over myself and slowly fall into a deep sleep.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Lmao you call yourself a XQC fan? I’m fucking loaded on reddit accounts bro

Lmao you call yourself a XQC fan? I’m fucking loaded on reddit accounts bro. I practically control r/place, I’m that fucking powerful. Try talking in chat again when you’re a true fan...
April 2022
xQcOW

If Biden wins, I'm moving to Alaska

twitchquotes: I simply will not stand to live in a country ruled by Biden. So if he wins the election, I am packing my bags and moving far away, where Joseph "Malarkey" Biden cannot reach me. I will be starting a new life in Alaska.
twitch chat
November 2020

2020 US Election

Type KEKW to send laughter and positive vibes

twitchquotes: ────────────────────────────────── TwitchVotes The streamer needs your help, chat! Type KEKW to help support him by sending laughter and positive vibes his way! ──────────────────────────────────
twitch chat
August 2020
I used to be a real ad

Mr Bear song (that's where your hopes go to die)

Well There's all sorts of creatures, down on Dangley Doodle Farm. Like wise old Mr Octopus, with way too many arms! There's Mr Pig! And Mr Cow! They're always in good moods. But That's cause they don't know they'll soon be sliced up into food! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your hopes go to turn into despair. Mr Bear! What's That over there? That's where your dreams go to die! Mr Racoon! Wants to go to the moon. He'll end up as a bus driver soon! Mr Porcupine! Thinks he'll read the news at nine, he'll end up as a janitor, who stinks of turpentine. Mr Tiny Mouse! Thought he'd own a massive house. Ended up in a bed sit where he can't control the louse! Mr Horse! Though he'd go into professional sports. Now he's an alcoholic and he's on his third divorce! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the place your life becomes an endless questionnaire! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your hopes go to die. Lower your expectations! Maybe you could get a job in telecommunications. No matter how you try you'll never reach the League of Nations. The best you'll get is middle rank in trading operations! So lower your expectations! You'll never win an oscar, so there's no congratulations. The future that is coming will not meet specifications. And no amount of visualisations will save you from your own deterioration Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the tramp who thought he'd be a multimillionaire! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where self-esteem goes to die. Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the disappointment that is waiting everywhere! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your schemes go to die! That's where your dreams go to die! That's where dreams go to die!
April 2022
Text-to-Speech Playing